[gannonp]

You need to cut the contact to give yourself time to start to heal and mend. It will not happen over night and none of us will tell you that, but you will make yourself more and more down by keep holding onto something that is a none starter.

What you are doing at present is making yourself ill by doing this.

I would also advise you why you are feeling low to keep away from places the two of you used to go and spend time, do not keep looking at pictures and listening to music that reminds you of the two of you, because all you are doing is hurting yourself.

For the time being put the things that remind you of her in a box out of sight and then when you are feeling a lot better and stronger you can deal with it then.

You need to go no contact asap - right now -

Damn, OK will do <deep breath> this is going to suck. I will keep you all updated on my progress. Awww man.

[ja77]

Damn, OK will do <deep breath> this is going to suck. I will keep you all updated on my progress. Awww man

A lot of us have been in the same place as you are right now at some point in our life, that is why you will find a lot of good honest advise here and support.

Please do keep us updated because you will find support here.

[gannonp]

Ok so the update is, I have ignored her calls and, I ended hooking up with another African girl (who doesn't know my ex) and I arranged a date with her for Thursday (15th) and yesterday (14th) my ex who I kep ignoring like you said came to my offfice to see if I was there. So I finally answer the call later that day and she says to me "I was worried you didnt answer my calls, would you like to meet up on thursday (15th)" I said "no I am busy that day how about saturday" she said "kool". So she rang me that night and I laid out my cards and told her what I told you guys, I miss her I love her blah blah and said listen on Saturday either your back with me or we are through because I cannot be friends and watch someone I love with someone else. She said we should book a hotel (cheap one) cause she hasn't had sex since she broke up with me and we can have a proper chat and no inturuptions and also did I mention she wants to have mad passionate sex with me (with her its f-ing amazing). I agreed like a dope. Now my dilemma is... the girl I arranged a date with tonight, we talked on the phone for over 3 hours and laughed and it was great and we have a lot in common. She is trustworthy and sensitive like the complete opposite of what my ex is (my ex is focused on herself, its her her her). So my stomach is in knots cause in one hand I have a chance to start with a new younger girl (24) or if my ex (27) says she wants to get back together I would love that cause I love her so f-ing much man still. I want to see how the date goes tonight before I make any rash decisions. What do yous think?

[talaniman]

When I was single, I enjoyed dating. Maybe just dating is your thing as relationships may be beyond you at this time.

Dating is fun, relationships take work. Which are you better with?

Go answer your booty call.

[gannonp]

When I was single, I enjoyed dating. Maybe just dating is your thing as relationships may be beyond you at this time.

Dating is fun, relationships take work. Which are you better with?

Go answer your booty call.

HAHA Thanks I will.

[gannonp]

Ok so we met up (me and my ex) in the hotel and we got totally honest with her and the reason for all of this is. She came here to ireland a year ago but before she came here she was going out with a guy for 3 years. They agreed to take a break (but not really break up) as he was going to USA and she was coming here. Then she met me and eventually we both fell in love with each other, she was torn between two lovers so to speak and on xmas when I told you she went to london, she went there to visit friends and found out that her ex boyfriend or whatever was in london too, she met him with the intention of breaking up for good with him but one thing led to another they had sex after which she cried because she thought of me and what she just did. When she got back to ireland she couldn't look at me and was so upset for what she done to me. That's when I told you she wants a break / breakup. So in this hotel I told her I don't care what she did in London with that guy, (and I really dont). She says she still loves me and for the time we didn't speak she was depressed and cried everyday. I told her she can take a few months, we will still be friends and help each other out and she said that's, at which we got loaded on Champaine in the hotel and she kept saying she loved me and broke into tears and said she was sorry she brought me into this storm, I cried too as we hugged and said I will always love her and hope she makes the right decision. We then picked our heads up and snapped out of the crying thing and we got jolly and started talking about having kids and a house and she says to me I don't want to you go I don't want this night to end. Morning after (2 hours ago) We kissed and I left. Tears started roling down my face and hers too. She wants to do something on Valentines day (if I am not busy she said). I really love her guys and hope she will pick me in the end. What do you think.

