[ziggyelephant]

okay so this is my third question on Help Desk, and again its about my boyfriend. I found out some information that I didn't know about him. It begins on how we met. My friend Charlene and I were walking around a shopping center trying to figure out what to do later that night. We were just walking around in circles, well 2 guys noticed that we were just doing laps around the isles. They whistled and yelled at us trying to get out attention. We began to play with them, we knew they were trying but we ignored them. We finally gave in and went down the isle. I am a very insecure girl. I just feel that no guy could find me attractive. But he was showing me attention. I gave him my phone number, and we stayed up the whole night talking. I really liked him. We saw each other every day. I liked having someone in my life. We went to the beach at night, his mom and I get along great. OH! I forgot, well Charlene and Andrew(his friend) started talking and well all they did was talk, and a few kisses here and there, but she's not interested in him. Well anyway Caleb and I were happy. Then recently he's been blowing me off. I invited him over so he could meet my mom, he said at first he was going to meet up with a friend, and he would be over after. I told him that it was fine, and hours pass. I called him and he started to drink with his friend. I told him that he didn't have to worry about coming over, I didn't want my moms first impression of him to be a drunk. So later that night I invited him over again, and he said that he could come over, but he passed out! I didn't see him for the rest of the week. I saw him during the weekend, and I felt like I was in his way the whole time. I went over to his house, and he sat on the couch playing a video game the whole time, so I left. Then I went and saw him again, and I felt like I was in his way again. To me it doesn't feel the same. Then last night Andrew called me(his friend). Andrew told me from the beginning Caleb wanted Charlene not me, and Andrew wanted me. He said that Caleb has been finding ways to avoid me, that he's been lying to me, and that the only reason he started to gain interest in me was when I told him that I was having a house built. I confronted him and he said yes at first he was interest in Charlene not me. But then he got to know me, and wants to be with me. He told me that he was falling in love with me, and that he didn't want all of this drama, and I asked if he was losing interest in me, and he said from bringing all this on him that he was beginning to. He told me to give him the rest of the night and he would call me in the morning. Then at 1 am Andrew called me and I didn't answer, but he sent me a text saying that if I wanted we could start to talk but not to let anyone know. I told Caleb that. And now I'm here. Not knowing what to do. Everyone I talk to tells me to get rid of Caleb. But its nice having someone.

When I'm with Charlene they guys just stare at her. She's tall Spanish, long brown hair and a big booty. So when I'm with her I know they're not looking at me. I get to sit there and watch guys shower over her, while I just stand there. To go from feeling unwanted to having someone, I don't want to lose that feeling.

I don't know what I'm asking, I guess just some advice, or someone's point of view. I know that this is a rather long "question" but I would appreciate all comments:) thank you!

[BeccaS]

okay so this is my third question on Help Desk, and again its about my boyfriend. I found out some information that I didn't know about him. It begins on how we met. My friend Charlene and I were walking around a shopping center trying to figure out what to do later that night. We were just walking around in circles, well 2 guys noticed that we were just doing laps around the isles. They whistled and yelled at us trying to get out attention. We began to play with them, we knew they were trying but we ignored them. We finally gave in and went down the isle. I am a very insecure girl. I just feel that no guy could find me attractive. But he was showing me attention. I gave him my phone number, and we stayed up the whole night talking. I really liked him. We saw each other every day. I liked having someone in my life. We went to the beach at night, his mom and I get along great. OH! I forgot, well Charlene and Andrew(his friend) started talking and well all they did was talk, and a few kisses here and there, but shes not interested in him. Well anyways Caleb and I were happy. Then recently hes been blowing me off. I invited him over so he could meet my mom, he said at first he was going to meet up with a friend, and he would be over after. I told him that it was fine, and hours pass. I called him and he started to drink with his friend. I told him that he didn't have to worry about coming over, i didn't want my moms first impression of him to be a drunk. So later that night I invited him over again, and he said that he could come over, but he passed out! I didn't see him for the rest of the week. I saw him during the weekend, and I felt like I was in his way the whole time. I went over to his house, and he sat on the couch playing a video game the whole time, so I left. Then I went and saw him again, and I felt like i was in his way again. To me it doesn't feel the same. Then last night Andrew called me(his friend). Andrew told me from the beginning Caleb wanted Charlene not me, and Andrew wanted me. He said that Caleb has been finding ways to avoid me, that hes been lying to me, and that the only reason he started to gain interest in me was when I told him that I was having a house built. I confronted him and he said yes at first he was interest in Charlene not me. But then he got to know me, and wants to be with me. He told me that he was falling in love with me, and that he didn't want all of this drama, and I asked if he was losing interest in me, and he said from bringing all this on him that he was beginning to. He told me to give him the rest of the night and he would call me in the morning. Then at 1 am Andrew called me and I didn't answer, but he sent me a text saying that if I wanted we could start to talk but not to let anyone know. I told Caleb that. and now I'm here. Not knowing what to do. Everyone I talk to tells me to get rid of Caleb. But its nice having someone.

When I'm with Charlene they guys just stare at her. She's tall Spanish, long brown hair and a big booty. So when I'm with her I know they're not looking at me. I get to sit there and watch guys shower over her, while I just stand there. To go from feeling unwanted to having someone, I don't want to lose that feeling.

