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cenafan · Dec 1, 2008, 01:37 PM

Hi. Well I was raped when I was 14 or 15 I'm now 16 and bin with my boyfriend for nearly 6 months. We've discussed having sex for the first time but I'm not sure if I lost my virginity or not (I told him I'm a virgin) so how do I tell him I was raped after making out I'm a virgin and all that

ZoeMarie · Dec 1, 2008, 01:44 PM

You tell him that it's not something that you go around telling people because it's hard for you. Tell him you wanted to wait until you knew him better and now that you feel comfortable with him you're ready to let him know. Do you think you would be comfortable having sex? I would imagine that would be hard not too long after being raped.

Are you sure you're ready to have sex though? You should search for pregnancies on this site and see how many teens have posted that they're freaked out they might be pregnant. Anything can happen, a condom could break, birth control isn't 100% effective. You should really wait until you're ready to have a baby before you have sex.

cenafan · Dec 1, 2008, 02:03 PM

Thanks zoe : )

Im not ready to have sex just yet plus he's only 15 so underage

ZoeMarie · Dec 1, 2008, 02:06 PM

Yeah, I would wait. You're smart in waiting. Being raped isn't something that you can help so I would think that he would be OK with you telling him the truth when you're ready. It's a lot to deal with, I'm sure.

liz28 · Dec 1, 2008, 02:27 PM

He should understand once you tell him what have happen to you. Your viriginity was taken against your will not by choice.

Also, if your not ready to have sex he should understand that and respect your wishes.

hjpan · Dec 1, 2008, 05:31 PM

6 months is not a long time and you're still young. As for being raped, you should've told him the truth.

liz28 · Dec 1, 2008, 06:10 PM

When someone was raped in the past it not easy to tell your boyfriend. When a person is comfortable with that other person then they might open up and tell what happen. 6 months isn't a long time to be together and it's not like she have some disease that he needed to be warned about so there is nothing wrong with her not telling her boyfriend about her rape already. Getting raped is hard to get over and is an issue on it own. I forgot to say this before but I am sorry you had to go through something like that and I hope that you receive counselling for it and since sex already been talked about by you and your boyfriend, and you don't want to do it, don't get pressure into doing something you don't want and I am glad to hear that you don't want too.

If you feel this relationship will last then tell him. . If he’s a boyfriend worth keeping, he’ll accept what you have to tell him and be there for you. His feelings for you should'nt change.

hjpan · Dec 1, 2008, 07:05 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

When someone was raped in the past it not easy to tell your boyfriend. When a person is comfortable with that other person then they might open up and tell what happen. 6 months isn't a long time to be together and it's not like she have some disease that he needed to be warned about so there is nothing wrong with her not telling her boyfriend about her rape already. Getting raped is hard to get over and is an issue on it own. I forgot to say this before but I am sorry you had to go through something like that and I hope that you receive counselling for it and since sex already been talked about by you and your boyfriend, and you don't want to do it, don't get pressure into doing something you don't want and I am glad to hear that you don't want too.

If you feel this relationship will last then tell him. . If he’s a boyfriend worth keeping, he’ll accept what you have to tell him and be there for you. His feelings for you should'nt change.

My bad.
I meant telling the boyfriend during the sex talk.

letmetellu · Dec 1, 2008, 08:43 PM

Originally Posted by cenafan

Hi. Well i was raped when i was 14 or 15 im now 16 nd bin with my bf for nearly 6 months. We've discussed having sex for the first time but im not sure if i lost my virginity or not (i told him im a virgin) so how do i tell him i was raped after making out im a virgin nd all that

I am sorry that you were raped but I would beg you to not let this ruin your life.
Now why would you want to tell your boyfriend, of six months, at this time that you had been raped. It is not something that he needs to know unless you plan to spend the rest of your life with him, and at this young age it is so hard for a young couple of 16 and 15 go through high school and then maybe on to college and then on into adult life and still be together. And if you are not going to spend the rest of your life together, I am not sure I would want him to know you were once raped. It is not something to be ashamed of but it is also not something that you would want everyone to know about.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 1, 2008, 08:46 PM

Yes, I see no reason to need to tell him. You can be a virgin if you want him to believe that for now.

kaitou · Dec 3, 2008, 07:02 PM

I think both of you are too young to have sex, so please wait.

Also I think you should think about why you want to tell him you were rape:

Is it because you are scared that he will realize you might not be a virgin?

Is it because you might have sex with him soon?

Or do you feel that now is an appropriate time to tell him, because you love each other enough to share everything with each other?

------
So think about why you want to tell him, before you tell him, also think about what could happen after..

What if you guys break up?
Will he judge you?
Will he act differently around you?
-------

With that said though, rape is not something you should be ashame of, but I do believe it is something very private and personal, so if I were you, I would only share it with people I feel closest with. Is that boy that person for you?

I hope this helps

shantans · Dec 6, 2008, 07:14 PM

Well it's hard but when u feel he's somebody u get to know and trust tell him oh I'm sorry about what happened lives tough and I looks good