[talaniman]

I am impressed!

[Jiser]

It took me getting on over a year to get over my first proper 'gf.' I actually spoke to her on msn not that long ago, it was quite strange but I guess a sense of loneliness, acceptance and satisfaction that I had finally moved on.

In fact despite my thinking I would never meet anyone else, as tali said, there will be others. I met an amazin gal on a 4 week tour group holiday. However due to distance and well her, it was just a short lived holiday romance. Ill never say never though as we have tour group reunions but dosing yourself up with realism really helps!

The key is to keep busy, keep your mind occupied, don't fall into the trap of the 'revolving door'! Your going round in circles here, let her go, there will be more women in your life. Between then and now make an effort to improve yourself as a person!

[Sweet_Guy23]

"Lesson learned, women like challenge, once it's gone so are you!"

Women like a challenge?. can someone please explain that to me... please

[Jay_Bird]

You stop being hard on this dude


The is rough for him

I have gone 34 days no contact,and if it wasn't for God and the help of some friends


I would been broke


He is back at square one,but it's a good lesson for him to just let it go


For the original poster,dude she know your number,she knows where you at,if she want to contact she will

You should have left her that one text and left it alone

You keeping on texting her like that,still shows that your desperate,and women hate that bro

Keep your head up,and be strong

[awefn91565]

Ya this was a major setback for your cause but life is all about making mistakes. The one thing I've learned is to start letting go as soon as possible and pick up a new hobby. Ya it's hard but think someone else today got broken up with and is starting this process. It's hard one but it's life and I really think that you can get through this.

Best of luck

[Jay_Bird]

Desperation make you not think st8

Make you start doing stuff you normally wouldn't do


Like begging,confessing your love for them

Not knowing,you only pushing them away even more


My favorite rapper jay-z said on the black album

They say "they never really miss you til you dead or you gone
So on that note i'm leaving after the song"

And on the end of the song he said

If you can respect that your whole perspective is wack
Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black

[talaniman]

Women like a challenge?. can someone please explain that to me... please

It means some females like the hard to figure guy, but since you don't know the female until you get to know them...

Be yourself, and if they like it fine, if not..................see ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't play games, then you probably wont fall for any.

[chuff]

"Lesson learned, women like challenge, once it's gone so are you!"

Women like a challenge?...can someone please explain that to me...please

Direct from the keyboard from the man himself.

Women want a man. Some men define a relationship and love as basically laying down and doing whatever women want to make them happy. In essence they never stand there ground and defend themselves. Women hate men like this, even if they are with them. They want a man who will challenge them on things. The problem most guys have is they think this means being a complete prick all the time. You can do this in a joking manner.

For example, the Chuffster is currently dating a new woman and more importantly, he is also the proud owner of a new Patroit blue, V8 Dodge Ram extended cab pickup truck... and yeah, it's got a Hemi. Now Sweets you probably would never guess this about me, but I've been bragging to anybody that will listen about my new truck. Well, the girl I've been seeing touched it one night after I told her I just washed it, and instead saying nothing or getting mad, I flat out told her, "You have not been given touching rights to my truck.....Quite honestly, you don't deserve visual rights to even look at the truck and if you keep it up, I will revoke those." What the hell am I thinking? I've turned touching my truck into a joke well at the same time challenged her in that she has to come up with an answer to that.

The other day she came to me and asked if we could get drinks this Wednesday at 5:15 pm. Most guys would answer "Uh Okay" or "sure." The Chuffster turned it around and asked her, "Do you deserve to be seen in public with me?" That's a challenge, because it forces her to step out of her usual brain dead answer. And her answer was, "fine we don't have to go" I replied, "Good I've been saved the embarrassment." She laughed and said, "I'll see you at 5:15" without missing a beat I said, "make it 5:14 and don't be late." All I've done is shaved a minute off her time, but I keep her off her toes because whatver she says, I throw it back at her in a challenging manner with some light humor.

