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adviseneeded · Dec 21, 2008, 02:46 PM

Not married, girfriend wants to leave state with my 2 year old son. What can I do legally to prevent her from taking my son out of the state of NC

JudyKayTee · Dec 21, 2008, 02:49 PM

Originally Posted by adviseneeded

Not married, girfriend wants to leave state with my 2 year old son. What can I do legally to prevent her from taking my son out of the state of NC

What does the custody/support/visitation order say?

Is she leaving permanently or on vacation?

Who has physical custody of the boy, order or no order.

If you don't have an order I would immediately file to get one.

GV70 · Dec 21, 2008, 04:02 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

What does the custody/support/visitation order say?

Is she leaving permanently or on vacation?

Who has physical custody of the boy, order or no order.

If you don't have an order I would immediately file to get one.

Correct! If you do not have a custody/visitation order she will have rights to go where she wants to go.

adviseneeded · Dec 23, 2008, 04:23 AM

Received your answer but need additional clarification. My girlfriend, myself and our son live in the same house. I pay the bills. I am not trying to get custody. All I want is to stop her from packing him up and taking him out of state if she gets the whim. To stop her from doing that what order does that fall under and do I need to get an attorney to file it? Can I do it myself? Where do I go to do it? Who do I see to do it? I called several attorney's offices but they were very abrupt and not very helpful. Two of them would not even consider doing anything because we were not married and one wanted $5000 to file some sort of paper work just based on the few things I told him. Anyway, any help is appreciated.

Thank You

JudyKayTee · Dec 23, 2008, 05:59 AM

Originally Posted by adviseneeded

Received your answer but need additional clarification. My girlfriend, myself and our son live in the same house. I pay the bills. I am not trying to get custody. All I want is to stop her from packing him up and taking him out of state if she gets the whim. To stop her from doing that what order does that fall under and do I need to get an attorney to file it? Can I do it myself? Where do I go to do it? Who do I see to do it? I called several attorney's offices but they were very abrupt and not very helpful. Two of them would not even consider doing anything because we were not married and one wanted $5000 to file some sort of paper work just based on the few things I told him. Anyway, any help is appreciated.

Thank You

You go to family court and establish paternity - proof that you are the father. (Or whatever Court in your area handles these matters.) You ask for an order settling custody and visitation and support.

I'm sure you're aware this is a fairly unusual situation - most couples living together with a child aren't attempting to get custody/visitation orders because they don't think the other person is going to leave and take the child.

Will your girlfriend probably be upset - I would think so.

In my area $5,000 is on the high side but not outrageous. HOWEVER these procedures tend to be user friendly and I see no reason you can't file the Court papers yourself.

The fact that you pay the bills doesn't mean anything in this situation and the only way you can stop her from leaving with the child is by custody order - and the above explains how to get one.

adviseneeded · Dec 23, 2008, 06:36 AM

JudyKayTee,

Thanks for all the help. I keep coming up with questions. Hope you don't mind

1. If I do not file court papers and she leaves the state with him I assume I could just go and get him if she has not filed anything.

2. If she left the state and then I filed paperwork would the papers have to go through NC or whatever state she took him to

3. Who would I most likely call to find out where to go to pick up the blank courtpapers.

excon · Dec 23, 2008, 06:54 AM

Hello needed:

Judy will be along shortly, I'm sure...

1) If she leaves, and you go to GET him, the cops WILL be involved and you'll have more trouble than you can count on. No, of course, you SHOULDN'T get into trouble... But, WITHOUT a custody order in your hot little hand, the FBI will lock you up first, and ask questions later.

2) Waiting till she LEFT is stupid. Then it's going to REALLY cost you some dough.

3) You don't call anybody. You GO to the family court. MAYBE the clerk there will help you - let's hope.

excon

PS> After a little thought, NOW is the perfect time to do this. The only OTHER thing to do is get married. But, if things are nice between the two of you, you should be able to get this order from the court WITHOUT any arguments. It's something SHE should have too - especially the child support order that she'll get...

So, if you tried calling an attorney that can represent you BOTH in a non contested agreement, I'll bet you can find one for real cheap... Well, maybe a grand at most...

cdad · Dec 23, 2008, 02:02 PM

Are you on the birth certificate at all or did you sign a voluntary decleration of parernity ?

Fr_Chuck · Dec 23, 2008, 04:12 PM

If you are not on the birth certificate or if there has not been a DNA test to establish paternity that was filed with the court to prove you are the father, you have no rights what so ever until something is done.

adviseneeded · Dec 23, 2008, 05:03 PM

I am on the birth certificate and do not need DNA testing. Contacted 3 attorneys in town, 2 would not take the case because we are not married and the other wanted $5000.00 up front. Sorry, that is way too high for my pocketbook.

cadillac59 · Dec 23, 2008, 05:05 PM

Originally Posted by adviseneeded

Not married, girfriend wants to leave state with my 2 year old son. What can I do legally to prevent her from taking my son out of the state of NC

See if your courthouse has some sort of low cost or free self-help center. If not, at least consult with an attorney (most would only charge a few hundred dollars for an hour's time) and find out how to get started on this yourself.

In some states (like mine, California) it's a simple matter of filing a paternity case and having the papers served on the mom. That's it. An Automatic restraining order goes into effect by virture of you simply filing the case. That order prevents mom from taking the kid out of the state for any reason without a court order or your written permission. And you get that before you've even established yourself as the legal father (it doesn't matter that you are not married to the mom).

But if your state doesn't grant automatic restraining orders in cases like this, at least ask how you can get an emergency hearing to prevent mom from leaving the state. You should be able to get that fairly easily. At a minimum the court will stop her from leaving until things are sorted out in court.

But act right away. Time is of the essence.