[kctiger]

I think she shouldn't be anywhere near a relationship right now... that also means being friends with you. No offense, she just has way too much going on in her mind to deal with this. You can only play so many tricks on the mind...

[gannonp]

I think she shouldn't be anywhere near a relationship right now...that also means being friends with you. No offense, she just has way too much going on in her mind to deal with this. You can only play so many tricks on the mind...

What do you mean playing tricks on the mind? I still really have a feeling she wants me instead of the other guy I really do, I just thought being friends with her even would keep me close to her. I don't know but I really love this girl despite what she is going through.

[kctiger]

I do not believe it is possible to get over someone while you are with someone else. Playing a trick on the mind would be trying to do that. She still loves this other guy... clearly. I just don't think you still talking to her gives her anytime or possibility of totally healing from that.

Actually, I guess you can play tricks on your mind, but not on your heart. That is a bit more accurate.

[gannonp]

I do not believe it is possible to get over someone while you are with someone else. Playing a trick on the mind would be trying to do that. She still loves this other guy...clearly. I just don't think you still talking to her gives her anytime or possibility of totally healing from that.

Your very true. I was over her and when we met up its like I am back to square one kind of but when I think we can chat and stuff it makes me feel better. When I did what you guys said and blank her, that's when she was worried about me and wanted to meet up. Awwww man it's a crazy situation. I will keep you updated though as promised :)

[talaniman]

Had to spread the rep KC, but I agree, as so many times we are blinded to reality. She has two lovers, and she loves the one she is with. Give her credit for honesty, and give the Gannonp a fair warning.

She may care immensely for you but her ex is still there.

Talaniman Rule- Never get involved with someone when their ex is still in the picture.

It always end with either you getting dumped, or being a rebound, and you wont be happy with either position.

Listen to what KC has pointed out to you, but you are unable to grasp.

What do you mean playing tricks on the mind?

Your not thinking, your feeling, so all you hearing is what you want to hear. Your ignoring the facts. She is still weak for the ex, and hasn't gotten over him.

I still really have a feeling she wants me instead of the other guy I really do

You will never know until after time and space to let the emotional dust settle. Obviously you still have hope of being chosen, but it can only end in disaster because she jumps from man-to man, because she hasn't taken time to heal. Thats pretty obvious to the outside eye, and a view you don't have.

I just thought being friends with her even would keep me close to her.

It will, but is that the correct course of action? What kind of friend can you really be if your only there with the hope that she gives you what you want, sorry, but thats like a dog waiting for his master to throw him a bone. That dog will wait, and get the bone, if master has it to give. She has nothing to give.

I don't know but I really love this girl despite what she is going through.

You don't know what she is going thru, she's trying to get over and ex, maybe, and your voluntarily helping thinking your next in line. Sorry thats not how it works.

Leave her alone and heal yourself so you can get facts, and see whats really going on. Sorry! Up to you.

[shannonbug]

She might have just a lot going on and things could have gotten her confused it has happened to me. I have had so much going on that I would have my feelings get all screwy on me and get really confused. Just give her time and the best thing you can do is go out with your friends somewhere and have as much fun as possible just to try and take your mind off it

[gannonp]

she might have just alot going on and things could of gotten her confused it has happend to me. i have had so much going on that i would have my feelings get all screwy on me and get really confused. just give her time and the best thing you can do is go out with your friends somewhere and have as much fun as possible just to try and take your mind off of it

That's the thing, today (monday) I had a date with this girl (I thought I would give her a chance and not shoot her down). So We went to the movies and then had a drink or two and we kissed (first date) and she is so sweet I asked can we meet again and she said "as long as its with you of course". I found myself not thinking of my ex, am I the bad one or..

[Donroro80]

Man I feel your pain, but if you keep trying to win her back, she will make you cry again in the long run. You have no reason to keep communication with her. Lucky you don't have a child with her so move on and build your life better