[J_9]

your so nice! you gave such idea, I can't STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT MEDICAL PROCEDURE.

Sweetie, I really hope it works out for you. I just can't imagine living in a culture where I have to marry someone who I am not in love with. I just can't fathom spending the rest of my life with someone who is not my soulmate that I personally handpicked to be the father of my children.

But, cultures and societies are different, we must remember and respect that.

[liz28]

This is sad because on America Most Wanted last week, or the week before last, this guy kill his teenage daughters becauase they wanted boyfriends, join the cheerleading squap, and hang out with friends after school. They wanted to do the normal teenage stuff and mind you they were straight A students. He got mad because they wanted to live their life as Americans and he wasn't having that. He wanted to live and respect their Muslim hestiage and even threated to ship them back to their country. Instead he killed them by shooting them to death and called it an honor kill. That brought tears to my eyes because it was so sad but people from this countries do that.

Also, I hear about a 13 year old being stoned to death after she reported being rape by 2 adults. Don't you know they stoned her because they blamed the little girl. Meanwhile, nothing happen to the guys. Now if that would've happen here the guys would be behind bars. Sad!

[perfectdolls]

Sweetie, I really hope it works out for you. I just can't imagine living in a culture where I have to marry someone who I am not in love with. I just can't fathom spending the rest of my life with someone who is not my soulmate that I personally handpicked to be the father of my children.

But, cultures and societies are different, we must remember and respect that.

We honestly believe that love will come after marriage. There's a saying that said "Is better to love the one you marry then marry the one you love" It probably sounds so strange to you... well you're not the only one.

[J_9]

we honestly belive that love will come after marriage. there's a saying that said "Is better to love the one you marry then marry the one you love" It probably sounds so strange to you... well you're not the only one.

Out of curiosity, for my own "educational" purposes, what if the one you marry turns out to be abusive and controlling? At least if you marry the one you love then you know from the get go.

[perfectdolls]

Out of curiosity, for my own "educational" purposes, what if the one you marry turns out to be abusive and controlling? At least if you marry the one you love then you know from the get go.

Your are allow to divorce him anytime if he is not a good husband

[J_9]

your are allow to divorce him anytime if he is not a good husband

Interesting... in Western culture divorce used to be frowned upon, it's not so much today as it was years ago, but we take vows to be together for better or worse for the REST of our lives.

[perfectdolls]

The problem is not just proving my going to be husband that "I'm a virgin" the problem is with God. Im going to feel like a liar for the rest of my life I know I shouldn't have done that but I was so young didn't think of the punishment. When I got older over the years when I became more religious I realized how bad I did.

[talaniman]

Some delimma your in, but God forgives, and so should you forgive yourself.

On you wedding night, apply a lubricant to ease the pain of your "first time" and he will never know the difference. What is he a doctor? The truth is many females have their hymen broken without the sexual act.

My concern is your safety, as no matter what the rules of a culture are, survival comes first, and when you get to know this fellow, you can judge the actions to take later.

Hope it works out.

[perfectdolls]

Some delimma your in, but God forgives, and so should you forgive yourself.

On you wedding night, apply a lubricant to ease the pain of your "first time" and he will never know the difference. What is he a doctor? The truth is many females have their hymen broken without the sexual act.

My concern is your safety, as no matter what the rules of a culture are, survival comes first, and when you get to know this fellow, you can judge the actions to take later.

Hope it works out.

U mean to put it after the sx?? Like pretending it hurts?

[Alty]

I truly feel for you perfectdolls, I can't imagine being in your situation, it just goes to show how little we know of others beliefs.

You could tell a little white lie, that you lost your hymen some other way, I personally know many women who didn't have a hymen their first time due to other circumstances.

I realize that you feel that lying is a great sin, but really, it's your life on the line, and after the first night, it's no longer a big deal, you just have to get through that night.

I wish you luck, I hope that everything goes well. The surgery that J9 suggested is actually pretty common now, heck, even Jay Leno was talking about it on his show the other night. But, it's expensive, and I don't know how you'd get it done without your family knowing.

Whatever solution you find I hope that it all works out. I'm so sorry that you you're going through this.

Good luck and God bless. :)

[perfectdolls]

I truly feel for you perfectdolls, I can't imagine being in your situation, it just goes to show how little we know of others beliefs.

You could tell a little white lie, that you lost your hymen some other way, I personally know many women who didn't have a hymen their first time due to other circumstances.

I realize that you feel that lying is a great sin, but really, it's your life on the line, and after the first night, it's no longer a big deal, you just have to get through that night.

