Check out some similar questions!

mrs_seales · Nov 9, 2008, 08:58 PM

My ex husband has been investigated by CPS on several occasions. For things like: not administering regular medications, as needed medications (asthma, growth hormone), spanking the children with 2x4s, forcing the children to eat until they throw up even when they state they are full, then making them eat more after they are sick, making the boys wear a dress in public because they were too afraid to ride rides at an amusement park, and many other things. While CPS was doing the investigations they put a safety plan in place and he refused to follow it, the CPS caseworker had to go out every weekend he had them and check on the boys. And still they gave him all his rights back. He does pay child support and I do not deny him the right to see his children (lord only knows I would love to and wish I could), but I don't want to go into court on the wrong foot. Some people tell me I can keep the kids and tell the police when he calls the police in which he does, that I fear for their safety. But I would have to take him to court pretty quickly after that to prove that. Most of what he does is BAD parenting and CPS can not take do anything about that. But I want to get temporary custody and file for supervised visitation. But I don't have the money to put down a large retainer. I work, my husband works, we I have my 2 boys and he has 2 children he pays for as well. I don't know what to do from here, but I can not allow them to go back anymore, they are at the point where they cry and beg me not to make them go. They both have been in therapy since before our divorce and the therapist's recommendation is take him to court and get something done. And the boys are 12 and 10 and they WANT to talk to the judge and ask that they never have to go back. I really need help here... Any advice at all.. Oh and his family has money, not like rich but they can afford a good attorney so I don't think going at this alone is a god idea. :confused:

Justwantfair · Nov 10, 2008, 08:51 AM

What does your current court order state? It sounds like you may have to go back to court and I wouldn't be so hesitant when your children health and welfare is involved. It sounds like they are really the ones suffering through this and it may be necessary to take charge and handle the situation through the court if that is what is necessary.

mrs_seales · Nov 10, 2008, 08:57 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

What does your current court order state? It sounds like you may have to go back to court and I wouldn't be so hesitant when your children health and welfare is involved. It sounds like they are really the ones suffering through this and it may be necessary to take charge and handle the situation through the court if that is what is necessary.

It states that he has them the usual visitation and it also says that we have to go through mediation before going to court. He will not agree to anything in mediation I know that. But I don't have the money for an attorney nor do I to go to court, I don't know if there is programs out there to help or what I can do. I can afford a payment plan just nothing large up front

excon · Nov 10, 2008, 09:00 AM

Hello mrs:

Couple things. Either you're lying about what he DOES to your children in order to make him look worse to us, or CPS is incompetent.

If you're lying - STOP IT!

If you're NOT, call CPS, and KEEP calling until you get his visitation removed!! If you get a bureaucrat who doesn't want to listen to you, ask for his supervisor. DO NOT get off the phone until you have completed your obligation to protect your children. If you have to go to their office and park yourself there until you (your children) get relief, then DO THAT!

excon

MsMewiththat · Nov 10, 2008, 09:21 AM

Hmmmm, were I understand what is being said above and agree that your children need protection it is important to understand that even the worst of the worst have rights and seeing your children is a right that is hard to lose. With the number of parents out there that are not interested in being parents, when you have someone that lacks the skills but wants to be there, the goal is to provide help in learning how to be a better parent.
So.. where it is a great idea to contact CPS again, I'm certain that you have and that they are aware and they will probably put some things in place as you stated above... "safety plan" that may involve parenting classes, anger management, supervised visitation etc. without the cooperation of the poor parent nothing gets accomplished. However, you can allow him to set a pattern and show a loack of desire to improve and use it against him. What I would suggest to you is that you not delay in getting some help. Don't be derailed by the large retainer. Go down to your court house, there are self help counters some do it yourself stuff and while you are there you may run into some referral stuff. Go dig around down there and see what you can come up with. Some states and some cases have caseworkers even though they don't do a lot for you, if you have a contact there that works your case at all or a department that handles your type of situation. Call them and ask them what you should do. File a complaint against him or a restraining order, that's one way to get in front of a judge they will also tell you what to do.

mrs_seales · Nov 10, 2008, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by excon

Hello mrs:

Couple things. Either you're lying about what he DOES to your children in order to make him look worse to us, or CPS is incompetent.

If you're lying - STOP IT!

If you're NOT, call CPS, and KEEP calling until you get his visitation removed!!!! If you get a bureaucrat who doesn't want to listen to you, ask for his supervisor. DO NOT get off the phone until you have completed your obligation to protect your children. If you have to go to their office and park yourself there until you (your children) get relief, then DO THAT!

excon

First, I am not lying about what is going on. I have no reason to lie. I was married to this man for 10 years and he was once a really good father and man. I believe this is all due to the new step mom involved. Furthermore, why would I lie if I did not have the financial means to back it up and take him to court. No win win situation for me at this time, and I don't want to take custody away from him, I want him to take some parenting classes and no over night visits until he can straighten up. I don't think the boys should have no contact with their father.

