[Dare81]

ah i see, thanks for the fill in. What about just putting the stuff you get in a larger envelope and mailing them to her. No need to add a message or anything to the mix, just her statements and so forth. This way she gets what she needs, you don't have to talk to her or go out of your way to get them to her.

I agree with NNG here.you don't have to deal with all the drama, just mail her the stuff (even the clothes).

[hungtoronto]

ah i see, thanks for the fill in. What about just putting the stuff you get in a larger envelope and mailing them to her. No need to add a message or anything to the mix, just her statements and so forth. This way she gets what she needs, you don't have to talk to her or go out of your way to get them to her.

My ex knows this relationship game very well so when she broke up with me she avoided me like the plague to protect herself. So I don't know where she live and I won't ask why bother. I'll not contact her until I get back from my trip or not even then.


A little off topic here but for people who don't believe in NC, let me tell you a little story. When my first ex broke up with me 6 years ago, I was devastated I did the begging, pleading, try to find out about her with this new guy it hurt so bad the more I know(NNG you can relate to this). She did come back for a bit after she saw me with another girl (she was a friend) but it never worked out and we ended up breaking up again. She just strung you along wish I knew. A few year later she contacted me on Yahoo pretend to be a friend of her. She said she was miserable and wasn't happy with the guy she married. She wish she could have choose me instead lol. Too late.

This time around I didn't do half of what I did. But I was in the state of shock as usual who isn't? I sort of act a little desperate for the first few weeks but it was my fault, I went out to give her stuff and she call a guy right in front of me. That's very cruel you can imagine the pain I went through.

So my advice is if you got dumped go NC not to get her back but to heal. NC is the hardest thing that you will be faced with. It's the test of your strength, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. And next time when this happen you'll handle it a lot better. And you know what the sweetest revenge is "knowing that she felt regret and not happy with the new guy"

[redwee74]

Hey Guys not doing to good with no contact but am trying she always seems to know when I am doing a little better or have a date with someone. I just can't not answer the phone and then when I try to call or text she is never availbe. Always on her terms. She is not going to win I will stick with it this time. I have to for myself. Some of the post I have read help. Just venting sorry. I will keep on.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Hey Guys not doing to good with no contact but am trying she always seems to know when I am doing a little better or have a date with someone. I just can't not answer the phone and then when I try to call or text she is never availbe. Always on her terms. She is not going to win I will stick with it this time. I have to for my self. Some of the post I have read help. Just venting sorry. I will keep on.

I hear you redwee... I shared your problem exactly. I could do no contact no problem on my own but whenever she called or texted I was jimmy on the spot to answer or reply. She would generally call or text when she was having her down moments about the break-up or something stressful was going on in her life. And as soon as she got out of me that I still missed her and she started to feel better, she was gone like the wind. And I continued with this cycle for months. I would go from starting to feel pretty good to feeling crappy instantly after contact. But I can see now that I reciprocated this contact because I was holding on to any sort of hope that she would want to give it another go. Two weeks ago I put my foot down... She had called me very upset because she found out I was seeing someone... Told me I shouldn't be because she wasn't and that we should get together over thanksgiving and I should visit her and maybe reconcile. (she moved after the break-up to do a masters) She disappeared after this little conversation and I decided that was it. I changed my cell number about a week ago and ensured that all her e-mails and IM's were blocked. There really isn't anyway for her to get in contact with me now which means I can really heal in peace.

What she is doing is selfish, its about making her feel better and not about her wanting to get back together with you. It's rough because until you squash that hope you have of getting her back, you are pretty likely to give into her fake advances.

That's kind of long, but I thought it would help to know this isn't unique to you, it happens to the best of us, and we all screwed up just like you.

Keep your wits about you as best you can now, and try to see through her bs.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

"knowing that she felt regret and not happy with the new guy"

Haha, isn't the sweetest revenge a life well lived?? Supposedly anyway.

NC is a pretty hard thing to follow through with. But now that I look back over the last 5 months I think not sticking to it is worse. Every time I have broken NC I have come out feeling worse than I did before I had. And I'm sure most of you would agree on that.

So think about that redwee... next time you feel like contacting her just remember what came of the last time you broke NC. A heavier heart and a step backwards. It's simply not worth it.

