[orlycst]

NO,you are to see what her problems might be first!

This sounds like a depression.

Has she ever been diagnosed by a professional as to her mental disposition?

I am sure you have contact with someone at the hospital who can help you to see this.

Although my specialty isn't psychiatric medicine I tell you, she is not depressed but rather lazy. She doesn't have the core signs and symptoms of depression. Her mother always complained that she wouldn't help in the house and the had frequent arguments about the issue. I will try for a counselor that will charge me $200.00 per hour of session and see how I can deal with this. The "no having kids policy" remains and it's permanent. I will talk to her about it soon.

[KBC]

Now you have set a goal,stick with it.

I hope to hear back from and how you resolve this.(if you'd like):)

KBC

[N0help4u]

If her laziness is not depression then it can be
That she has no personal motivation (desire)
She lacks ambition.
Physically she can be drained from laziness

I know that the more I sit around the lazier I get and the harder it is to get up and get busy. The more I do the more it energizes me and I feel like I could work non stop. Laziness actually does physically and mentally drain you!

http://www.walkingofftheweight.com/a...eel-great.html explains how exercise makes you feel more motivated

When I sit at home with nothing to do I always put off things like I still have this afternoon to do the laundry and I don't have anything else to do. Then by the afternoon it is I'll do it tomorrow.
In December when I am laid off I don't do anything because I feel like I have an entire month to get it done. When I am working I am always fitting everything in to get it all done and it is more like a challenge.
Have you tried making a chores list, telling her that is what you want done by the end of the day?
Maybe cut her off spend money?
Maybe tell her that if she doesn't start doing anything around the house then she must go out and get a job but you are not having her sit around like a free loader.

[orlycst]

Now you have set a goal,stick with it.

I hope to hear back from and how you resolve this.(if you'd like):)

KBC

Sure mate! And I thank you for opinions and suggestions. It seems sometime we know everything but at the darkest hour, any hand that reaches out for you with a good intention is a blessing.
Thanks you so much!

[orlycst]

If her laziness is not depression then it can be
that she has no personal motivation (desire)
she lacks ambition.
Physically she can be drained from laziness

I know that the more I sit around the lazier I get and the harder it is to get up and get busy. The more I do the more it energizes me and I feel like I could work non stop. Laziness actually does physically and mentally drain you!

Why Exercise Makes You Feel Great explains how exercise makes you feel more motivated

when I sit at home with nothing to do I always put off things like I still have this afternoon to do the laundry and I don't have anything else to do. Then by the afternoon it is I'll do it tomorrow.
In December when I am laid off I don't do anything because I feel like I have an entire month to get it done. When I am working I am always fitting everything in to get it all done and it is more like a challenge.
Have you tried making a chores list, telling her that is what you want done by the end of the day?
Maybe cut her off spend money?
Maybe tell her that if she doesn't start doing anything around the house then she must go out and get a job but you are not having her sit around like a free loader.

Thank you for that link! I will show it to her when I get home, you know, you have to be careful how to talk to women about weight loss, etc.

[liz28]

Before you got married, was your wife lazy? Did you've any clues about her lazy habit or did she get that way once you got married?

Also, did your have a discussion about kids before your got married, if so did you feel the way you do now or did this feeling occur about the married?

Since your so should about not having kids why don't you go get a vasectomy? This case you don't have to worry about her getting pregnant and you can always freeze sperm in case you change your mind in the future.

It seems like you and your wife are on two different pages and your need to get on the same page. This starts with communication.

[KBC]

Sure mate! and I thank you for opinions and suggestions. It seems sometime we know everything but at the darkest hour, any hand that reaches out for you with a good intention is a blessing.
Thanks you so much!

Glad to see your in good spirits ,hope it all works out!:)

[N0help4u]

Thank you for that link! I will show it to her when I get home, you know, you have to be careful how to talk to women about weight loss, etc.

Yeah it really isn't about weight loss the principals apply even to any body.
Maybe you should cut and paste and then take out any weight references and THEN show her.

[talaniman]

Geez, I don't see why your married at all. No communication, or building on common ground. I see no willingness to work together, or resolve any issues, I think your married in name only. Maybe the lust is gone, I don't know

Please don't have kids, and really, just me, your a good example of not being married, sorry, I just don't see a happy future here at all.