Second, CPS here is a joke. They will do nothing... they do what they call an investigation and because they are so busy and have other cases, they pick what they want to do. I have talked to several CPS supervisors and have gotten nowhere, I have also talked to a director out of Austin and was told the office here was doing everything in their power, but because they could not witness any of this and the kids had no "marks" on them, they could not prove abuse and emotional abuse is hard to prove. Every attorney I have talked to tells me CPS will do nothing unless he puts the kids in the hospital. And over my dead body will I allow that to happen.

So maybe you can tell me what my next step should be. I don't know who else to call and out to get what I need for my kids.

Justwantfair · Nov 10, 2008, 09:35 AM

You need to be documenting, keeping a log, and you can try filing a motion for temporary custody pro se - without an attorney, but more likely you will need counsel. Although counsel often request a retainer, retainers are fees that are paid in advance and many attorneys will work with payment arrangements on your retainer if that is all you can afford, so maybe your best bet is to have your ducks in a row, file a motion for temporary custody, which typically will be set by the clerks office for two weeks out and start putting money aside for when/if your ex gets an attorney or when/if the judge recommends that you seek counsel.

excon · Nov 10, 2008, 09:35 AM

Hello again, mrs:

How old are your children? So, the only evidence that he hits them with 2 x 4's is THEM saying so?? Maybe THEY'RE lying... I don't know. If I hit someone with a 2 x 4, it's going to leave marks.

So, he either HITS them with big boards, or he doesn't. THAT is the key here. Assault with BIG boards is a CRIME. If CPS won't do anything about it, call your local COPS.

Look, mrs. I don't know specifically what you can do, or who's lying to you. But, you ARE being lied to... What I DO know is, that if MY children were being beating with BIG BOARDS, I wouldn't stop yelling my head off to ANY and EVERY cop, chief of police, CPS, mayor, governor, attorney general, congressmen that I could. And, I would NEVER stop.

excon

excon · Nov 10, 2008, 09:38 AM

Hello again:

When children are being beaten with BIG BOARDS, filing a lawsuit is NOT the thing to do. They'll be DEAD before a hearing happens...

excon

MsMewiththat · Nov 10, 2008, 09:40 AM

You are very right, as a mother you know what is not acceptable for your children. However, when CPS looks at the situation it isn't as bad as what is happening or may be happening down the street. They are so buys with all the sick tickets in this world. If you think about the stories we hear in the news, those are the people that are getting the CPS attention and that is why they are unable to "see" that this is a "Bad" situation. So... what I would do seriously is stay consistent and persistent. Keep pushing were your children are concerned. Go back in to court it may take a year of Sunday's but eventually you will get somewhere.

MsMewiththat · Nov 10, 2008, 09:53 AM

Stop calling names.. it doesn't mean that anybody is lying. If I spank my son with a 2X4 on the rump, he would be in pain, hee would be humiliated and then the next day when he came home there very well may not be a mark or a bruise. Where you are correct Excon is that this can easily be handled by going to the police and filing a complaint against him. If all the past instances have been investigated and are in the past then you will have to wait for something else to happen. You are most likely not interested in waiting for that. But if you have already reported the last thing he did, then by bringing each one to their attention you will establish the pattern that you need to proof that he is abusing the children.

twinkiedooter · Nov 10, 2008, 09:57 AM

CPS ran out of $ a long time ago. Excon is right about going to the cops if the kids are really being hit with 2X4's. You will just have to file whatever motions before the court that you can and hope for the best in this situation. CPS can't do anything if there are no bruises. Emotional abuse is rather hard to prove. Just eating until you throw up leaves no tell tale bruises either. Also wearing a dress is not a crime but an emotional abuse. The ex having parents who foot the bill will make it doubly hard for you to get the kids away from him for too long. The only thing you can do is hope the Judge will let them testify and hear for himself about this case.

excon · Nov 10, 2008, 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by MsMewiththat

Stop calling names.. it doesn't mean that anybody is lying.

Hello Ms:

Huh? Get a grip. Either the CPS is lying or her children... Not you... Your advise isn't worth commenting on.

excon

MsMewiththat · Nov 10, 2008, 10:21 AM

However, you just did.

Alty · Nov 10, 2008, 10:27 AM

Dear OP,

You stated that your ex makes his sons wear dresses in public, get pictures of that. If they come home with bruises, get pictures. Document everything and keep reporting these incidents to CPS, the police, anyone who will listen. Hopefully they'll get so sick of hearing from you that they'll finally do something to protect these kids.

If it were my children I would kick, scream, protest until someone listened and did something about this. I wouldn't allow my children to see this man, even if it meant going to jail for denying visitation.

It's time to act. Take out a loan, get a lawyer, get visitation taken away from this monster.