I don't know what I'm asking, i guess just some advice, or someones point of view. I know that this is a rather long "question" but I would appreciate all comments:) thank you!

Girl I have been in the same situation before and trust me it was really hard to let go of my someone, but in these cases you have to it's just not good for yourself esteem and image.. When you hold on to someone who treats you like that, people's opinions of you change, and it shows the guy that you don't think your worth having someone better. The truth is that you really do deserve better. I would also stay away from Andrew as well he seems like he is just stirring trouble. IN SHORT: Move on and you will be happier!! Hope my advice helps.

[JBeaucaire]

All of this is so stressful, isn't it? But you do need to keep things calm in your heart, if you can.

So, you like this guy, but not the way he acts? You like being with someone, but wish there were more to him? He blows off meeting your family to get drunk and play video games? To be honest, he sounds like a normal flaky teenager.

You don't actually "have" this guy. He's just someone who pays attention to you sometimes. Nothing you're feeling about him or your life is actually life-changing. It's just normal "learning your way through it all" stuff. Try not to blow any of this up in your mind.

Let him have his fun, and you try not so hard to make him into an awesome boyfriend, he's probably not. He's probably just a regular guy, you know?

And your friend getting all that attention from random boys, that seems like something you would want until you start to get it. Imagine having boys pawing at you like that and what it really means... it's not a compliment, and it adds little of value to your life when it does happen.

You're much more likely to experience meaningful relationships if they're based on something other than your looks, anyway, right?

Lots to think about. I wouldn't let any of this overly stress you.

[talaniman]

Geez, what do you expect from mall rats?? I think you need to find what mature young adults do, and maybe get better class of guys to chose from.


Oh, find the guys that don't whistle to get your attention.

[neverme]

Geez, what do you expect from mall rats??? I think you need to find what mature young adults do, and maybe get better class of guys to chose from.


Oh, find the guys that don't whistle to get your attention.

Nicely said, but also easier said than done!

[ziggyelephant]

UPDATE I talked to Caleb, and we discussed everything. Everything that Andrew said was basically a lie, and i believe Caleb. I started to get scared because Caleb got one of his friends into this mess, and Caleb and Montana(his friend) were going to go fight Andrew. I got scared and I told Charlene. But Charlene went and told Andrew and Andrew confronted Caleb and they had Andrew was on his way over to his house so they could fight. But Andrew chickened out. Which I'm happy he did. Caleb got upset with me because i was repeating what he said to Charlene who told to Andrew. But right now Caleb and I are on talking terms. I believe hes actually going to come over later tonight. His mother got mad and kicked him out and he needs a place to stay, I told him that he could stay at my house. I do appreciate everyone's comments. All of this does sound a little childish I'll admit it. Caleb is 22 and I am 19, and also I met Caleb at his work. He works at a department store part time, while he attends a Community College. A little more information about him. :) Thanks again for your words!

[neverme]

I'm sorry ziggy I know your happy now and I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news but this is all going to blow up in your face I'm afraid... hope not for your sake :)

[ziggyelephant]

Once again he has ditched me. His mother and him reconciled and are fine. But instead of seeing me, he wants to stay at home. His mom is upset, but he has company over! He has hes "boys" over! He said that he wanted tonight to himself, he wanted to relax and get his thought collected. But I don't understand how he can do that when his friends are over. I know that I should end everything with Caleb, but I [B]REALLY[B] like him!! If anything I'm in love with him. I don't know how to, how do I end it with him? Any advice? Thanks everyone!

[neverme]

Ziggy you are REALLY letting yourself down here. Letting someone go because the relationship is not good for you is not easy but it is the right and healthy thing to do and in a month you'll thank yourself. I ABSOLUTELY promise.

[ziggyelephant]

Thank you Neverme for everything that your saying. But there is a damper on everything. I gave him my virginity, so it makes this so much harder. That's one reason why I want to work everything out.

[neverme]

OK... your virginity is something that is gone there is nothing you can do about that, to be honest I would say that if you can look back at the night you lost your virginity and say that it was the right decision for the time you'd be doing better than 50% of the population, but whether you can or not its gone and not coming back. Yourself respect is not.. find that and hold onto it because that's a hard one to retrieve, trust me.

[ziggyelephant]

THANK YOU NEVERME!!!!!!!! I think you just solved my problem. I don't know why I thought that I was obligated to him because I gave my virginity. I was thinking that no matter what I was to stay with him. Like it was a marriage vow. Majority of the world does not stay with their first, and I know that. I think I'm over the virginity issue, now I just have to work on my feeling towards him. I'm just going to have to go through the heart ache I think. Again THANK YOU NEVERME! You have helped me so much:)

[SimpleguyJoe]

That's too bad that you gave him something special like that... I hate to break it to you but this guy is NOT the type of guy that you want to stick around with. Just look at the facts!
-He ditchs you to play Video games
-He ditchs you to drink.
-He seems like he will make up ANY excuse to stay away from YOU.

Not to mention you don't love this guy. There is no way you two have spent enough time together or know each other well enough to be in love. Don't mistake sex and lust with love. Even if it feels the same right now I promise you they are completely different. Once you know them bolth you will understand.

Lets just leave it at you deserve much better.

[neverme]

Cheers ziggy... im so glad I could help :D