Most guys... me included get to a point where they become comfortable and quit making the relationship a challenge, they just glide or give in to her at all times. Women don't want that, they want a guy that will defend himself, be funny, keep her on her toes, call her on her lies, and answer her tests.

[Sweet_Guy23]

It means some females like the hard to figure guy, but since you don't know the female until you get to know them........................................

Be yourself, and if they like it fine, if not..................see ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't play games, then you probably wont fall for any.

That is so true... but the thing is that in the beginning of a relationship things are a mystery because both people don't know each other yet, but once you are with someone for a while and they get to know you well enough, then the "so called mystery" is gone. But to me that doesn't mean the relationship go down... it should get even better from that point... thats why I don't understand the mystery part. But me I'm a natural spontaneous, open-minded type of guy. You know??

[talaniman]

By keeping your life balanced, with friends, and activities of your own, you will always have a chance to keep your partner interested without suffocating her and there will always be a point of excitement, thats fed by your absence that they can look forward to, and appreciate. They are part of your life, not your whole focus, and definitely not put on a pedestal, from where you worship them, at the expense of yourself.

Giving too much, to soon, is a disaster waiting to happen, and destroys any chance you have at developing any bond that allows communication, and interest, and sets up failure when the high, unrealistic expectations of a relationship, are not met. Most relationships fail anyway, so emotionally investing too much at the beginning is generally a fools bet, and leads to disappointments.

You don't need a partner to be happy, if your happy with yourself, and thats the most important relationship to begin with, and never forget that. That's what gives you something good to share with the right person.

Meeting someone for the first time, and learning is great, but long term relationships seldom are about mystery, and I think young females like the challenge as stimulating, because they are very inexperienced, and like the strong tough type, but trust me, thats not who they marry.

Strong confident men are attractive, but not all females like the bad boy type. That's why I say be yourself, and if thats not what she wants, then there are more where she came from.

Just keeping it real.

[chuff]

You don't need a partner to be happy, if your happy with yourself, and thats the most important relationship to begin with, and never forget that. Thats what gives you something good to share with the right person.

To follow up on that, the moment you start living your life for her as opposed to yourself you are giving up any challenge. If you make her the center of your life then you start doing all sorts of crazy things for her at your own expense. That is the exact opposite of challenge and the exact opposite of what women want.

I used to work with a guy, and if you asked him anything his response was always something like, "What do you think I should do?" or "would that upset anybody?" Sometimes I got the point, where I was telling him, "look I don't care what your answer is, I just want one." Now that is the exact way some men act in a relationship and they never take a stand, they worry so much about her they lose themselves, and they bring nothing to the table because the woman basically carries the load. Then when she leaves they start asking themselves "Why did she go if I gave her everything." They don't want everything, they want someone who carries there load in the relationship.

[Sweet_Guy23]

I hear you but in my past relationship I was doing everything... I mean everything! Suggesting to go here, go there, experience this, experience that, had to suggest going to see her at school to spend a little with her (She never invited me to come see her... not once!). Then when I back off her to get her to kind of step up she wouldn't. All she ever said was that I was too excited, and that I need to chill. She never suggested that we do anything, go anywhere, nothing... she just had an attitude that she was uninterested. She wasn't like that at first though. I mean I felt like I was doing everything, and I got unhappy. I want someone who contributes to the relationship too. But you know it came to the point that I was thinking about what she wanted more than what I wanted. I had to remember my happiness is important too.

Its take TWO people to have a GREAT relationship!

[Sweet_Guy23]

By keeping your life balanced, with friends, and activities of your own, you will always have a chance to keep your partner interested without suffocating her and there will always be a point of excitement, thats fed by your absence that they can look forward to, and appreciate. They are part of your life, not your whole focus, and definitely not put on a pedestal, from where you worship them, at the expense of yourself.

