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talaniman · Nov 28, 2008, 07:44 AM

Her moms feelings, and opinion, are not important, and she is biased. Avoid the confusion by leaving her, and her family alone.

All that matters is how you cope with this situation, so do other things besides worry about her, and her feelings, as her actions are pretty clear, aren't they? Ignore her texts, and be busy, and unavailable to her.

Don't let her confuse you, and pull you back, and forth.

Mac Lovin · Nov 28, 2008, 07:49 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Her moms feelings, and opinion, are not important, and she is biased. Avoid the confusion by leaving her, and her family alone.

All that matters is how you cope with this situation, so do other things besides worry about her, and her feelings, as her actions are pretty clear, aren't they?? Ignore her texts, and be busy, and unavailable to her.

Don't let her confuse you, and pull you back, and forth.

Well her mam and her are very close and they talk about everything so I do believe if I just giver her time and space she might be back?

kctiger · Nov 28, 2008, 07:51 AM

You aren't giving her space by continuing to talk to her mom, or any of her family. Leave anything that has to do with her alone. Think about it... if this is over do you really think you will still have a relationship with her mom? I would hope not, as that would be a bit awkward down the line.

Mac Lovin · Nov 28, 2008, 07:59 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

You aren't giving her space by continuing to talk to her mom, or any of her family. Leave anything that has to do with her alone. Think about it...if this is over do you really think you will still have a relationship with her mom?? I would hope not, as that would be a bit awkward down the line.

Her mom rang me to ask me about something and then asked how I was, told her I was miserable which is the truth and she then said just give her time...

kctiger · Nov 28, 2008, 08:04 AM

That is fine, now don't talk to anyone associated with her... Look, everyone one here has been where you are. Dude, I am still where you are, and it has been three months for me. I am telling you, as honestly and as truthfully as possible, to back off!! I am not saying it is your fault, buy you enable it. Do not make this harder on yourself than it has to be, cause trust me... it will be hard either way.

Mac Lovin · Nov 28, 2008, 08:13 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

That is fine, now don't talk to anyone associated with her...Look, everyone one here has been where you are. Dude, I am still where you are, and it has been three months for me. I am telling you, as honestly and as truthfully as possible, to back off!!! I am not saying it is your fault, buy you enable it. Do not make this harder on yourself than it has to be, cause trust me...it will be hard either way.

Like we were together 3.5 years and I did everything for her, gave her the world and we broke up over something stupid and then rumours about her seeing another guy which was bull made her very hurt and angry as were we live is a town that loves to talk about other peoples problems... thing is we never had a problem...

Like her mom told me give her time and the break she needs? Do you think I will get the chance to work things out or is it a dead duck and move on?

kctiger · Nov 28, 2008, 08:23 AM

You move on for your own sanity. If she comes back, then that is fine. You sitting around wondering and comtemplating the "ifs" doesn't do any good. Get your head cleared and your mind right. I can't answer the question of her coming back. Only time will tell that. You can't get a refund on time however... so the more you mope around the more you waste... know what I mean?

pandora2 · Nov 28, 2008, 08:26 AM

<but all I want to do is help and care for her but she says she is not ready and she does not want to be in the relationship now?

In a women's context what does this mean? Thanks for your advice>

Maybe you are acting way too needy and it's a turnoff...

No idea, hard to know since we don't know her,

If you have been spending every day together for 3 years it is likely to be the case,

Take time and disappear from her, and get a life apart from her.
Find confidence and strength.

If future is not with her someone else will appreciate it

Mac Lovin · Nov 28, 2008, 08:41 AM

Originally Posted by pandora2

<but all i want to do is help and care for her but she says she is not ready and she does not want to be in the realtionship now?

In a womens context what does this mean? Thanks for your advice>

maybe you are acting way too needy and its a turnoff...

no idea, hard to know since we dont know her,

if you have been spending every day together for 3 years it is likely to be the case,

take time and disapear from her, and get a life apart from her.
Find confidence and strength.

if future is not with her someone else will appreciate it

Like we didn't spend everyday together but we would always be in contact, I worked like 6/7 days a weeka and gave her whatever she wanted, she went out with her friends at the weekend while I worked and all I asked for was a text or call to let me know she was OK,

We hardly ever fought, the odd tiff here and there but we were happy well I thought

jmw0713 · Nov 28, 2008, 08:51 AM

Seriously... your only going to prolong your pain and confusion by staying in contact and regularly talking with her or anyone associated with her.

It's time to start looking out for yourself and moving forward with out this girl. As hard as it may seem for you to realize, it's over, despite what anyone else is telling you. Your actually making the situation worse for you AND her by staying in contact.

Also, why would she break-up with you based on rumors other people are saying?? Your not starting these rumors... why do you suffer because of it? Something doesn't add up. Sounds to me like a lame excuse to dump you.