[bigbird213]

NC is a pretty hard thing to follow through with. But now that I look back over the last 5 months I think not sticking to it is worse. Every time I have broken NC I have come out feeling worse than I did before I had. And I'm sure most of you would agree on that.

Got my vote.

[Molecular]

Oh god damnit. 9 days of NC, feeling slightly better, and my girlfriend breaks it. She starts talking to me on msn out of nowhere. The funny part was it started pretty casual like "How are you doing?" and I figured I should reply to this given the circumstances of our last chat I was pretty much a broken man, but given the amount of recovery I had gotten done over the last couple of days I thought I'd let her know that I'm doing very well without her and suddenly have a lot of time to pursue my own interests and stuff.

Mainly because I hated how broken down I was the last time we spoke and I hated how pathetic I had acted, I wanted to show her that she no longer had me to fall back on if the hit the fan for her.
So we're just talking casually and I'm being amazed at myself how little this actually bothers me, then out of the clear blue she asks me if I feel it's too early for her to be dating other guys. This nearly killed me. We broke up two weeks ago after dating for 5 years, just days before we broke up she said how she loved me and everything, then two weeks and she wants to date other guys?

Naturally I did the adult thing and said it's none of my business and that if she finds someone she likes it would be too stupid if she couldn't date them just because of me. I'm not sure if this was something she was just wondering about or if she was asking genuinly because she wanted to get out in the dating game, but it still hurt like a motherfu@£er. I think the part of it that hurts the most isn't that she wants to date other guys, really. I've accepted that she's not mine anymore and all that, but I refuse to believe that she found someone she could actually consider spending the rest of her life with so fast, and I'm thinking she's just looking for "random play". A big reason to why I loved this woman was because I didn't think she was this kind of girl.

On the bright side, if that's her style, then obviously part of the reason I loved her in the first place wasn't entirely justified. Part of me is feeling pretty broken down right now, and this couldn't have come at a worse time. I have this pretty big test in a few days that I really need to study for. My last test was of the week she broke up with me and it naturally went to hell because I couldn't think of anything else, now I suffered another major setback.

On the bright side however I think the idea of her actually telling me she wants to date other guys might make recovery a bit faster for me because in a way I suddenly did realize how over me she already is, and how futile any thought of us ever getting back together actually is. Next time she just starts talking to me on msn I think I might not even reply.

[hungtoronto]

Oh god damnit. 9 days of NC, feeling slightly better, and my girlfriend breaks it. She starts talking to me on msn out of nowhere. The funny part was it started out pretty casual like "How are you doing?" and I figured I should reply to this given the circumstances of our last chat I was pretty much a broken man, but given the amount of recovery I had gotten done over the last couple of days I thought i'd let her know that i'm doing very well without her and suddenly have a lot of time to pursue my own interests and stuff.

Mainly because I hated how broken down I was the last time we spoke and I hated how pathetic I had acted, I wanted to show her that she no longer had me to fall back on if the hit the fan for her.
So we're just talking casually and i'm being amazed at myself how little this actually bothers me, then out of the clear blue she asks me if I feel it's too early for her to be dating other guys. This nearly killed me. We broke up two weeks ago after dating for 5 years, just days before we broke up she said how she loved me and everything, then two weeks and she wants to date other guys?

Naturally I did the adult thing and said it's none of my business and that if she finds someone she likes it would be too stupid if she couldn't date them just because of me. I'm not sure if this was something she was just wondering about or if she was asking genuinly because she wanted to get out in the dating game, but it still hurt like a motherfu@£er. I think the part of it that hurts the most isn't that she wants to date other guys, really. I've accepted that she's not mine anymore and all that, but I refuse to believe that she found someone she could actually consider spending the rest of her life with so fast, and I'm thinking she's just looking for "random play". A big reason to why I loved this woman was because I didn't think she was this kind of girl.

On the bright side, if that's her style, then obviously part of the reason I loved her in the first place wasn't entirely justified. Part of me is feeling pretty broken down right now, and this couldn't have come at a worse time. I have this pretty big test in a few days that I really need to study for. My last test was of the week she broke up with me and it naturally went to hell because I couldn't think of anything else, now I suffered another major setback.