Giving to much, to soon, is a disaster waiting to happen, and destroys any chance you have at developing any bond that allows communication, and interest, and sets up failure when the high, unrealistic expectations of a relationship, are not met. Most relationships fail anyway, so emotionally investing to much at the beginning is generally a fools bet, and leads to disappointments.

You don't need a partner to be happy, if your happy with yourself, and thats the most important relationship to begin with, and never forget that. Thats what gives you something good to share with the right person.

Meeting someone for the first time, and learning is great, but long term relationships seldom are about mystery, and I think young females like the challenge as stimulating, because they are very inexperienced, and like the strong tough type, but trust me, thats not who they marry.

Strong confident men are attractive, but not all females like the bad boy type. Thats why I say be yourself, and if thats not what she wants, then there are more where she came from.

Just keeping it real.

You know... with my last relationship (the one I'm venting on here about) We did spend a lot of time together at first kind of, but then it wasn't a lot... alot because she was working and I was working and going to school, music, and church. She was mature for her age but she was 18 still. Young! And she fell in love way too quick only after about a month and a half. Then I fell in love with her... I should have known better but because she was so mature (which turns out she wasn't) I took her word verbatum. Then her getting ready to go off to school changes starting to happen... me putting into the relationship way more than her... acting funny with me... she don't know if she's in love anymore... wants to cool down on the "love stuff"... I'm too sweet... not being honest with me about her feelings... not communicating... etc... just a mess!! It all turns to the point that my feelings for her were way stronger than her feelings for me... I think my main problem was that "I WAS GIVING TOO MUCH (TIME, EMOTIONS, OPENING MY HEART UP, LETTING MY GUARD DOWN)...WAY TOO SOON" and it ended up with her easily moving on and me taking it has hard as I am at the moment...

But I like how you put that... Ima make sure that I get that in my head... even if I have to read that daily I will...

"They are a PART of your life, NOT your MAIN FOCUS!"

[talaniman]

They don't want everything, they want someone who carries there load in the relationship.

And I feel the same.

[Sweet_Guy23]

They don't want everything, they want someone who carries there load in the relationship.

Can someone explain that please..

"Women don't want everything, they want someone who carries their load in the relationship."

[Jay_Bird]

It means stop being a p*ssy and be a man

[chuff]

Dude you are so awesome you don't even know it. Most guys would make the same mistakes over and over and over and never learn and here you are turning this situation around for you own future and you own good. From this negative experience will come a positive gain.

Can someone explain that please...?

"Women don't want everything, they want someone who carries their load in the relationship."

That is your question and I'm going to answer it by looking at the previous post you made.

I hear ya but in my past relationship I was doing everything...I mean everything!

That is exactly where we start. That is not carry your load. That is carry both your loads and making her do nothing. There is no "challenge" to her if she never does anything for the relationship. She's just there and estentially she's using you and you are allowing it. Women know men are supposed to be strong and when you allow yourself to be used by her she knows that weak and will not give her what she really wants, which is a strong man who is in charge of himself. A guy in charge of himself does not allow others to control him, and that includes her. That is why you never everything. In fact, you should being giving 40% and allowing her to give 60%. If you give 100% to her then what's your value to her? It's not 100% as you would logically think but it 0% because once you give everything, you have lost all your value and are worth nothing.

Suggesting to go here, go there, experience this, experience that,

Never suggest to a woman. That tells her you can't make a decision. You can tell her your taking her to such and such place and she can say no, but never ask her for her permission. That puts her in control... women want a man in control. A man in control is a man that carries his load in the relationship. Asking her what to do is logically the right thing to do, it says your not bullying her and appreciate her opinion. But in reality woman want a man who can entertain them, and when you ask her what she wants to do, that is not controlling your portion of the relationship. You carry your half (40%) by telling her what you are going to take her to do.