Rumors are rumors, but my ex of 3.5 years dumped me and then slept with someone else soon after, while I thought she wasn't that type of person either. But she did... and it hurt.

You can't put her on a pedestal man!!!

You can't wait for her to come back, because chances are she never will. You must see it that way. Otherwise your going to be waiting and waiting for what may be a huge let down in the end, when you could be using this time to start healing and moving on.

There are other women. I am finding this out more everyday. Now get busy and move on from the past pain to the future rewards!

JohnD212 · Nov 28, 2008, 10:32 AM

No contact. Leave her alone and start your own healing process. I would really really suggest you email her or text her and let her know you're boxing up her stuff and where or when she can pick it up. Push her hand so she can't keep a foot in your life and foot out of it. She isn't ready to cut you off.. but she also isn't going to come back. You need her either in your life or out... but having her stuff there gives her power over you. She knows that. Yes she needs time but if she's not telling you anything... you need to protect yourself. Telling her to come and get her stuff will give you a clearer idea of her intentions. If she says OK and picks it up... then the relationship is over. If she gets angry and says she doesn't want to etc.. Then you might do best to give her time... but give her a date (say a month) that she has to give you a decision.

Don't let her string you along. I know you love her but love shouldn't be like this.

mbouthot · Nov 28, 2008, 10:37 AM

She just needs some time to get her head on. Back off a little but still show her you are there if she needs a shoulder

talaniman · Nov 28, 2008, 11:26 AM

Warning This is rather harsh

If after 3 years this relationship can be broken up by outside rumors, then you didn't have a relationship to begin with.

If after this break up, you still talk to her but can't resolve your issues, then you didn't have a relationship, or worse your not talking about the right things.

Now your chasing after this female, who can't still be upset over the actions of others, but continues to play these silly games, with your feelings, instead of working thru this silly glitch, which should have meant nothing to begin with.

Worse, you run to mummy for help, for what you can't do! Ugh! Thats as wimpy as it can get. But thats not the worse part.

You have allowed her to behave badly, and disrespect you, and all you do is boo hoo about how confused you are. If after 3.5 years you can't talk up for yourself, and tell her straight up, she is treating you badly for no reason, and tell her how wrong, and silly her behavior is, then buddy thats your problem.

You choose the wimpy, punk a$$ way to deal with this, and thats the way you will be treated. Thats why you don't talk to her at all, so you can save your dignity and self respect, and at least make her think your a man.

You can continue to let her punk you out, with her behavior, or grow some, and stand up for yourself. Your choice.

Either way, quit crying about how bad you miss her, or how much you love her. Thats disgusting, since you can't seem to love yourself as much!

jmw0713 · Nov 28, 2008, 11:40 AM

Tal is 100% correct!

Harsh but true!! You got to move on! You won't make any progress sitting around dwelling on a relationship that is over and can't be fixed.

Are you doing anything to keep yourself occupied?

TrueFaith · Nov 28, 2008, 12:04 PM

I agree man you have to move on

Everything TAL said is right.

Grow a back bone!

And move on!

Mac Lovin · Nov 29, 2008, 11:39 AM

Originally Posted by jmw0713

Tal is 100% correct!

Harsh but true!!! You gotta move on! You won't make any progress sitting around dwelling on a relationship that is over and can't be fixed.

Are you doing anything to keep yourself occupied??

Not much really I'm, just to fill ye all in also lately she just found out her aunt is really sick with cancer, she is very close to this aunt and calls to her most days, lately she has been spending an awful lot of time minding her kids and visiting her while she is going through treatment.. her mam is all over the place too with this... last year she lost her grandma to cancer which with whom she was also very close to and this had an awful effect on her.

She never told me and when I asked her why she said that her aunt wanted to keep it private which is understandable... I asked her to let me be there for her and she said she could not do it to me as she is always in bad form...

Please help, I love this girl more than anything what should/could I do and is there hope for our relationship?

jmw0713 · Nov 29, 2008, 05:18 PM

People usually want to be surround with people they love during hard times in life. So she says she doesn't want you there?? Well, that's a big sign right there. She doesn't want you around...so you need to disappear.

Don't worry about her or her family. She now has to deal with this all on her own BY HERSELF.

She dropped you, so why should she, or you for that matter, have any obligations to be there for her? You don't!

She is not there for you, so why be there for her?

Disappear and rebuild your life! That the only way you are going to get over this.

talaniman · Nov 29, 2008, 05:24 PM

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You have had plenty of advice, so this is the part where you get busy, instead of crying.

Mac Lovin · Dec 10, 2008, 09:21 AM

Does this mean two or three weeks as I am just confused?

kctiger · Dec 10, 2008, 09:28 AM

Are you referring to your ex?