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raider4life · Jan 16, 2009, 06:35 PM

A few months ago I asked a question for my friend because he left his 5 yr. old son alone in his apartment for about a hr. in the middle of the night to help change a tire for an old friend. When he got back home the cops were there. He didn't get arrested they just said that the court would decide what will happen. He just got a letter from the court stating he has a court date. He called and they said he won't be arrested, but it's up to the judge to decide what will happen. Do you have any idea what will happen. He just doesn't want to lose his son to his mom who doesn't even really care for him. He has him full time. He's really scared now. Please help him and give us an idea of what will happen. Thank you very much.

nike 1 · Jan 16, 2009, 06:50 PM

Well tell your "friend" that was really irresponsible to care more for the tire than his 5 year old son.He better try to work out a good defense because any judge is not going to be very happy about that!

stevetcg · Jan 16, 2009, 06:59 PM

He should be scared. This is a clear cut case of endangerment and it is entirely possible that the court will put his child in foster care while he completes a parenting class.

I would *suggest* that he enrolls in one himself preemptivly and that he gets a lawyer.

Any seriously dude... your "friend" needs to worry more about your son than your friend's tire. And your friends need to not call you knowing full well you have a son that is infinitely more important then they are.

raider4life · Jan 16, 2009, 07:00 PM

Originally Posted by nike 1

Well tell your "friend" that was really irresponsible to care more for the tire than his 5 year old son.He better try to work out a good defense because any judge is not going to be very happy about that!

Well I could've told you that. That doesn't help me. I'm trying to look for some advice not negativity. He already knows it was stupid. If you have advice or what might happen then good if not please don't be that way.

stevetcg · Jan 16, 2009, 07:08 PM

Originally Posted by raider4life

Well I could've told you that. That doesn't help me. I'm trying to look for some advice not negativity. He already knows it was stupid. If you have advice or what might happen then good if not please don't be that way.

I did give you advice on what might happen. A lot of it is going to depend on the judge but it is entirely possible that your son is going to foster care while you meet court ordered requirements, such as parenting classes.

If you enroll preemptivly it will show the judge that you know you were wrong and he might let your kid stay with you while you finish the class.

Starbucks21 · Jan 16, 2009, 08:25 PM

Here's what happens

The judge ask why he left the child alone for a hour

He tell the judge what happened

The judge ask him a bunch of questions retaining to the situation to see if it was just a dumb mistake or if the child is truly endanger

The judge decides whether the child is truly endanger

If the child is truly endanger the child is taken off to foster care

Avoiding the court date will always cause problems I recommend going a 30 minutes to a hour early especially if it is a highly busy court. The dad is trying to show the judge he is responsible and showing up late defiantly won't do this.

Hope this helps

Fr_Chuck · Jan 16, 2009, 08:36 PM

It is very hard to say, it is possible that the judge will give custody to the mother,

His attorney has to be prepared to prove the mother is a bad mother and choice and that he made a mistake but has taken parenting courses, has had counseling
*** I would assume he has done all of that since I am sure his attorney would have told him to.

And then his attorney tries to show the jduge he can still be a good father.

artlady · Jan 16, 2009, 08:37 PM

I would say he certainly needs to go prepared to show that he is a good father,who make a great error in judgment.

Get a statement from the child's doctor that all his visits are up to date,etc Showing he takes care of his child's needs.

Get a statement from the child's teacher that child is in school always and clean and so forth. Homework done,parent involved in child's education.Attends parent conferences,etc.

Someone called the police so that is a questionable thing there. Who called and why?

Did the child wake up and ask for help?
Can he prove he left for the stated reason?

I would have a lawyer if it were me because what he did is not cool.

I don't think he will lose his child over this if he can prove it was a one time awful mistake but the fact that he did it indicates a lack of judgment and that can't be overlooked.

tajmah · Jan 18, 2009, 04:24 AM

I'm sorry to see such harsh responses to your question. I personally know it is possible to make such a foolish/reckless decision, particularly if he's a young father and that's his only child. You can think you're only going to run out for a few minutes, the child is sleeping and he'll be OK, 'cause you'll be right back... but you don't think of all the improbable but possible things that could go wrong in that amount of time.

I'd say your friend's best bet is to find a lawyer. He really shouldn't take any chances on doing this himself. He can try to find a non-profit/ community group that helps w/ parenting and family advocacy issues and see if they can refer him to a family lawyer that might help him at a low cost... or they may be able to help him with an organization that will counsel him on family court issues. Often, in large judicial systems there is some type of impartial advocate that is assigned to help families navigate the judicial process.

I agree with previous posts that:
1. He shouldn't miss the court date and be there early.
2. It is up to the judge's discretion.

They typically don't immediately remove children right away unless they have reason to believe he is in imminent danger. What would likely happen is they would assign a social worker to investigate the home and determine if the child is really in danger, of if the father really just needs help (as mentioned before, parenting classes). Your friend should not panic and assume they will take his child away. Panic leads to poor decision-making.

It is the responsibility of the court to do what is in the child's best interest. AND most laws and courts are slanted towards preserving a child with its biological family. They would first have to determine that he is UNFIT to care for his child. Secondly, they would also have to determine that the child's mother is more capable of caring for him. If she's not and there are no other family members willing to care for the child, then they will place them in foster care.

Even then, again, the aim is family preservation, so... should the court eventually place the child in foster care, they usually develop a re-integration plan, where the parent is required to meet certain goals, (employment, anger-mgmt classes, parenting class, a stable residence) etc. in order to regain custody of the child.

Basically, what I am saying is, given the information that you've provided on the case, all hope is not lost.

Your friend needs to be ready to do the following in court:
1. Explain what happened
2. Acknowledge the he made a serious mistake
3. Make it clear to the court that he loves his child, wants to keep custody of him and
4. Be willing to work with the court in order to do so

Most of all... he should do his best to get a lawyer! I don't advocate anyone navigating the court system without professional help.

Hope this help. Tell your friend to keep his chin and spirits up. I guarantee you every parent has made a bone-headed, potentially dangerous decision with their children. Some of us are just fortunate no one got hurt and no else but knows.