Now if she says something like, "I'd love to go rafting sometime" obviously that's a hint to take her and you can at a later time. But she told you what she wanted, and you can use that as something to do. To add to my challenge thing, my ex actually said the rafting thing to me once and instead of going "uh okay whatever you want honey." I answered, "Maybe if you behave yourself for the next month I'll take you then," and I said it smiling. You can't be a jerk about this you have to have some light humor. Now that's a challenge, because it's funny, it's not a straight answer even though it's a yes, and it gives them something to look forward to.

had to suggest going to see her at school to spend a lil with her (She never invited me to come see her...not once!).

That's again not taking control of the relationship. That's pressuring yourself on her which again is not carrying the load but dumping it on her with a guilt trip.

On a side note, if she doesn't invite you to come see her... not once then that's a good clue she wasn't interested. I don't care what she said, you have to pay attention to a woman's actions, because that's how the communicate.

Then when I back off of her to get her to kinda step up she wouldn't.

Another clue. When she backs away you back away. When she backs off all the way, you back off all the way. It's kind of like a psychological dance, in that you have to learn about women and how they think emotionally instead of logically.

But this is not carrying your end of the arrangement because she wanted to be left alone and you kept going in and bothering her.

All she ever said was that I was too excited, and that I need to chill.

She was really saying that were into her more then she was into you.

She never suggested that we do anything, go anywhere, nothing...she just had an attitude that she was uninterested.

She was uniterested. That's why you have to learn to speak in actions. If she's blowing you off then stay away from her.

She wasn't like that at first though. I mean I felt like I was doing everything, and I got unhappy.

Well, there's the problem. Once you change she's going to lose interest. Once you get unhappy, she's going to be unhappy.

I want someone who contributes to the relationship too.

That is your logical male brain talking. She wants someone who will take charge, entertain her, lead her, and make life happy for her. You did all those things at first and then when you changed, she lost interest. But all those things are what men do to carry there load, when they start dumping that on women, the woman might put up with for a bit but that is unnatural to them so they will leave... or even if they don't they will become uninterested.

But you know it came to the point that I was thinking about what she wanted more than what I wanted. I had to remember my happiness is important too.

It's not important too. It's most important. If you aren't happy then you can't make her happy. When you start turning to her to make you happy it's over. Your happiness comes from within. Furtermore, your happiness is not her responsibility and she doesn't want that responsibility. Nor should you blame her. I work with a woman who b*tches about everything... I mean truly everything. I can't start a conversation with her without it turning into some dilema with in one minute. I know that because I've timed her. Anyway I'm sure you know somebody like that, and after you talk to them for awhile you feel emotionally drained. Well that's exactly what women feel like when the man turns to them for the man's happiness.

Its take TWO people to have a GREAT relationship!

Yes, but you have to know what your roles are in that relationship, and when it becomes just you having the relationship you are NOT carrying your load, your just holding on for no reason. Furthermore, if you carry her half then what's in it for her? She has no reason to be apart of something if you don't allow her to be.

[Sweet_Guy23]

Dude you are so awesome you don't even know it. Most guys would make the same mistakes over and over and over and never learn and here you are turning this situation around for you own future and you own good. From this negative experience will come a postive gain.




That is your question and I'm going to answer it by looking at the previous post you made.





That is exactly where we start. That is not carry your load. That is carry both your loads and making her do nothing. There is no "challenge" to her if she never does anything for the relationship. She's just there and estentially she's using you and you are allowing it. Women know men are supposed to be strong and when you allow yourself to be used by her she knows that weak and will not give her what she really wants, which is a strong man who is in charge of himself. A guy in charge of himself does not allow others to control him, and that includes her. That is why you never everything. In fact, you should being giving 40% and allowing her to give 60%. If you give 100% to her then what's your value to her? It's not 100% as you would logically think but it 0% because once you give everything, you have lost all your value and are worth nothing.