Good luck.

mrs_seales · Nov 10, 2008, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by excon

Hello again:

When children are being beaten with BIG BOARDS, filing a lawsuit is NOT the thing to do. They'll be DEAD before a hearing happens...

excon

The reports of being hit with boards are on his extended visitations (summer, spring break) when there is no proof when they return home. He is not an idiot and knows that if he leaves a mark there is proof. CPS tells me most of what they see is "bad parenting" and that is what the courts are for not CPS. I am calling CPS again as we speak, I am on hold, the story of my life. I spoke with an attorney (free consult) and she stated that him not giving medication (needed) to the children is enough for CPS to do something and they see it as he is not a medical doctor and he has no right to go against the doctors orders. I don't believe EVERYTHING the kids say, I know they are kids and are manipulating some of this, but there are some things I just don't think they could think up o their own and they are old enough I can tell when they are lying to me. I try not to hear all the stuff they say that I can not do anything about and do not pry for information about what goes on over there unless they report something serious. I do everything I can to protect my children. And I have a great friend that is a local cop and he said there is nothing the police can do unless there is some proof he is abusing them. They look at custody issues as a civil matter and will not get involved. The kids are ready and willing to speak to the judge and tell him the stuff they tell me. I would think that the kids would be manipulating the situation if they were going over there and saying stuff, but they don't (or I would hear it from him) they don't tell me stuff just walking in the door, most of this comes out in conversation and I have to stop them and ask questions about it. So I believe most of what they are saying is the truth. I am once again going to try the CPS route and see where I can get with that.

MsMewiththat · Nov 10, 2008, 12:01 PM

Good Luck to you, your doing the right thing.

mrs_seales · Nov 10, 2008, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Dear OP,

You stated that your ex makes his sons wear dresses in public, get pictures of that. If they come home with bruises, get pictures. Document everything and keep reporting these incidents to CPS, the police, anyone who will listen. Hopefully they'll get so sick of hearing from you that they'll finally do something to protect these kids.

If it were my children I would kick, scream, protest until someone listened and did something about this. I wouldn't allow my children to see this man, even if it meant going to jail for denying visitation.

It's time to act. Take out a loan, get a lawyer, get visitation taken away from this monster.

Good luck.

I have been screaming and demanding something be done. But when CPS gets involved and tells me I can not go against their orders to give the kids to him, it makes me sick! I have stopped visitation I don't care if he has me arrested I am done letting him do anything to me kids. On the pictures, they do not come home that way, I have pictures of any bruise mark or scratches they have. I now take pictures of them when they leave and when they return. Just in case I missed something and also so he can not spank them and say he picked them up that way. He is not stupid and knows he is in trouble but also knows he is getting away with it. He also does not live in the same town, so I don't see the kids at all when they are with him. But I do send my sons cell phone with him so he can call me if anything happens. Most of the time if his dad sees his phone he takes it up and turns it off so he can not cal me. But he won't get the chance to do this crap anymore, I don't care what he does I will not send them.

Justwantfair · Nov 10, 2008, 12:31 PM

As far as the court system goes, it will not be in your favor to refuse all visitation if it is court order that he have "usual"? visitation. What is usual, do you mean reasonable and seasonable? If you are required to go to mediation it would be recommendable that you make that attempt as well. The court does not look favorably on when people do not follow their court orders and it could become more of a situation for you in the future. CPS has been notified and they haven't deemed that your children are in any immediate danger and handling your situation by these means may enrage your ex further. I stand by the recommendation that you file the motion pro se and get an order of protection to handle the situation, the order may get you by for refusing visitation and both will get you in front of a judge to discuss your situation.

mrs_seales · Nov 10, 2008, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

As far as the court system goes, it will not be in your favor to refuse all visitation if it is court order that he have "usual"?? visitation. What is usual, do you mean reasonable and seasonable? If you are required to go to mediation it would be recommendable that you make that attempt as well. The court does not look favorably on when people do not follow their court orders and it could become more of a situation for you in the future. CPS has been notified and they haven't deemed that your children are in any immediate danger and handling your situation by these means may enrage your ex further. I stand by the recommendation that you file the motion pro se and get an order of protection to handle the situation, the order may get you by for refusing visitation and both will get you in front of a judge to discuss your situation.

I have contacted CPS yet again and contacted the legal aide program. I spoke with an attorney there and she has filed a protective order and temp custody. He may not have the children until we go to court. In some way everyone has a point but until it is you in the situation, you will never know what the right thing to do it. Yes I want to protect my children and not send them with him. But some one made a point that judges do not like to see anyone not following court orders, and I am not going to put my case in jeopardy because I did not give them to him. I put things in place to help my children through their time there, having a hidden phone so they can text or call, they see their therapist immediately upon their return from visitation so things are documented and I document and take pictures of everything. I know what he is doing is wrong and so do the kids, but most of it is emotional abuse and I don't like it but have to be able to prove it. SO until I can get into court I will support my children and protect them as best as to my ability without enraging my ex to make things worse for the kids. I can only hope I am doing the right thing and tell my kids everyday I love them and trying to do what I can to get things resolved.