[starbuck8]

NOOO! We are NOT going to ignore your post! You are also allowed to say NO! It doesn't all have to fall on your shoulders! It's time you stood up to them and told them (you know who I mean) that this time they can take that burden and lift it off your shoulders dammit! You don't need to carry the weight of everyone!

You can't be Superwoman Alty! You have to tell them to step up and do the things they are suppose to do. You have enough to do! If you are needed in any capacity, then delegate, and use your skills to tell everyone what THEY have to do, and bow out. Don't let them back you into a corner. That is not you!

You know the players involved here, so just tell them that you will be there, but will not orgagnize everything for them. They need to step up and do what they know they should be doing. They can't pile this up once again on Alty's shoulders! It's not right... and it's not fair. Who has been the "caretaker" of your Grandma?. so to speak. Let her step up and do this.

Back away Alty. Don't let this bring you more stress. Don't let them make you feel guilt by telling you that you are the "strong one". Even the "strong ones" have a breaking point. It's time to pass the responsibility off to her children. This is NOT your job.

BIG HUGS! Ya know I lub lub lub you!

[Stringer]

NOOO!! We are NOT going to ignore your post!! You are also allowed to say NO!! It doesn't all have to fall on your shoulders! It's time you stood up to them and told them (you know who I mean) that this time they can take that burden and lift it off of your shoulders dammit!! You don't need to carry the weight of everyone!!

You can't be Superwoman Alty! You have to tell them to step up and do the things they are suppose to do. You have enough to do! If you are needed in any capacity, then delegate, and use your skills to tell everyone what THEY have to do, and bow out. Don't let them back you into a corner. That is not you!

You know the players involved here, so just tell them that you will be there, but will not orgagnize everything for them. They need to step up and do what they know they should be doing. They can't pile this up once again on Alty's shoulders! It's not right...and it's not fair. Who has been the "caretaker" of your Grandma?...so to speak. Let her step up and do this.

Back away Alty. Don't let this bring you more stress. Don't let them make you feel guilt by telling you that you are the "strong one". Even the "strong ones" have a breaking point. It's time to pass the responsibilty off to her children. This is NOT your job.

BIG HUGS!! Ya know I lub lub lub you!!

Yeppers... we all lub, lub lub you... good advice Starby

Stringer

[friend4u178]

Yeppers.....we all lub, lub lub ya.....good advice Starby

Stringer

Ditto!!

[jrebel7]

Alty, it is a lonely place to be where you are. You probably feel you have no choice although you do as has been shared earlier. Each of us hurt for the other here in this "virtual" family. You have such a giving heart and that makes you hurt more than some would in the same situation. Please just know whatever decisions you make in handling this, we stand with you. If you stand to give the eulogy, please just feel our presence, each of us who love you, standing beside you, holding you up, giving you strength. We are here for you if you choose to delegate. Just feel us love you and hold you and comfort you in your time of hurts in your heart and in the time you feel you cannot do one more thing. Sometimes we just have to know that we have a choice and when we realize that, we sometimes choose to do the exact thing we didn't feel we could do but having the choice, gives us great freedom. I love you Alty. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. You have been through so much. Just know we love you. Rebbie!

[Alty]

WOW! Every time I think I'm all alone, you all come and show me that I'm not. Tears are falling down my face right now. Why can't you all be my real life family?

I love all of you too, more than you'll ever know.

I'm sorry I wrote that post, I didn't mean to make you all worried. I just wrote it and didn't think before I posted. I'll be okay, I always am. Remember, I'm the strong one, I'll be strong again. I really don't have a choice.

I appreciate all of your support, that alone has given me more strength to deal with this.

It will be another hard road, but I've been down that road before. I was really hoping I could avoid travelling down it again, but that's not in the cards.

Really, honestly, I'll be okay. I'm really sorry that I worried all of you. I didn't mean to.

[friend4u178]

wow! Everytime i think i'm all alone, you all come and show me that i'm not. Tears are falling down my face right now. Why can't you all be my real life family?

I love all of you too, more than you'll ever know.

I'm sorry i wrote that post, i didn't mean to make you all worried. I just wrote it and didn't think before i posted. I'll be okay, i always am. Remember, i'm the strong one, i'll be strong again. I really don't have a choice.

I appreciate all of your support, that alone has given me more strength to deal with this.

It will be another hard road, but i've been down that road before. I was really hoping i could avoid travelling down it again, but that's not in the cards.

Really, honestly, i'll be okay. I'm really sorry that i worried all of you. I didn't mean to.

[spyderglass]

I love you too Alty
*kisses

[starbuck8]

You knew we'd come a running! We can't leave our Alty girl alone! You always know you can call anytime right? Of course you do! I don't care what time, just like you didn't care when I've called you late at night. You were always there, and so will I! ;)

[jrebel7]

Angel, just when I don't think you can surprise me again, you do. What a precious hug you sent Alty.

[Alty]

You guys are the best. Really, can you all adopt me, please?

Thank you, every one of you, you all mean so much to me.

I'll be all right I really will. I'm not good at being on the receiving end of help, I'm usually the one giving the help. I could get used to the hugs and kisses though.

I probably won't be around much for the next little bit. To top it all off we have a wedding to go to on Saturday. I'm not in a very wedding kind of mood. I may just have to cancel that, but it's a dear friend of mine that's getting married. I'm sure she'll understand though.