On the bright side however I think the idea of her actually telling me she wants to date other guys might make recovery a bit faster for me because in a way I suddenly did realize how over me she already is, and how futile any thought of us ever getting back together actually is. Next time she just starts talking to me on msn I think I might not even reply.

Knowing that she date other guys will make you feel worse. Trust me on this. I've been there. It may not hit you right away but in a few days you will start to create all these scenarios that will drive u nuts and make you feel to contact her even more. She's just playing with you to see how you would react to give her an ego boost. Get back to NC and get serious this time. Get a new MSN nick and don't go back to the old one again. That's what I did. I was going to send my ex an email yesterday but I was glad I didn't do it. The more you resist the urge and temptation the stronger you will get day by day. Trust me.

[bigbird213]

Molecular that's tough, and I have to agree with hung here. Your mind is probably going to go nuts, creating scenarios that are going to drive you crazy. Your going to be tempted to call her, break down, yell, scream, anything to get attention and find out why she is over you so quickly...

The thing is, those are all scenarios. You really don't know anything for sure, and the whole point behind NC is to keep it that way. You don't want to know anything, so the less you put yourself in a situation to find things out, the less there is a chance that you will...

Remember that anything you mind creates is just that -- a creation. Keep yourself busy, and this will past quicker than you expect. Its happened to me, its happened to most of us on here... once you get over it its great to be able to say, well I handled that, I can handle anything... trust m.e

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Molecular...

That's a huge B**ch move on her part... Unless she is completely naïve and oblivious she knew that would make you feel bad. And it probably had something to do with how different you were acting during the conversation compared to the last time you talked. She wanted a rise out of you and luckily you kept your cool.

I got to say though, what the hell is she doing on your IM still. Block and delete her, you can't leave yourself open to these sorts of things. I mean everything, phone book, Facebook, e-mails, all IM's.

Like Bird said, your imagination is going to be running wild in the days or weeks to come. Remember though, its all of your own creation and you can't believe what you make up.

This was really mean of her... she broke up with you only weeks ago, she has to of known hearing something like that would make you miserable, and really there is absolutely no point in her asking your permission. This was a direct shot at you. Take it and use it to give you strength, ignore her!!

[Dare81]

Her is an update on my situation,
I got a call from her this morning I didn't pick up she left me a message asking me asking me how the whole transferring the phone situation was going. Then I got a call from her again tonight. Like an idiot I picked up.She asks me the same question again, I said it was okay, then I wanted to get off the phone but she says that she had this major car accident yesterday and starts going on about it. We end up talking for about half an hour about her accident and random stuff.I was trying to get off the phone as soon as she was done telling me her story but she asked me are u trying to get off the phone with me? I said no I should have said yes.

I am confused why would she tell me about the accident, we are broken up, If I had a major accident I doubt I would tell her because she is not a part of my life anymore

I was also wondering do I call her in a couple of days to ask her how she is doing or do I just let it go.

Everything was going fine for the first 21 days we had no contact but I don't know what she is trying to achieve with
this random chatter.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Her is an update on my situation,
I got a call from her this morning i didn't pick up she left me a message asking me asking me how the whole transferring the phone situation was going. Then i got a call from her again tonight. Like an idiot i picked up.She asks me the same question again, i said it was okay, then i wanted to get off the phone but she says that she had this major car accident yesterday and starts going on about it. We end up talking for about half an hour about her accident and random stuff.I was trying to get off the phone as soon as she was done telling me her story but she asked me are u trying to get off the phone with me? I said no i should have said yes.

I am confused why would she tell me about the accident, we are broken up,,If i had a major accident i doubt i would tell her because she is not a part of my life anymore

I was also wondering do i call her in a couple of days to ask her how she is doing or do i just let it go.

Everything was going fine for the first 21 days we had no contact but i don't know what she is trying to achieve with
this random chatter.

Dare,

Think you have been here long enough to know that things like this really mean nothing. I hope you are not taking this as any kind of hope or reaching out by her to possibly ease back into a relationship.

She misses you, she had a car accident and is used to someone being there for her when something negative happens in her life. She was looking to you to make her feel better and nothing more. You fell trap to this by answering the phone... and now you are left trying to decipher what all this means.

