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Keep at it Jumping... Most of us have heard things, or seen things, that make you believe that your ex isn't anything like he/she used to be. Its tough to deal with, but what usually helps me is looking back at myself and realizing I'm not the same either - Change yourself for the better... |
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 Originally Posted by jumpin0503
When you're learning something and your ex is screwing around, you have the opportunity more than your ex. I was told by my ex that I'm a failure and I'll depend on my parents forever cause they are professional doctors (both of my parents are doctors with 30+ years of experience). Guess what? I got a job to gain experience in working publicly. I am attending nursing class in which I will be state licensed nurse when I pass the exam. I will return to 4-year university and pursue my psychology degree; then apply for med school. |
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Originally Posted by hjpan
I've been wanting to call her today--odd, because the last 25 days I haven't really felt the urge to. Part of me still believes that given the circumstances of her new relationship, there's no way it'll work out and she'll eventually realize her mistake. But her coming back would probably put me in a worse situation than I'm in without her around. I could never trust her again. The only thing that's prevented me from cracking today is this site. Thanks guys--I'm staying strong. 25 days down--my next goal is getting through all of October. |
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Originally Posted by buymeanewlife
At least for me, the old saying: "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" actually turned out to be right. You've made it a long way so far, and I think you're right that your girlfriends relationship will end rather badly for her at some point or the other, but you really shouldn't be thinking about what you would do if she came back to you know. It pains me to say that no matter how happy the two of you were together, she's shown an insurmountable flaw in her personality that will stick with her for the rest of her life, and for the people who've experienced this flaw firsthand, she's never to be trusted. You've made it 25 days, this is very impressive, set yourself a few goals and make yourself realize that you're A LOT better than her and if that new guy wants to spend time with a cheater, that's his problem, not yours. Keep on trucking, man! |
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Day 2 for me.. since both the breakup & me doing NC :( I'm setting myself up bad here because we broke up a few months ago and on the 3rd day he called and wanted to meet up and we got back together. I have a pretty good feeling tomorrow I won't hear from him and it is going to suck even more than today did :( I keep hoping he'll come back to me.. all he said was that he needs some time on his own to figure out what he wanted (we were long distance).. I know that's a line, but he was crying when he said it at least.. |
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Originally Posted by buymeanewlife
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Originally Posted by Boristheblade
At the same time, I'm only interested in long term relationships and I want to make sure I find someone I really really like before I move on. Ugh, it all seems so impossible at times! |
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Just be careful that your not looking for a replacement or a rebound. They don't tend to end well and you'll end up back to square 1 when it falls apart... There is a certain amount of healing that needs to take place before you jump into another relationship... No doubt though, they can be a great distraction. |
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This is entirely unrelated, but I thought I would share - I went through a TERRIBLE breakup in high school with a guy I dated for a year cause I was an idiot. Anyway so THREE MONTHS of NC later he sent me an email out of nowhere apologizing and begging & pleading for me back and everything I had wanted to hear.. except of course I was so over it I never even responded. Instead, I printed out the email and framed it in my locker. Every day I would look at it and laugh. It was like my prize for doing NC and surviving :) inspiration people! You can do it. |
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Just posted this on one of my other questions... about a girl I had started to see... Anyway I though it might be good to update a few of you that have helped me out on my situation and look for any words of wisdom you have. Thanks guys. "uggghhh... Well unfortunately it didn't work out. Don't ask me why, because even her friends can't figure it out.... She was very excited about everything right from the first date. Her friends would come to me and tell me how interested and into me she was... literally 2 days after hearing about one of these talks from her friends she tell me out of no where (on msn of all places) that she just wants to be friends.... We went on 5 dates, over the span of about 2 and a half weeks... each going very very well. I guess I shouldn't beat myself up over it, its really not the end of the world and I know that. The only brutal side effect from all this is that I am now really missing my ex... And I hate it. Furthermore.... While I was somewhat dating this girl i got a call from my ex... I was feeling so good with breakup