I wish you luck, I hope that everything goes well. The surgery that J9 suggested is actually pretty common now, heck, even Jay Leno was talking about it on his show the other night. But, it's expensive, and I don't know how you'd get it done without your family knowing.

Whatever solution you find I hope that it all works out. I'm so sorry that you you're going through this.

Good luck and God bless. :)

How would they know? The surgery is $5,900 dollars in NY is so expensive... but I guess that's my only option.

[Alty]

You'd have to go to the hospital for the surgery, that's how they might find out, unless you can hide the fact that you're in the hospital. That's my only concern.

I truly hope that you can find a way to get this done, I do believe it's your best option.

I wish you all the best.

[talaniman]

u mean to put it after the sex??? like pretending it hurts?

No, use it before sex, as he can't tell if you have a hymen or not. Hey look, that has to be better than surgery to give you a new one. I would imagine it will take time to heal, and its no telling how long that will be. A lubricant will also hide the fact your not as tight as he thinks you should be.

Either way your lying. But your saving yourself a lot of cultural backlash. To bad you just can't say no marriage. That would be the thing to do.

[perfectdolls]

I just read that it takes 6 weeks to heal but Im getting marry in 4 weeks. How can I delate sex with him, what should I tell him?

3 weeks after being marry I want but I don't have an excuse why not to do it with him.

[Alty]

Okay, I did some research and found a website, just go to the link below.

I cannot give my recommendation of this product, I only know what was written on the site. If it does what it claims then it may be your best bet, but, once again, I don't know if it does what it claims or if it is safe and undetectable.

You're going to have to decide for yourself.

The Hymen: Breaking the Myths | Our Bodies Our Blog

Go to the site and then clik on the link for the artificial virginity hymen, it will take you to the order page.

[zeeniee]

Hey perfect doll,
I just read your posts and found it rather distrubing.. I am a muslim and I find it rather shocking that you are marrying a man you have only met twice? That is shocking as most muslim parents are much more liberal these days and actually let you get to know the guy a lot more- like dating with permission- a question I have for you is why did you not ask your parents that you would like to get to know him better?
Second thing is if this guy is coming from an non western country to a western one- he will find it hard to adjust to life, as expected. Has anyone actually asked him to come and spend some time in the US.. what if he does not like the way of living? Then what are you goingto do- or your family going to do?
I know many of my muslim friends that are not virgins when they get married- in fact I think none of them were- I don't believe you have to have sex on the first night? This is real life and not bollywood... maybe you should tell your husband- that you would like to get to know him first and let the sex come when you are both ready to do it? That would make more sense and more sensible for you both- you never know- you may actually like your husband in time and so when you have sex- it may all work out... I am sorry but I don't think people are expected to have sex straight on the wedding night these days..
You don't have to bleed to be a virgin these days, I think many sensible guys will know it is so easy to break a hymen- your best solution is just to tell him- you do lots of sports and you must have lost it naturally. OKay if you were 15 years old - then it would be different- but your 25. I don't think you need to go and have the procedure done.
I assume your husband is a virgin as well- in that case- he will have no idea what is what - so stop worrying.
I think you need to be more rational with your thoughts and think about how you can better the situation for yourself.
Finally, if you don't wantto marry this guy you should be able to tell your parents and you should be able to discuss your reasons with them, I am sure if they saw how unhappy you were and how worried you were with your problems (apart from the hymen one).. I think they will listen to you..
Good luck

[complicatedlife]

Wow this is a problem

[perfectdolls]

Zeenie

I have only met him twice but I talk daily on the phone with him or online. He is a very good guy and I feel bad that I have to do this. He is so great that I think he deserves better, I only wish I was more religious in my teenage years because I would have never done that knowing what I know now.

[zeeniee]

Hi Perfectdolls,
If youthink he is a good guy- then start enjoying your life and start looking forward to getting married. Spend time talking to him about the things you guys would like to do for your future, tell him you would like to get to know him a lot better before you get close. I think a good guy will respect that and would not expect to have sex asap - go slow and just enjoy your life and get to know him just like one would. If he respects you , he will not push you! At the end of the day I am sure he would like to have sex where you both would be happy to do it rather than a chore!Don't worry for the hymen situation- when the time comes you will just tell him that many girls loose it during sports and that it is so common etc.. No need for procedures! I am glad to hear that you are talking daily- so you are getting to know him more day by day - keep doing that! SOunds like the danger feeling may pass?

[Starbucks21]

The hymen actually can be broken by activities such as horse back riding...

It's a very delicate tissue and it can be broken in a number of ways with the girl still a virgin.

I do feel for you and your culture. I understand it too. The only option you have are 1. tell him the truth. 2. get the expensive surgery 3. say and do nothing