Next time just let it go to voicemail. And no, you don't need to call her to see how she is in a couple days. She called you, she's fine and she is not going to develop some sort of life threatening complication within a few days.

This is just a bump in the road my friend, get back on that NC horse and ride it out.

[Molecular]

Thanks for all your help guys! It's very much appreciated. My internet went down last night straight after posting that and it was pretty much killing me not being able to read your replies when I needed them the most, but it's working again now and it's safe to say I feel a lot better.

I think you're right that she came on msn just to feed her ego and that I was acting so well made her a bit angry because she was expecting me to be as beat down and pathetic as I was last time, which is why she gave me the low-shot.

It's something that I, in all honesty would never expect of her, but if this is how she feels like she needs to treat me after five years of meaningfull relationship than so be it, I lost so much respect for her and although that hurts, it feels better than idolizing her as I was previously. Completely doing NC is very hard for me. She lives right down the street and we attend the same university, so we run into each other every now and then.
I don't have her on my contact list but I forgot to block her before I deleted her so she can still contact me when she wants to, and in all honesty this doesn't bother me that much.

What she said yesterday really hurt, but I'm glad she said it on msn so that I could say what I knew I should say instead of what I wanted to say. Had I bumped into her on uni and she'd have asked the same question then I don't think I'd have been able to keep my cool, and I would've given her what she wanted. It also feels kind of relieving that I was the one able to maintain NC, whereas she couldn't. This obviously means there's still things she needs from me, be it an ego boost or just some validation, I'm not going to give it to her, ever.

Anyway thanks again lads! Going to give the "blocking her on msn" thing another chance, but in all honesty I'd rather have her contacting me on msn than talking to me face to face when we bump into each other, I know I can say and do what I should without having to suffer the consequences of social interaction.

[Dare81]

Dare,

Think you have been here long enough to know that things like this really mean nothing. I hope you are not taking this as any kind of hope or reaching out by her to possibly ease back into a relationship.

She misses you, she had a car accident and is used to someone being there for her when something negative happens in her life. She was looking to you to make her feel better and nothing more. You fell trap to this by answering the phone... and now you are left trying to decipher what all this means.

Next time just let it go to voicemail. And no, you don't need to call her to see how she is in a couple days. She called you, shes fine and she is not going to develop some sort of life threatening complication within a few days.

This is just a bump in the road my friend, get back on that NC horse and ride it out.

Thanks NNG,I shouldn't have answered the phone.Even though I don't have the urge to call her, every time she calls I pick up.

[talaniman]

Thanks NNG,I shouldn't have answered the phone.Even though i dont have the urge to call her, everytime she calls i pick up.

Be busy and unavailable, and polite.

[Fredj88]

Day 17 of NC, she has msge dme twice once on Yahoo once and msn, the first was hey how are you doing I waited 5 minutes then signed off. Then she messaged me a few days later on Yahoo I did the same thing waited 5 minutes and signed off. I know it was probably rude to do etc. but just saying one word and she would have had me talking for like a hour etc.

Plus I learnt my lesson, before when I first started NC, she msged me I was so giddy and happy and then she asked me how can you tell if a guy is interested in you. She broke up with me then school started and literally the first guy she started to talk to she gets butterflies and has the nerve to lell me after she broke my heart. That was the last stone thrown at me I took, and I initiated full NC. I changed my MSN pw to some crap I don't even remember so I won't get tempted to sign in again. I'm honestly thinking of cancelling my phone paying the 400 just so she can't call me.

[Fredj88]

Oh god damnit. 9 days of NC, feeling slightly better, and my girlfriend breaks it. She starts talking to me on msn out of nowhere. The funny part was it started out pretty casual like "How are you doing?" and I figured I should reply to this given the circumstances of our last chat I was pretty much a broken man, but given the amount of recovery I had gotten done over the last couple of days I thought i'd let her know that i'm doing very well without her and suddenly have a lot of time to pursue my own interests and stuff.

Mainly because I hated how broken down I was the last time we spoke and I hated how pathetic I had acted, I wanted to show her that she no longer had me to fall back on if the hit the fan for her.
So we're just talking casually and i'm being amazed at myself how little this actually bothers me, then out of the clear blue she asks me if I feel it's too early for her to be dating other guys. This nearly killed me. We broke up two weeks ago after dating for 5 years, just days before we broke up she said how she loved me and everything, then two weeks and she wants to date other guys?

