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dandyj · Oct 29, 2008, 07:53 AM

My ex-husband had full custody of our son (child support waived). My ex passed away in June. My son has always lived in the Dallas area with his dad, stepmom, and his dad's family. My son wants to stay in Dallas and the family wants him to stay. I want to give his grandparents custody of him. Mainly because he is a teenager that has a tendency to get into trouble and I do not agree with the relaxed view of disipline the family in Dallas has. If he was under my supervision, the reins would be a lot tighter! So when he gets into trouble or arrested or takes on debt or gets into a car accident (since they are allowing him to get a car), I do not want to be left "holding the bag". I believe if he is under their care they need to be the ones to "bail him out".
How do I go about giving the grandparents full custody/guardianship without having to go through the whole court system? Is there an agreement that can be drawn up, then signed by both parties, and then maybe notorized?

ScottGem · Oct 29, 2008, 07:58 AM

Nope, Legal custody HAS to be granted by a court. The grandparents have to apply in court for custody or adoptions. You can then agree to this.

stinawords · Oct 29, 2008, 07:59 AM

It would be best to have your attorney draw up the papers. This way the grandparents have guardianship of him so they can also have medical insurance on him and everything. This also means that they are entitled to support from you. Have you talked to them to see if they are willing to take him on? But for full custody it absolutely has to go through the court.

dandyj · Oct 29, 2008, 08:22 AM

Thanks for the advise. I was just trying to see if there was an easier way to go about tranferring custody to the grandparents since we are all in agreement that my son is going to stay in Dallas.

ScottGem · Oct 29, 2008, 08:31 AM

If you are all in agreement then this should be pretty painless. Let the GPs file for custody. Their attorney can arrange to have you give a deposition agreeing to their having custody which is then included in the brief.

lagranoui · Oct 29, 2008, 08:33 AM

You say your son is a teenager. If sixteen or older he is able to make that decision. As for it being legal where you carry no responsibility. I don't think so. But Does the step mom still care for him? If so She can go to court and file for parental responsibility since she has helped with his up bringing. The grandparents can do the same. Which might save you from going to court. If no one argues there application for parental responsibility than it should go through without any problems for you. Sorry to hear about the death of your sons father. That must be hard on him.

homebirthmom · Oct 29, 2008, 08:37 AM

Tip: Keep ALL your papers... every thing written, typed, signed, or not that has to do with the case.
This is just in case something goes wrong at some point...
In Washington, I had custody of my nieces, without court papers, only signed/witnessed papers through myself, and the parents. I had the girls for 16 months, and because of the length of time I had them, the parents had to take me to court to get them back. I would've gladly given the girls back, but for another story, not for here. Basically, Court documents strengthen your case, but does not absolutely have to be done, depending on your state.

dandyj · Oct 29, 2008, 08:41 AM

I don't think the grandparents are in a position to hire an attorney $$$. I can hire an attorney, but I was thinking why have to pay an attorney if we are all in agreement?

homebirthmom · Oct 29, 2008, 08:43 AM

If all is in agreement, just make sure it's ALL in writing. Sign, date, and have it witnessed, notorized if applicable. Then file the court papers, and have it go through that way. An attorney isn't always necessary, unless there are problem agreeing on details. But even those can be overcome with time.

ScottGem · Oct 29, 2008, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by homebirthmom

Basically, Court documents strengthen your case, but does not absolutely have to be done, depending on your state.

I have to disagree with this. For anyone other than the birth parents to have custody requires a court order. Now its possible for someone to be caring for a child with benefit of a court order. But at some point, usually when it comes time to register for school, someone is going to ask for proof that the care giver is the legal parent.

lagranoui · Oct 29, 2008, 09:20 AM

Not necessarily Most schools do not ask for court documentation. Usually Since the child has resided in Dallas And obviously with his step mom and has been involved with his grandparents the school will not question where he resides and who has legal custody if the family and the situation is known to the school. His dad died and Dallas is his home. The odds of mom needing to worry are next to nil. If the grandparents want to raise him and take responsibility than they have that right and can choose to make it legal by applying for parental responsibility. All they have to do is serve notification on the mother and she does not have to attend it would just be ruled on with out her.

