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Romefalls19 · Dec 29, 2008, 02:03 PM

What you have to do is every morning you wake up say to yourself "should I dwell on what could of been, or make the best of what is"

ZoeMarie · Dec 29, 2008, 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

What you have to do is every morning you wake up say to yourself "should I dwell on what could of been, or make the best of what is"

And when you don't have to even ask yourself that anymore you're doing good.

kctiger · Dec 29, 2008, 02:05 PM

In the end, what you have to do is learn to love yourself, as no one else's love can ever truly validate you, as much as the love you have on the inside. Look in the mirror and realize you are a great person, with, or WITHOUT your girlfriend.

Romefalls19 · Dec 29, 2008, 02:06 PM

As cliché as it sounds, take KC's advice, and if you want to.. Go one better and say "I'm a great person, she only makes me better"

mochapeaches19 · Dec 29, 2008, 03:20 PM

I agree that you should give her space because if she is going to come back, she needs to know what it's like to miss you before anything can happen. Don't answer her calls for a while and let her hurt just enough to want to come back. If she doesn't, then it is better to find out now than it is to get back together and go through this again because she needs to reevaluate.

gannonp · Jan 8, 2009, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by mochapeaches19

I agree that you should give her space because if she is going to come back, she needs to know what it's like to miss you before anything can happen. Don't answer her calls for a while and let her hurt just enough to want to come back. If she doesn't, then it is better to find out now than it is to get back together and go through this again because she needs to reevaluate.

Now she keeps ringing and asking how I am and all, just recently she told me about her phone breaking and I said I would send her the settings she said "that would be great if you could do that thanks, I will ring you later". On Tuesday she rang me at 2am (I was in bed of course) she said oh sorry I thought you would be watching TV, I said no go ahead what's up and she said How you doing? What's do you think I should do?

kctiger · Jan 8, 2009, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by gannonp

Now she keeps ringing and asking how I am and all, just recently she told me about her phone breaking and I said I would send her the settings she said "that would be great if you could do that thanks, I will ring you later". On tuesday she rang me at 2am (i was in bed of course) she said oh sorry I thought you would be watching tv, I said no go ahead whats up and she said How you doing?. Whats do you think I should do?

Well, first thing I would do is tell her to quit calling me at 2am. You are still way too available for her man! If you guys are going to take a break, or whatever, then do it, as this kind of stuff isn't going to help or resolve anything. Fact remains, she put you on hold, and now can get ahold of you whenever she wants, until she makes her mind up on whether you are right for her... :rolleyes:

What do you think you shoud do?

talaniman · Jan 8, 2009, 12:38 PM

Let her wonder about it, she wants a break, give it to her, and stop being so available to her checking up on you.

gannonp · Jan 8, 2009, 12:45 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Well, first thing I would do is tell her to quit calling me at 2am. You are still way too available for her man! If you guys are going to take a break, or whatever, then do it, as this kind of stuff isn't going to help or resolve anything. Fact remains, she put you on hold, and now can get ahold of you whenever she wants, until she makes her mind up on whether you are right for her...:rolleyes:

What do you think you shoud do?

See one hand I love hearing her and it shows she thinks of me, which is good right? On the other hand, your right but that's what scares me then she will forget about me. I never ring her and I never beg her I always play it cool and stuff like I don't give a damn. After I hang up with her I am on top of the world but then I slowly subsides. The phone call at 2am she said to me "I listen to a song that reminds me of you" I ask what song "she says 'The man who can't be moved by the script'" and I listened to it and its so acurrate about my situation, if you know the song that's exactly my feeling. I am open to suggestions does she miss me? Will I make the first move and say I miss her first?

kctiger · Jan 8, 2009, 12:46 PM

These phone calls from her are nothing more than a random shot of whiskey to a recovering alcoholic. They keep you up for awhile, but then make you feel worse. She misses you, maybe, but she is also using you. Once she finds some other form of emotional outlet, your a$$ will be out the door man. Just the facts.

gannonp · Jan 8, 2009, 12:54 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

These phone calls from her are nothing more than a random shot of whiskey to a recovering alcoholic. They keep ya up for awhile, but then make you feel worse. She misses you, maybe, but she is also using you. Once she finds some other for of emotional outlet, your a$$ will be out the door man. Just the facts.