recovery that I didn't even recognize the number and picked up. Well she was very upset.... one of her guy "friends" had hit on this girl I was seeing and told him she was seeing somebody... He then asked who and she actually dropped my name... Well of course he noticed my name and ran to my ex with this information. My ex told me how much she misses me and how shes not seeing anyone and doesn't want me to either, and that she wants to get together when she is home for thanksgiving (in Canada its the weekend after next) and wants me to come visit her.... to maybe possibly reconcile. Well I told her I was going to continue going on with what I was doing much to her dismay. The next day I then started to get texts like crazy asking me not to date, and that we are going to see each other and talk and gave me xo's and called me by my pet name. I let it go and didn't hear from her the next two days (last weekend)... she was going to toronto with a large group of friends. Anyways long story short after the weekend I heard from her through texts about how much fun she had and I could tell that she was no longer as upset and excited to re-kindle things. Not that I want to but it made me very angry, it was obvious that she was being extremely selfish... and I can't believe she had the nerve to actually say to me "don't date anyone" after she wanted the breakup 5 months ago. The simple explanation is that she hasn't found someone else "happiness" and doesn't want me to before her. I kept my anger to myself on this and decided to ignore her. But i realized something... I am not over her even after 5 months (was a 4 year relationship however)... I couldn't believe the impact she still had on me when she contacted me... i felt very depressed (almost like the first month of the breakup) and also noticed a pattern. I would ask for no contact and get it for 3 week stretches, but as soon as she would get upset she would come crying to me to make her feel better and to reassure her confidence that I still have feelings for her. And then when she would get it she would back off when she felt better leaving me sad and lonely after I had been doing really good. Well I took some proactive measures, she was already deleted and blocked from facebook and msn... I have now blocked all of her email addresses from all mine and even changed my cell number this morning. I am starting to feel stupid that after 5 months I am now having to change my phone number, and am even kind of embarrassed by it... But now I really know that I won't hear from her again... There is relief and piece of mind in that... however I am left feeling very sad again. I know the feeling won't last that long this time, just sucks that after feeling so good for such a long I have hit a rut again.... Guess its part of the journey. I know that's a lot, just felt like venting it though.... Maybe something better suited for the NC Calender.... Oh well" |
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Originally Posted by NorthernNiceGuy
Outstanding :D! 5 months and my ex hasn't said a word. Found out she likes someone else and probably going out with the new guy already. I told myself "screw that hoe~ I'll study my @ss off for nursing course so I get State License Certification of Nursing and go back to university so I get my degree in psychology. Hopefully, move onto med school... finish up.. and start racking up big money." What most countries need now is doctors, nurses, or any sort of people in specialized medical field. |
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NNG... As you know I too am 5 months on from a 4 year breakup. I know exactly how your feeling when you talk about the feelings about her and how they can come up and still bother you. Don't feel stupid about it, its normal. Now I haven't dated anyone, so I don't have that same situation under my belt, and we haven't had contact since we broke up, but I have often thought about how I would react to seeing her or having to talk to her and at times I think I would be fine, and other times I think it would bug me like hell... Just hang in there, like you have for the last 5 months, and you'll be fine. Its normal... |
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I did it... the infamous drunk dial, broke no contact... but she never answered, I texted and called her last night. I was ridiculous last night I usually never get that drunk (I have a really high tolerance, I'm usually feeling fine after about 6-7 shots despite how small I am, about 140 pounds but a real heavy weight drinker for some reason, guess its my family genetics or something? Haha) but I didn't compensate for how little I've been eating as of late (started being able to eat again finally, but it's not full meals yet still). I'm at work now, I feel like an idiot for doing it, I even deleted her out of my phone entirely last night (I knew what I did was stupid but I was too drunk to care if what I was doing was stupid) and I don't have her number memorized so there's literally 0 ways for me to contact her now. I miss talking with her as a friend, but I know this is what I have to do. I'm hoping she doesn't respond this morning, she might, but she never responded to the text messages either throughout the night so maybe she won't, it seems she really hates me now like I thought if she doesn't respond, even after feeding me all this crap of wanting to be best friends still. I wish I didn't delete her number last night, just to leave another message to NOT respond to me, but I literally have no way to contact her