[Cosanepensi]

Several years ago I met the most incredible man. Neither of us were married at the time, but both had other issues in our lives that kept us from fully exploring our relationship. We also lived in different time zones and a long distance relationship can be so difficult. Through a mutual friend he was able to keep up with my life over the past several years. He relied upon the friend's information who thought I was happily involved with someone new. As it turns out, both of us moved on because of the misinformation from the mutual friend. We just recently reconnected and discovered we both have very strong feelings for each other despite the years apart. The connection we share is much more than emotional. Consequently, both of our marriages are not good and we are both struggling how to keep our emotional infidelity to ourselves. I don't want to hurt anyone but living a lie is just as devastating as telling the truth. He lives on the West Coast and I live on the East Coast. My current partner deserves to be happy. We have tried to work on our differences, but they are too many and too great. Please advise - is it better to live a secret and save people from getting hurt or should we both come clean and admit to our partners that we want to be together?

[HistorianChick]

Secrets always come out. Always, always. Sooner or later, your husband will "happen" across a text, an email, a "weak moment", or something that points to your, as you call it, emotional infidelity.

Be honest with yourself and with him. You need to choose. Whether to stay in your marriage and fix what is broken, or end your marriage. But this decision should be made without considering this other guy.

He, too, is in a marriage; chances are they never leave for the other woman.

If you want out of your marriage, do so, but only knowing that you are doing it for YOU, not to get with another man.

People that are married are simply OFF LIMITS. Period.

[Daryldunmore]

If both of you believe that you want to be together, then why would you not. Nothing more, go for it, be with who you want to be with. Good luck, not easy

[HistorianChick]

If both of you believe that you want to be together, then why would you not. Nothing more, go for it, be with who you want to be with. Good luck, not easy

So, you're telling this woman that "if it feels good, do it?" You're giving a green light for an affair?

[liz28]

Keeping this secret will only eat you alive especially if you've a conscience.

Right now neither of your are capable to be with one another because the two of you are married, to someone else. If your unhappy in your marriage than you should've worked on what needed to be fix and if it was unfixable then you do the womanly thing and leave not cheat. Cheating only create more problems and possibly drama.

I think that you relive the past instead of living in the present. Throw some cold water on your face and reflect on your actions and about the other people reactions to this. What exactly did you get out of this besides a few stolen moments?

Now the right thing for you to do is come clean before your husband or his wife finds out because what is done in the dark will always come to light and it is better for this to come from you than somebody else.

And the same issues are occurring with this guy that you faced in the past from him that you didn't want, a long distant relationship.

Sometimes before we do things we have to use our mind and think and know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

[Fr_Chuck]

You cut off all contact with the person who you want to cheat with, you get counseling and put effort into your relationship you are in.

[MarkwithaK]

Several years ago I met the most incredible man. Neither of us were married at the time, but both had other issues in our lives that kept us from fully exploring our relationship. We also lived in different time zones and a long distance relationship can be so difficult. Through a mutual friend he was able to keep up with my life over the past several years. He relied upon the friend's information who thought I was happily involved with someone new. As it turns out, both of us moved on because of the misinformation from the mutual friend. We just recently reconnected and discovered we both have very strong feelings for each other despite the years apart. The connection we share is much more than emotional. Consequently, both of our marriages are not good and we are both struggling how to keep our emotional infidelity to ourselves. I don't want to hurt anyone but living a lie is just as devastating as telling the truth. He lives on the West Coast and I live on the East Coast. My current partner deserves to be happy. We have tried to work on our differences, but they are too many and too great. Please advise - is it better to live a secret and save people from getting hurt or should we both come clean and admit to our partners that we want to be together?

After reading your post it just seems to me that you are trying to justify your actions even though you know in your heart that you are in the wrong.

[DSM521]

Well you left out some important information.

Do you or the other man have children.

Do you love your husband

If the other man was not in the picture would you be stay with husband

Do you really love this other man or is it just feelings you think are unresolved

Bottom line you made a commitment with your husband and him to his wife. Mistakes happen yes, but people don't think what they are about to loose before they leave for so called greener grass.

You can't stay in a marriage you will not be happy in, no matter what the reason, kids, vows etc. However you really need to come to terms with yourself. This is a huge choice. Your obligation is to your husband, bottom line. Leave the other man out of the equation would you be with your man, would you work problems out if the other man was not in the picture.

Don't forget there are no for sures, you could leave your husband and the other guy could be a big mistake.

Your marriage and your husband really has priority over anything else. My thoughts are you need to work it out.