So will I ask her point blank? Do you miss me? Will we get back together then? Yes - OK excellent, no - fine stop ringing me. See its way too early to do that isn't it? But then again she is probably being stuborn about the whole thing. Yesterday when she rang to tell me about her phone I said to her "If I have your permission to text you the settings to fix your phone I will", she said "oh come on paul you can text anytime you dont need permission", I said "Yeah but you see I wanna respect giving you this space (then shot it down fast by saying) anyway back to your phone, yeah I will look up the settings for you". She said thanks for doing this.

talaniman · Jan 8, 2009, 01:24 PM

Your letting your fears dictate your actions, and KC is right,
Originally Posted by kctiger
These phone calls from her are nothing more than a random shot of whiskey to a recovering alcoholic. They keep ya up for awhile, but then make you feel worse. She misses you, maybe, but she is also using you. Once she finds some other for of emotional outlet, your a$$ will be out the door man. Just the facts.

gannonp · Jan 10, 2009, 06:01 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Your letting your fears dictate your actions, and KC is right,
Originally Posted by kctiger
These phone calls from her are nothing more than a random shot of whiskey to a recovering alcoholic. They keep ya up for awhile, but then make you feel worse. She misses you, maybe, but she is also using you. Once she finds some other for of emotional outlet, your a$$ will be out the door man. Just the facts.

She rang me and we talked, and I hit her with it I said "I understand in order to find true love in the person you have to make a sacrifice in order to continue and she agreed. I said ok do you miss me" and she said "I miss you paul" and I said "thats good I miss you too" and I asked "is it the sex you miss" she said "no, the sex is great but i do miss that but not for that reason" I said "Companionship" and she said "yes". I asked a bunch of other things and stated that I was still in love with her and I hope she is too and I could hear her on the phone like agreeing thinking. Anyway I hope I swayed her because I haven't eaten in like days (well little things) and I am depressed ever since this happened. But the fact that I asked her does she miss me and she says yes indicates something no?

talaniman · Jan 10, 2009, 06:57 AM

Are you trying to get different answers than the ones you have already? The question has been asked and answered. She got what she needed, an emotional boost. But as you see for yourself, nothing has changed but your confusion. Don't let false hope lead you astray of your mission. You really need to stand up and cut the contact, and stop playing with your feelings like this.

gannonp · Jan 10, 2009, 07:06 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Are you trying to get different answers than the ones you have already?? The question has been asked and answered. She got what she needed, an emotional boost. But as you see for yourself, nothing has changed but your confusion. Don't let false hope lead you astray of your mission. You really need to stand up and cut the contact, and stop playing with your feelings like this.

Your so true man, I just have some tiny nugget in my mind that she will say, "Yes I love you and would like to try again". Yesterday when I had to text her something important (unfinished business) but I needed to, I text her "Sorry for texting you it wont happen again but <the business we had before> just thought I would text you and let you know, bye". In the conversation yesterday as above she said "what is this about you not wanting to text me or anything, I dont want to be enemies paul I want to be friends until I get my head straight". That's when I hit her with the above. I think she just needs a little push, see I treated her like royalty and was there through all of her problems, I know she loves me but I there are obstacles she needs to over come like the mother situation. But I love your opinions and I know you are all right I am just really afraid. Maybe if she says can we just be friends, do you think that could turn back into something (with a little work?)

talaniman · Jan 10, 2009, 07:36 AM

Maybe if she says can we just be friends, do you think that could turn back into something (with a little work?)

Your asking the wrong question. It should be how can you get your act together, without her in your life. The answer is by leaving her alone, and putting yourself first for a change. Your attitude and feelings are normal at this stage, but its how you cope with YOUR FEELINGS That's important, and honestly, that has nothing to do with her, or this relationship.

Get busy, with you, and stop trying to read her mind, and change her actions.

kctiger · Jan 10, 2009, 07:39 AM

I am going to steal a quote from NorthernNiceGuy: "You are grasping at straws my friend"

gannonp · Jan 10, 2009, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

I am going to steal a quote from NorthernNiceGuy: "You are grasping at straws my friend"

Again so true, you all have been so damn good at this advice. Maybe I am just hoping, I was thinking the other day maybe because she is African and that being my lets say weapon of choice, that I am afraid I won't meet another black girl like her, my sister said to me "what another one who breaks your heart?" and I chuckled and said your right. Again you are right all of you are, just making that leap of faith is going to put me deeper in depression if I sever everything with her.

talaniman · Jan 10, 2009, 12:14 PM

You can be depressed as you want to be, or do what it takes to be happy with herself, without her. Deal with your own self, and the way you feel, like we all do.

ja77 · Jan 10, 2009, 12:19 PM

you are, just making that leap of faith is going to put me deeper in depression if I sever everything with her.

You need to cut the contact to give yourself time to start to heal and mend. It will not happen over night and none of us will tell you that, but you will make yourself more and more down by keep holding onto something that is a none starter.

What you are doing at present is making yourself ill by doing this.

I would also advise you why you are feeling low to keep away from places the two of you used to go and spend time, do not keep looking at pictures and listening to music that reminds you of the two of you, because all you are doing is hurting yourself.

For the time being put the things that remind you of her in a box out of sight and then when you are feeling a lot better and stronger you can deal with it then.

You need to go no contact asap - right now -