ScottGem · Oct 29, 2008, 09:38 AM

Originally Posted by lagranoui

Not necessarily Most schools do not ask for court documentation. .

I don't know where you are getting your information, but its not accurate. Schools, health care providers and others are tightening up on making sure that they are dealing with the legal parent. Almost all schools require a birth certificate on file. If they see there are difference between the names on the because and those of the people having custody there is a good chance they will question it.

I'm not saying its impossible for someone to be in someone else's care without a court order, but its becoming increasingly more difficult. And the time to get it taken care of is not when a hospital refuses to perform a procedure because they don't have the signature of a legal guardian.

In the case of the OP, it's the grandparents who have to go through most of the work. They have to file for guardianship and/or custody. The OP just has to provide his agreement.

lagranoui · Oct 29, 2008, 09:52 AM

I am a mom of three children all with different last names from my own. My oldest is not biologically my x husbands my youngest son is and my daughter belongs to myself and my current husband. My children attend a new school as of sept.2008 I enrolled them told them of the change in marriage and custodial arrangements. Not in all my oldest sons 13 years in 3 schools have I ever had to show legal documents of anything let alone my legal rights to him or whether or not his father was his father. Legal documents are private and unless the school has reason of suspicion they do not have a right to see them. As for the doctor As long as you have their health card they don't say much. The only thing the government cares about is if that person in care of the child has permission to take him or her out of the country if they are traveling by the legal guardian and again it is in a written note which is not checked any further. My info. Is experience.

ScottGem · Oct 29, 2008, 10:00 AM

But you can't equate YOUR experience in one area and assume that it applies universally. Plus you are talking Canada, while I'm talking US.

lagranoui · Oct 29, 2008, 10:10 AM

Ok so I agree with the universal issue. Fair enough. It nay be the issue here and not there but regardless I am speaking on experience and if they are toughening the rules there then good they should here also. So sorry about the responses but my info. In Canada is correct.

lagranoui · Oct 29, 2008, 10:22 AM

Good luck with your child and even if my answers are Canadian law All that matters is law always does what they believe to be best fot the child. Also even if everyone does not always have the same opinion it is still given to assist the person asking. Not all Canadian law is different from the Us.

ScottGem · Oct 29, 2008, 10:22 AM

Originally Posted by lagranoui

Ok so i agree with the universal issue. fair enough. It nay be the issue here and not there but regardless I am speaking on experience and if they are toughening the rules there then good they should here also. So sorry about the responses but my info. in Canada is correct.

I just want to make this clear, I don't want to discourage from sharing your experiences. Just that you need qualify that it is your experience in one instance. If you notice I qualify my comments with phrases like Generally or Frequently or most of the time. This is because there are often exceptions, but there is a norm for many things.

Depressed in MO · Oct 29, 2008, 11:06 AM

I'm not an expert in this myself, but I do live in the U.S. and when my children started going back to school this year, I had taken my ex's name off the list of people who were allowed to pick up the children in case of emergency or for any other reason-and they would not allow me to do so unless I sent a copy of a court order stating that he was not allowed. Even for my daughter's contact list whom he is not even the biological father (we were never married either-and he was only one of my children's biological father)So, I'd say in that aspect, it's very different from Canadian law for this specific topic. It could also vary from state to state in the US as well. I live in Missouri.

this8384 · Oct 29, 2008, 11:12 AM

I'm not sure about the laws in your state. In Wisconsin, there is a form regarding the legal custody and physical placement of the minor child which you can print out, have both parties sign and then submit to the court for approval. The court will then either approve or deny your submission.

I don't really think hiring an attorney is necessary as all parties agree as to what's in the child's best interest.

mlr08 · Oct 29, 2008, 05:03 PM

There are publications available to help people in custody situations who are operating Pro Se (representing yourself). I know that there are two psychologist's who offer Pro Se documents and tons of do-it-yourself publications and "insider" custody strategies.

I know they have packages for Men, Women, and Grandparents.

Here's the link: Child Custody Help