[flower81]

1. If for example your partner told you something in a tone of vioce that you particularly didn't like. You would expect an apology right? But your partner won't say sorry as he believes is has not done anything wrong, even thou you told him he hurt your feelings?
Does that make him inconsiderate of your feeling?
(he is most of time like this, and can't ever say sorry only a few times).

2. If you send a messge to your partner by mistake, which was intended to go to your mum, and you were telling your mum in the message how hurt you are etc.
Two hours later you hear nothing from your partner.
Hoping you will at home, but what if he doesn't say anything.
What kind of a man does that make him?

Please help me.

[flower81]

1. I think he is inconsiderate.
2. Afraid or doesn't know how to deal with a women in pain (even thou he been with her for years)

Do you agree?
Give me more input please

[talaniman]

A fellow that inconsiderate of his partners feelings, is not a good partner.

You not taking a stand for such behavior, makes you and even worse one, and will invite a lot of desrespect in the future.

Don't let this go, as how much effort does it take to say "I'm sorry".

[flower81]

Exactly my point. Im so hurt.
It doesn't take much to say I'm sorry to your partner if you are truly considerate of their feelings.
He is a very stubborn man and I won't be able to change his mind. Ill try, but if it don't work you think its time I move on?
He is loving, caring, fun and all these rest but this is killing me.
What shall I do?

He also hasn't called me or msgd regarding that 'text' which was meant for mum. If I go home and he says nothing about it. What type of guy is he?
:(

[talaniman]

You keep asking the same question, and it doesn't matter what type of person he is. The real question is what type of person are you? And what you do about it? If you can't talk, and work to resolve this issue, this will never work.

If you still don't like what you hear, then its time to figure out what you will do about it.

[JBeaucaire]

If I said something in a "tone" you didn't like, the only apology you might rightly get from me on it is, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

I've lived in a house full of women for 23 years. I can say one thing with absolute certainty. NONE of them ever like "the way" anyone says anything to them. At one point it got so bad we had to make a rule against arguing about tone because that's all anyone complained about. Arguments would go on forever about "tone" and it was killing us all.

When we stopped all that and only allowed arguments over people's actual actions, life become bearable again.

I'm not saying the tone issue is nonexistent. I'm saying for us, it was a loser issue and we all just learned to live with "how" people said things and made them accountable for "what" they said instead.

As for the text message, "what kind of man does it make him" if he chooses to ignore a text message he received with your Mom's name on it? Maybe it makes him normal. Maybe it makes him smart. Maybe it makes him NOT eager to get into yet another argument with you.

Meanwhile, have you stopped and looked at these issues from his shoes at all? Or are you just itching to think ill of him? If you think these issues are solely his issues, you're most likely missing/ignoring the part you are contributing. Possibly?

Either way, imagine you two breaking up completely over these (or other) issues. Imagine that. Now, is your life better or worse after that? Not your feelings, your life. Honestly. Some people (who love each other) just can't be together and be happy/content. Is that the case with you two?

[flower81]

You keep asking the same question, and it doesn't matter what type of person he is. The real question is what type of person are you? And what you do about it? If you can't talk, and work to resolve this issue, this will never work.

If you still don't like what you hear, then its time to figure out what you will do about it.

Im the type of person that is scared to get into another discussion with him.
Its happened before.

Im the one that speaks. He sits there doesn't even look at me and says nothing.
Im tired of that to be honest. It chokes me.
Like I'm talking to a brick wall. That's why I'm asking what shall I do?

Did that make sense?

[flower81]

I'm not saying the tone issue is nonexistent. I'm saying for us, it was a loser issue and we all just learned to live with "how" people said things and made them accountable for "what" they said instead.

As for the text message, "what kind of man does it make him" if he chooses to ignore a text message he received with your Mom's name on it? Maybe it makes him normal. Maybe it makes him smart. Maybe it makes him NOT eager to get into yet another argument with you.

He never likes getting into an argument with me. He doesn't say anything. Im talking ,he sits there and doesn't even look at me.
I think any man would do more than he has done if he saw the wife crying at 7am and then recvd this message.

Meanwhile, have you stopped and looked at these issues from his shoes at all? Or are you just itching to think ill of him? If you think these issues are solely his issues, you're most likely missing/ignoring the part you are contributing. Possibly?

Im not saying I'm perfect I have flaws also, but when I make a mistake I say sorry.
I love him and I don't want to think ill of him at all.
Im just seeing the facts.

Either way, imagine you two breaking up completely over these (or other) issues. Imagine that. Now, is your life better or worse after that? Not your feelings, your life. Honestly. Some people (who love each other) just can't be together and be happy/content. Is that the case with you two?

I know I would be free from these hurtful feelings. I may be lonely if I'm single.
No we are usually happy.
These arguments happen maybe 3 - 4 times a year.
He never says sorry. He never chases me. He tries to make me feel better.
If it has happened I can count in on 1 finger.

[flower81]

He didn't aplogise last night. Did not mention the text message.
Who is this guy?

Ok, he tried to have conversations with me etc... but he DID NOT even try!

[flower81]

I don't know man anymore...

Last night he really embarressed me in front of friends.

We went to our friends and I cooked dinner. While at table my friend got up and asked if my man wanted a drink, he was talking and talking to the guy near him and I could see my friend getting irrate as my man wasn't answering so I said " mike! John is asking if you want a drink?"
He got attitude and said 'alright alright' f**ks sake I hear u', but I'm talking here'
John said all I need is a yes or a no. Then my man turned to me and said 'i have learnt to ignore your voice over the last years'

Then we went to smoke a cigarette outside and I said that comment was uncalled for in front of everyone and he started rubbing his eyes saying OH STOP BEING SILLY

NOW WAS THAT Necessary?

Everyone looked at me like with the look like - how dare he speak to you like that!

Anyway after dinner we sat on sofa. I went on my friends laptop and went to Facebook. I came across a photo of when I was 8 yrs old. It was a school class photo. So I asked to my man.. ' come have a look at this ' the guy who was sitting near me said to my man ' here mate come sit here near her ' and he got up. My man didn't even have the deceny to come near me, all he did was move and said ' I can't see anything '.

So I ignored him. As we left and got in car - I started telling him he is cold jerk and I don't understand. I said if you can't apologise for that you are cold and inconsiderate.

Anyway went home he went to bed immediately.. woke up this morning went to work - no kiss - no sorry and big FAT NOTHING!

What shall I do?
I been with his man for 9 years...
What is his problem.
Prior to this everything was going fine.. like id leave him I love messages on the fridge and he would reply and make me coffee's in the morning
Why did he blow it!

What should my course of actions be?

[flower81]

I thought I could leave the morning pass as its 9.30am here... leave till at least noon to see if he messages but I'm not holding breathe...

And then I message saying this :-

You still don't have the deceny to message me to say sorry. You done wrong last night. No excuse. I felt bad calling you a prick even thou you acted like one. But if you said sorry in the first place I wouldn't have. You better have an apology because if not don't bother to come home. I'm tired you of being so cold and hurtful. It was going great and you blew it. I'm so upset

[neverme]

Im with JBeaucaire on the tone stuff.. the most you would get from me is sorry you feel that way.. and Im a woman.

On the message thing.. you tried to manipulate him and he didn't bite the bait.

[neverme]

Oops

[flower81]

Ah OK.. was slightly confused there :)

[neverme]

On the issue of tone that this thread was first written about I stand by what I said first

On the new issue I wrote back on the other thread

[flower81]

This is an old thread. I by mistake wrote this on both. We can carry on on the other thread.
Im so upset.. I woke up crying! As I heard him leave!
Men!