Never suggest to a woman. That tells her you can't make a decision. You can tell her your taking her to such and such place and she can say no, but never ask her for her permission. That puts her in control....women want a man in control. A man in control is a man that carries his load in the relationship. Asking her what to do is logically the right thing to do, it says your not bullying her and appreciate her opinion. But in reality woman want a man who can entertain them, and when you ask her what she wants to do, that is not controling your portion of the relationship. You carry your half (40%) by telling her what you are going to take her to do.

Now if she says something like, "I'd love to go rafting sometime" obviously that's a hint to take her and you can at a later time. But she told you what she wanted, and you can use that as something to do. To add to my challenge thing, my ex actually said the rafting thing to me once and instead of going "uh okay whatever you want honey." I answered, "Maybe if you behave yourself for the next month I'll take you then," and I said it smiling. You can't be a jerk about this you have to have some light humor. Now that's a challenge, because it's funny, it's not a straight answer even though it's a yes, and it gives them something to look forward to.



That's again not taking control of the relationship. That's pressuring yourself on her which again is not carrying the load but dumping it on her with a guilt trip.

On a side note, if she doesn't invite you to come see her.....not once then that's a good clue she wasn't interested. I don't care what she said, you have to pay attention to a woman's actions, because that's how the communicate.



Another clue. When she backs away you back away. When she backs off all the way, you back off all the way. It's kind of like a psychological dance, in that you have to learn about women and how they think emotionally instead of logically.

But this is not carrying your end of the arrangement because she wanted to be left alone and you kept going in and bothering her.



She was really saying that were into her more then she was into you.



She was uniterested. That's why you have to learn to speak in actions. If she's blowing you off then stay away from her.



Well, there's the problem. Once you change she's going to lose interest. Once you get unhappy, she's going to be unhappy.



That is your logical male brain talking. She wants someone who will take charge, entertain her, lead her, and make life happy for her. You did all those things at first and then when you changed, she lost interest. But all those things are what men do to carry there load, when they start dumping that on women, the woman might put up with for a bit but that is unnatural to them so they will leave....or even if they don't they will become uninterested.



It's not important too. It's most important. If you aren't happy then you can't make her happy. When you start turning to her to make you happy it's over. Your happiness comes from within. Furtermore, your happiness is not her responsibility and she doesn't want that responsiblity. Nor should you blame her. I work with a woman who b*tches about everything.....I mean truly everything. I can't start a conversation with her without it turning into some dilema with in one minute. I know that because I've timed her. Anyways I'm sure you know somebody like that, and after you talk to them for awhile you feel emotionally drained. Well that's exactly what women feel like when the man turns to them for the man's happiness.




Yes, but you have to know what your roles are in that relationship, and when it becomes just you having the relationship you are NOT carrying your load, your just holding on for no reason. Furthermore, if you carry her half then what's in it for her? She has no reason to be apart of something if you don't allow her to be.

Wow! Really valuable information... I will be consistently reading that too. I am awesome? Don't feel like it... lol

You know the only reason why I suggested things to her was because she said that "I was trying to make the relationship that I wanted it to be." So I start suggesting things trying to include her in some things. You know?

You said when I changed, she started to change. Well I stayed the same guy that she supposely fell in love with. I didn't change at all but when I started noticing that she was starting to change... being distant, not as into the relationship as she use to be... signs like that I simply asked her was everything OK and all she would ever say was that "Im fine...everything is ok" which her actions didn't line up to that. I asked her a few times and got the same reply. Then finally one night she opened and told that she wasn't as excited as she was before, so I asked her why she felt that way and she says "I don't know" I asked her does she love me and I get no response at all. I give her space. A few days later we break up. She calls me back the same day "breaking up is something I didn't want to do" she tells me. So we give it another try. After that the relationship just didn't feel right. But I was still being myself as I always am. Couple of weeks later (which she still didn't know why she felt that way she did... I still don't know why she changed) I break up with her... bc she was still being distant... not the same girl I met before.