now, do you think I should ask a friend for her number just to text her real fast and tell her to NOT answer those messages and we'll talk whenever we do? (Read the whole post before responding to this, you'll see why I feel I should do this because we have the same group of friends, will see each other a lot pretty often, etc, believe me this isn't a thing to get my own hopes up on trying to get back with her, you'll see I just want to be friends later on because we have the same friends and I know it's too soon for that still though). She stopped by last night to visit my friend/old roommate that left the school Brian but I wasn't there, but since I was drunk (normally when I drink I'm not that bad, but because I didn't compensate for not eating much I became much more intoxicated than usual, thus why I did what I did, even when I'm drunk with friends I can usually control myself, even in this sort of situation I've already done it multiple times so far) I got really emotional that she came during a time I didn't get to see or talk to her since I was letting a few friends in at our dorms front desk. I remember texting her telling her I was pissed off that she would just leave one of her own best friends hanging, he comes up to visit once a month at most, maybe every 2 months, he helps her through the break up when I originally broke up with her, he comes up to visit and she completely leaves him out to dry. This isn't even about me anymore, it's about my friends, even he was pretty pissed that she wouldn't even give him more than a few minutes to say hi after all he did for her. Maybe this is for the better? I don't know... I feel insanely stupid for doing what I did... if she does call back I know I need to respond and apologize for the drunk dials and angry texts and make sure we are both on the same page, so we have the possibility of being friends in the future. Then go back to NC because I don't want to cut off all ties of ever being friends because we likely will be friends in the future, I just know it's too soon for that, not yet. We both know if we don't talk forever it will be awkward having the same group of friends even if she ditched our "group" for the most part at this point, and it's going to be ridiculously awkward having the same group of friends once she comes back to our group eventually, whenever that is, maybe a few months maybe next year, it's something I have to do even though I wish I could not to answer and just let it pass because I know it would likely be better if I didn't talk to her, if I didn't have to see her in the future as well I would do that, I would continue the NC completely, but this isn't a normal situation... Anyway, I know she'll end up crawling back to our group once their group falls apart, it's bound to honestly if you ask me, they have a group of "friends" that are in 3 relationships with each other, as soon as one relationship falls apart they are all affected and all won't be able to hang out with their only "friends" anymore. Its extremely likely to happen at some point, I just don't know when, but I really don't care. Do you guys feel the same way, that a group of friends that are ALL in relationships with each other are bound to have problems later on if one relationship falls apart, or is that just me? I need other peoples opinions on this. I'm troubled, because if I don't answer her if she does happen to respond I'm likely cutting off any chances of being friends in the future too, so I want to and I know now obviously that I'm sober I can tell her exactly how I feel and tell her essentially exactly what I wrote here, I just don't know, I'm conflicted because of how stupid I feel still for doing it. I've accepted the fact that I won't have her back, like seriously accepted, I'm working on moving on with my life still despite all that I've said, I know my reality and I know I'll be better for this in the end. I still feel idiotic for doing what I did though... I realize now in the morning what I did was stupid, I just don't know what to do from here. I guess I need to continue moving on and take it as a learning experience? I guess maybe I know that at least I can accept being friends with her in the future just not yet, I guess I need to look at it in that perspective. I can't let myself get down over this for long, I know my life needs to move on... am I really getting there guys honestly? I hope I'm moving on I hope I'm showing signs of wanting to move on/am moving on... Sorry for the essay guys, I know I could have condensed this a lot but this is the first place I get to talk about what I'm feeling because I work at 6:30 in the morning on fridays and obviously none of my friends would be awake when I get up for work at 6 am ever, especially after a night of drinking, so this is the first place I've gotten to talk about how I feel. |
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Jumping... I'm glad you got all that off your chest - hope you feel better now. You deleted her number so you can't contact her - that's a good first step. Now, about trying to contact to her through friends or any of that crap just to let her know that you were drunk/not to respond/etc... Forget it. That's just your mind looking for an alternative way to contact her since you removed the only contact method you had... People make mistakes, accept what happened and forgive yourself for it - then move on with NC... |
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Originally Posted by Boristheblade
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