[aaj2008]

So Ive been with a girl that I truly trust. Recently she discovered she was pregnant and we decided we were not ready for this. She decided to get an abortion. Today is Wednesday and her appointment is Friday... today she told me she had unprotected sex with another man and that the baby is not mine... She says she is truly sorry and realizes what she did was a mistake and that she really wants to spend the rest of her life with me... I want to trust her because I love her and I also want to spend my life with her... But how do I know she really is in it for true love? Please Help and comment... I am completely wrecked and have no clue what to do...

[AWess]

You people need to get sex-educated before even having sex and stop confusing love with whatever it is not. Sex doesn't equal love and love doesn't equal sex. Words and actions are not the same thing. Go figure! You have proof right there that you two are very iresponsible, not to mention she's unfaithful and very iresponsible. This is all there is to it. By no means it's 'true love'!

Sorry if it sounds harsh and not helpful to you at this point but this is what I have to say!

[aaj2008]

I am not irresponsible... I never said that sex equals love. Its not my baby... its the other guys... and I need to know if the trust issue is worth the relationship... would you like to re-read the original post before saying something like that?

[SimpleguyJoe]

Well there we have it you answered your own question. YOU are the only person who can decide if it's worth it. Her trust that will always be damaged goods in your eyes vs. how much you love this girl. If you think she was telling the truth about it being a mistake she might be telling the truth but the fact that she says she will never do it again MIGHT be a lie. She propably told you she would NEVER EVER cheat on you and here she has already gone and done that, so there is no telling if she is lying or in fact telling the truth.

This kind of thing is so tricky it hurts. But here is what I go off. "Once a cheater always a cheater." maybe someday their will be an exception from the rule but most people are either on one side of the fence or the other.

[AWess]

I am not irresponsible...I never said that sex equals love. Its not my baby...its the other guys...and I need to know if the trust issue is worth the relationship....would you like to re-read the original post before saying something like that?

Yes, I've read your post at least 4 times before replying. :rolleyes: That's what got me to say something like that.

It makes NO difference: what if it was your baby? The odds are simply not in your 'favor' this time. Yet, I'm guessing she would not keep it even if it would be yours. Having unprotected sex with someone else while being in a relationship with someone is simply not acceptable in my book.

It's up to you to decide if you can still trust or not. You said you "truly trust" her. Well, look what she's done to you... It's a big issue. She took your trust for granted and messed around with some other men, being not only unfaithful, but also very irresponsible. People don't often change, so you have to take them for who they are. Is that the type of girl you want to be with?

[JBeaucaire]

I think you're missing the issue here, Aaj2008. You already know you can't trust her. So asking if you can trust her or if the trust is worth the risk for possible true love, that's just mindless frustration on your part.

So let's focus a bit here, OK. Your girlfriend had "baby-making" sex with someone else. Trust issue is now resolved, she is capable of this behavior. You know this wasn't a one-time thing, right? This is a real behavior of hers. Focus. She is not sexually faithful. Are we clear? No confusion here.

Next, true love isn't something you get, it's something you GIVE over a lifetime to someone else. You need to keep the whole "love" issue off the table right now if you want to view this clearly.

In my opinion, this isn't an issue of trust or love. It's an issue of your tolerance level. How much crap are you willing to take? How prepared are YOU to be with someone who has the ability to sleep with other men while "sort of" being your boyfriend, too?

How much? If you can answer that, "Oh, I can live with anything, she can do anything she wants in that department and I'll just take it cause I love-luv-loooooove her." Well, there you go then. You don't need to trust her and you don't need her to be faithful if you love-luv-looooooove her, right?

I hope you're seeing my point. Set your feelings aside long enough to end the confusion... admit who she is and how she is... what she's capable of and what she's not. This has nothing to do with you, it has to do with you seeing her honestly and clearly.

Once you look at her honestly, I'm sure you know what to do, eh?