I will go to the hospital tomorrow, hubby is going with me so that I don't have to stand there alone while everyone else stays in their family groups. I miss my parents so much right now, it feels like they just died yesterday.

Thanks again everyone, I could never express in words how much your support means to me. You are all so precious to me, know that. :)

[Alty]

Good morning my dear friends,

My grandmother passed away last night.

Today she is with my parents, that is what I believe, that is what I must believe. I hope in my heart that there is a heaven, and that one day I will join them all there.

I didn't go to see her. I was going to go today. It's too late. Did she know that I love her?

I'll be gone a lot the next few days. I'll stop in when I can, or when I'm going crazy.

I love you all so much.

[starbuck8]

Oh Alty, I'm so sorry! Of course she knew you loved her, and I'm sure she would understand that you just didn't make it in time. It was her time to go, and she'll be so happy to see your Mom and Dad. Call me if you need to talk okay?

[Alty]

I'll call later Starby, both my cordless phones are dead right now and I don't have time to sit on the land line and talk.

Darn cordless phones. :(

Thanks for the kind words sweetie. :)

[jrebel7]

Alty, I am sorry to hear of your grandmother's passing. I think everyone feels if they aren't with their loved one right at the end, that they have failed them in some way but it is not so. It is who you were to her through out your life. She knew without a doubt of your love for her. When death comes, it comes according to a time table we cannot control. You know how I believe in my faith as I have shared with you before and I believe sometimes God just knows it would make it more difficult for some people to be present at the end. God may have been protecting you, out of His love for you, as it might have been harder had you been present. Just know your grandmother knew how much you loved her and you need to know how much we all love you.

[Alty]

Thank you so much Rebbie. Deep down I do know that she felt my love, and knew that I do love her. It simply was too hard to go to the hospital, I couldn't do it.

I don't regret that choice, now I can remember her the way she was. To this day I still remember my mother the way she was in the end of her life, I cannot remember the healthy, vibrant women that she was. I don't need another bad memory, I have enough to last me a life time.

Of course my Aunts and Uncles don't understand, they are upset that I didn't go to the hospital and say my final good byes. That is what's upsetting me now. Why do people have to make you feel bad about something that you can't change?

[jrebel7]

Alty, one of the most difficult things for me is feeling I have disappointed someone so I understand but there are times we just do not have it in us to do certain things. Others feel better sometimes if they can attack someone else or make them feel bad. Just know you made a decision and they do not need to know why. I always like to give the response if someone asks me why I didn't do this or that or why other things, just look at them and say, "I can't believe you would even ask that question." Then smile and walk away. You do not have to answer to them Sweets. You need peace in your heart.

[Alty]

Thank you Rebbie, you're right. I don't have to justify my actions to anyone, and I'm fine with the choice that I made. I'm glad that my Oma found peace, and that she's with my parents again. To lose a child, as she did, is the hardest thing, I can't imagine it. Now she's finally reunited with my Dad, her first born. :)

[friend4u178]

Alty
I'm really sorry to hear about your Grandmother :( I've been there and know the hollow feeling it brings even though we know its happening.

My Father died a few years ago and unfortunately due to circumstances that I won't go into I also couldn't see him the night before he passed :(

I have posted this song before and it's the song I always listen to when I want to just sit back and remember him , he was my hero!!

I hope you like it!

Chin up , and you know we all Love you a lot :)

YouTube - The Living Years - Mike and the Mechanics

[Alty]

Thank you M. :)

I've been in this position before too, but it really doesn't get any easier. I thought that I had pretty much gotten immune to death and how losing someone feels, I guess not.

In the past few years I wasn't as close to my Oma as I used to be. She moved in with my Aunt and my Aunt pretty much took over, moved all of us out of Oma's life and moved herself and her children in. Not physically, but emotionally.

Now that Oma is gone, my Aunt is starting to realize that she ostrasized everyone else in the family. My Oma's death will be the easy part in all of this (bad as it sounds), the battle afterwards, between her and my Uncles, well, I can predict with 100% accuracy that it isn't going to go well. I will be in the middle, this I can also guarantee.

Right now I'm just concentrating on what has to be done in the next few days, I'll deal with everything else as it comes. Who knows, maybe they'll all surprise me, but I doubt it.

Thanks for posting that song. I too had a very strong relationship with my father. I too was not there when he died, nor was my mother. My father passed on very quickly from the cancer that spread through his body. My mother and I were always at the hospital, not always at the same time, but if one of us was absent the other was there. The day we were told that there was no hope and that he'd only live a few more days at most, we decided to go to the house together and get a few things to make the hospital room more like home. That was the first time that both of us were absent from the hospital. Shortly after we left my father passed on.

My mother never forgave herself, I'm more realistic. Perhaps he needed us to leave in order to feel that he could go. The doctors said the same thing, that most people die when everyone is gone.

Of course my mother passed away 6 1/2 months after my dad, also from cancer, and also when I left the room for a minute. Those little buggers. ;)

Thanks again M, your friendship means so much to me. :)

[Unknown008]

Awww, sorry for you Alty :(... My deepest, earnest, most sincere sympathy.

Nice song M.

Thanks Momma C for your kind words, some pages before.