[Sweet_Guy23]

In fact, you should being giving 40% and allowing her to give 60%. If you give 100% to her then what's your value to her? It's not 100% as you would logically think but it 0% because once you give everything, you have lost all your value and are worth nothing.

If I'm suppose to be giving 40% and she is suppose to be giving 60%. Now that I know what my job is. What is her job in the relationship..?

[chuff]

Wow! Really valuable information...I will be consistently reading that too. I am awesome? Don't feel like it...lol

I know you don't. What's worse for me is I know you don't see it but ask any regular poster here and they will agree with me on this even if they disagree with me on everything else. Most people come to this site get told something they don't like hearing and leave and either sit in misery or blame us for being stupid and not knowing "this girl is different."

You on the other hand are actually asking. You stuck around. You know there's more to this even if you can't see it front of you at the moment. Right now you can't see it, because you emotions are clouding you, but when the clouds clear a lot of what you are getting now will be clear as day and more important will help you grow and not make the same mistakes. That is why you are awesome. Some people, like myself, spent way to many years making the same mistakes over and over and over and over and over and finally after getting tired of slamming my head into the wall, and being stabbed in the back it suddenly dawned on me, "Hey it might be me." Dude, your young, and the reality is this was your first real girlfriend and statistically speaking those aren't going to last anyway even if she was great. But in all this you are saying to yourself, "I've got a lot to learn, but I'm willing." Do you think she is, or do you think she's going to make the same mistakes over and over. In that regard you will win, and winning is awesome.

You know the only reason why I suggested things to her was because she said that "I was trying to make the relationship that I wanted it to be." So I start suggesting things trying to include her in some things. You know?

I know exactly what you are saying. It's logical. It makes sense. It's easy to understand. You know why I know what your saying? Because I'm a guy! Women are not logical. They don't make sense. They can be easy to understand but you have to sort of unteach yourself some of the stuff you've been brainwashed with. For example, movies and TV constantly have men act like you were doing asking for permission, acting like wussies, acting like we can't live without them. But that's not accurate.

Women want a man to guide them and take charge. When you start suggesting things you are not doing that. Remember what I said before, if she wants to do something she'll tell you. Then be a good guy and do it. But if she isn't suggesting anything flat out tell her what you'll be doing and when you'll being doing it. If she disapproves she'll tell you.

You said when I changed, she started to change. Well I stayed the same guy that she supposely fell in love with. I didn't change at all but when I started noticing that she was starting to change...being distant, not as into the relationship as she use to be...

But Sweets, you said in the other posts you were constantly trying to get to spend time with her and to get her to do things. That isn't the way you acted when you first met. When you started to give her power over you, she lost interest. When she backed off, you went in even further. In fact you didn't let up. That's not how you acted when you first met.

signs like that I simply asked her was everything ok and all she would ever say was that "Im fine...everything is ok" which her actions didn't line up to that.

Exactly. Women speak with actions and they judge us by actions. When her actions don't line up with her words she is lying. But instead of beating that dead horse you have to back off and give her room.

I asked her a few times and got the same reply. Then finally one night she opened and told that she wasn't as excited as she was before, so I asked her why she felt that way and she says "I don't know"

Dude, that is how women speak when they don't know how to say you've changed. They can't tell you because it doesn't make sense to them either.

I asked her does she love me and I get no response at all. I give her space. A few days later we break up. She calls me back the same day "breaking up is something I didn't want to do" she tells me. So we give it another try. After that the relationship just didn't feel right. But I was still being myself as I always am. Couple of weeks later (which she still didn't know why she felt that way she did...I still don't know why she changed) I break up with her...bc she was still being distant...not the same girl I met before.

Who knows why she is not the same, she's growing and changing. But so are you, you are taking this issue and making it better for yourself. That's growth that matters to you. That's only going to help you in the future. The sad reality of life is, you can change on your own but sometimes real change comes from real pain. That is what you are doing when so many people won't and keep making the same mistakes.