Naturally I did the adult thing and said it's none of my business and that if she finds someone she likes it would be too stupid if she couldn't date them just because of me. I'm not sure if this was something she was just wondering about or if she was asking genuinly because she wanted to get out in the dating game, but it still hurt like a motherfu@£er. I think the part of it that hurts the most isn't that she wants to date other guys, really. I've accepted that she's not mine anymore and all that, but I refuse to believe that she found someone she could actually consider spending the rest of her life with so fast, and I'm thinking she's just looking for "random play". A big reason to why I loved this woman was because I didn't think she was this kind of girl.

On the bright side, if that's her style, then obviously part of the reason I loved her in the first place wasn't entirely justified. Part of me is feeling pretty broken down right now, and this couldn't have come at a worse time. I have this pretty big test in a few days that I really need to study for. My last test was of the week she broke up with me and it naturally went to hell because I couldn't think of anything else, now I suffered another major setback.

On the bright side however I think the idea of her actually telling me she wants to date other guys might make recovery a bit faster for me because in a way I suddenly did realize how over me she already is, and how futile any thought of us ever getting back together actually is. Next time she just starts talking to me on msn I think I might not even reply.

MAN, I could have wrote this. My ex dumped me, goes back to school the same day she meets this new guy and has butterflies for him, I felt the same way you did when she told me, how can you be so in love with me then dump me and literally the first guy you meet after you dump me you have th enerve to tell me we have the favorite color and all that crap


Girls eh

[Molecular]

I was hoping you guys were wrong but I think you may be right. My mind has started making scenarios. As previously what annoys me the most is the loss of respect for my girlfriend. A part of me is feeling like what we had for the last five years was all based on lies. I loved this woman because I thought this wasn't her thing, you know, to just randomly start seeing other men just 2 weeks after a 5 year relationship. A part of me is now frightened because I have this feeling that if she's not that kind of woman, then none of them exist. Albeit I'm sure they do, I just don't feel that now.

I just don't understand, you know. I'd love to just be able to understand. Looking back at all our best memories and the way we felt then, what we had on a mental level, all feels like lies and it's making me sick to my stomach. Right now I'm just hoping I'll see her with some other guy already so I can get over with it instead of hanging on to the slightles cling of hope that she's just trying to mess with my head and isn't really interested in moving on so fast, yet I'm sure she is.

As always trying to keep myself as busy as possible, which isn't really a problem. Nights and mornings are the worst. For the last couple of weeks I've been sleeping on my couch because it's so easy to just watch TV until I fall asleep. Thinking of going into my bedroom and sleeping there tonight, I guess I should just try to normalize everything as much as possible back to the way it was before. As long as I'm doing some things different in a negative manner it'll only keep reminding me why I'm doing it, which again will make me think of her, which just isn't healthy for me.

Waking up is still so hard, though. Generally the first 60 seconds after I start waking up I've forgotten all about everything and a part of me thinks about her like nothing's ever happened, and then I realize we're no longer together, and I can't help but wonder if she's just now waking up as well, only next to some random douchebag. Apart from nights and mornings however things are going pretty smooth. Just waiting for that last bump in the road where I get confirmation that she's with someone else, as it's pretty impossible for me not to find out when it happens, and once it does at least everything that can hurt has already happened.

[Dare81]

Just waiting for that last bump in the road where I get confirmation that she's with someone else, as it's pretty impossible for me not to find out when it happens, and once it does at least everything that can hurt has already happened.[/QUOTE]

Trust me on this.You are not going to feel any better if and when you find out that she is going out with someone else.

By waiting for the last bump on the road you are giving her control over your emotions.
NC gives you back that control.

I know its hard right now,but it wll get better.

Getting up and going to sleep are still the hardest things to do for me so I adjusted my routine.Maybe working out before you go to sleep and going for a jog I nthe morning might get your mind off things

Goodluck

[Dare81]

For some reason, lately I have been thinking about my ex a whole lot. I don't know if its because I broke NC about a week ago or its just a phase. It feels almost as bad as the first week.