[BlackVY]

First of all thanks for your answer,
Sure enough I can tell you I'm having problems with my wife but these problems come from a variety of issues. Case point, I just graduate after 13 years of long medical school. She would like to have kids (she's only 24) but I don't think she truly understand the responsibility of that, in fact, I believe she just want kids as a "solidification" of our relationship. At this point, I am wait too early on my career and my relationship with her to commit to do that but if she try to force it on me, divorce will be inevitable.

Hmm I understand this... and yeah, women do want kids but don't always know what it mean... and I know how hard it is to just finish your degree and then have something come up that kind of holds you back from your dreams.

I guess what you need to do is sit down and talk to your wife about this... she wants kids, you don't... not yet anyway... and she is only 24... tell her you don't think it's the right time now, tell her some of the reasons, and tell her to wait a while.. just a few years, and when you both are sure its time to have a child, then go for it. Think about the cost, the emotional stuff and physical challenges... doesn't seem like you are ready now, but we don't know what the future holds.

I still don't think your wife wanting kids and not you, is not solid grounds for divorce... yeah kids is a major issue, but it is something you can work out and come to a compromise about. Maybe your wife just needs some reassurance in the marriage... and I can't blame her, because your looking for a divorce right now...

[orlycst]

Hmm I understand this... and yeah, women do want kids but don't always know what it mean... and I know how hard it is to just finish ur degree and then have something come up that kinda holds u back from your dreams.

I guess what u need to do is sit down and talk to your wife about this... she wants kids, u don't... not yet anyway... and she is only 24... tell her you don't think its the right time now, tell her some of the reasons, and tell her to wait a while.. just a few years, and when you both are sure its time to have a child, then go for it. think about the cost, the emotional stuff and physical challenges... doesn't seem like you are ready now, but we don't know what the future holds.

I still don't think your wife wanting kids and not you, is not solid grounds for divorce... yeah kids is a major issue, but it is something ya'll can work out and come to a compromise about. Maybe your wife just needs some reassurance in the marriage... and I can't blame her, coz ur looking for a divorce right now...

Well, I will consider divorce if, indeed, she does get pregnant without my knowledge. However, I'm considering few stuff before I take that step. A relationship should be based on comprehension, and understanding that kids are brought into this world on a planned, solid knowledge and responsibility. If everyone would think twice before having kids, there were less single parents, less kids with steps (which sometimes isn't a good idea). So, you see, kids should be the product of love, are you following me or am I being too wordy? :cool:

[BlackVY]

Well, I will consider divorce if, indeed, she does get pregnant without my knowledge. However, I'm considering few stuff before I take that step. A relationship should be based on comprehension, and understanding that kids are brought into this world on a planned, solid knowledge and responsibility. If everyone would think twice before having kids, there were less single parents, less kids with steps (which sometimes isn't a good idea). So, you see, kids should be the product of love, are you following me or am I being too wordy? :cool:

Yup... I do get it... and yes, kids should be a product of love... so do you love your wife? Does she love you? If you had a child, would you love the kid? Or wouldn't you secretly loath her for trapping you in this relationship by having your child?

[myagony1234]

First of all, congratulations on your medical career! I hope you help many people as a good doctor in your life time.
It is VERY normal to want kids for married woman, when marriage is going well, and husband is in the right career track. I have to think that it will not be normal if married a woman refuse to have kids.
The issue here is only timing when you guys want to have kids. You have gap in perception about your new job. You have a lot pressure since you just finished medical school after long hard effort, and you think it is only a start, you need some time to adjust and enjoy. Meantime your wife does not t understand your stress, and simply think you are all good to take care of her needs, and rush into baby idea.
It requires couple’s absolute agreement to have baby. Have you talked to her about your stress sincerely?
I personally think you guys can have more fun time together since you have been married only for 2 years before having a baby. Having a baby is life time commitment, and should be doing it when you are REALLY ready.
It is non sense having a baby is automatically secure the relationship. Women have integrity, and they do not want babies to secure child support check after marriage is gone bad. Let’s think positively.