[Sweet_Guy23]

Why are woman like that? She was young too. And how can I keep things a mystery in a relationship.

[wikedjuggalo]

Why are woman like that? She was young too. And how can I keep things a mystery in a relationship.

Stop right there! I do not disagree with Matteus but honestly the only person who knows will be her and then she may not even know. Dwelling on this kind of stuff will only tear you apart and prolong healing. You will find the one who you do not have to change or act differently towards.

Take it from someone who was put on a break, stop wondering why and lift your head and move forward.

[Sweet_Guy23]

Stop right there! I do not disagree with Matteus but honestly the only person who knows will be her and then she may not even know. Dwelling on this kind of stuff will only tear you apart and prolong healing. You will find the one who you do not have to change or act differently towards.

Take it from someone who was put on a break, stop wondering why and lift your head and move forward.

So I shouldn't really have to act differently or change with a girl. Because with her I didn't change, I was only being myself, but SHE changed on me. She wasn't the same girl I met at first. But I am a sweet and nice, outgoing guy. Could that be a problem. I'm nice?

[wikedjuggalo]

So I shouldn't really have to act differently or change with a girl. Because with her I didn't change, I was only being myself, but SHE changed on me. She wasn't the same girl I met at first. But I am a sweet and nice, outgoing guy. Could that be a problem. I'm nice?

It does not seem to me that you were wrong at all. You have to stop beating yourself up. Understand people change. Feelings change and there may never be a true reason. You can try to find out but know this. Find someone who will not want you to change and want you for who you are. (referring to matt's post)

Hell I was the sweet nice outgoing guy and everyone told me I was too nice to her. But its just my nature, how I feel someone I love should be treated. Everyone told me how they envied what I did for her and how they wish just once their BF would act like that. It was a hard pill to swallow but people and feeling change. Do not go around changing who you.

[talaniman]

Stop beating yourself up, she is the one missing out on A GREAT GUY!

You just have to forget about her and regroup and be ready for the next female you choose who may be completely different and more compatible.

The glitch, it takes time, and work, to figure out if she is the one, but until then, you enjoy the process of finding out.

That's when knowing yourself and loving yourself and being able to cope with your own feelings comes in. Then you can recognize what you want when you see it, and reject the ones you don't.

[Matteus]

So I shouldn't really have to act differently or change with a girl. Because with her I didn't change, I was only being myself, but SHE changed on me. She wasn't the same girl I met at first. But I am a sweet and nice, outgoing guy. Could that be a problem. I'm nice?

We have not so much information about you, but it could be. Mostly it happens to the nice guys. Or as I like to say: to the sheeps. And the sheeps need some kind of toss to become wolfs.

[Matteus]

It does not seem to me that you were wrong at all. You have to stop beating yourself up. Understand people change. Feelings change and there may never be a true reason. You can try to find out but know this. Find someone who will not want you to change and want you for who you are. (referring to matt's post)

Hell I was the sweet nice outgoing guy and everyone told me I was too nice to her. But its just my nature, how I feel someone I love should be treated. Everyone told me how they envied what I did for her and how they wish just once their BF would act like that. It was a hard pill to swallow but people and feeling change. Do not go around changing who you.

Sometimes we need to change as well. Who can say that those habits, that behaviour we have built during our life, is OK? The facts are that mostly nice and too nice people do have such problems with their relations. Common man, its killing to have someone there all the time, to have a bf/gf who treats you like their son/daughter, who always tell you what you should do and what not, who do not have their own life, put their life around you. Relationship becomes stale, with nice people. No challenge! I don't know how to call it, but for me it has nothing to do with love. Its more like those nice people are needy and want to be loved! Its frustrating.

[wikedjuggalo]

For some that is true. As my own personal experience I feel I did not smother her like that :). I never told her what she could and could not do. Some people do want a challenge but I know personally I do not want to have to constantly fight for someone's love. But these are my opinions.:D

Its all about what you want. I know I do not want to be told who I can talk to and who I can not. It was not like that in my case. Then again some people like being told what to do :).

Basically what I am getting at is some people may like having attention etc all the time while other might not.

But I agree if that is the case of controlling someone's life then that is unacceptable.

I seem to be ranting so I'll stop here, kind of losing my thought.

Logically thinking, no behavior is acceptable to all.

[Sweet_Guy23]

In my case I wasn't needy or smothered her at all. But you are right I don't want to have to constantly fight for someone's love. Its OK to play hard to get a little sometimes but when someone has my heart they shouldn't have to constantly fight for it. Now me I loved my ex and when we were together I was a fun loving, playful boyfriend, but then there was times when I wanted to show her my love by surprising her with something or doing something sweet. I believe in treating my woman good, catering to her sometimes. But I never tried to control her time or anything like that. I still had my life too. You know?? But she did become part of that. That's why Im having a hard time getting back use to the way things were before I met her. But I treated her the best way I could.

[talaniman]

You'll be okay, she just wasn't the one, but you didn't know that.

The real test is not having the female, but coping with yourself, when you don't.

[Sweet_Guy23]

You know honestly, I keep trying not to beat myself up about it so much, but I can't help it. For some reason sometimes I think that it was my fault that the relationship went in the direction it did. I keep overlooking everything that she did. Why is that??

[talaniman]

You will get there, and boy will you be pizzed.

[MC12545]

Don't worry dude. Go NC. I was I'm on a similar situation no long ago. I was with my ex for 3 years. This year has been horrible for me. She tried to get back with me once but after a month she said she doesn't feel the same. Then we ran into each other she told me she still loved me and made me believe that I was the best thing in the world and another month later she broke it off for the same reason. Just go no contact. As for me I will never try getting back with her. It just makes me sick to my stomatch that she lead me on like that. Not cool.. Hang in there you will be fine.

[ntbntb78]

Just wiat

[Sweet_Guy23]

Dont worry dude. go NC. I was im on a simular situation no long ago. i was with my ex for 3 years. this year has been horrible for me. she tried to get back with me once but after a month she said she doesnt feel the same. Then we ran into each other she told me she still loved me and made me beleive that i was the best thing in the world and another month later she borke it off for the same reason. Just go no contact. as for me i will never try getting back with her. It just makes me sick to my stomatch that she lead me on like that. Not cool.. Hang in there you will be fine.

I have been going NO CONTACT. And it does get hard sometimes, but she is not hitting me up at all so that keeps me from contacting her. She probably just moved on. But she has never said straight up that she doesn't want to be me anymore, or she doesn't want anything to do with me. She has never said that straight up. But maybe I'm thinking way too much into it.

[hard_times]

Mate I'm going through and almost IDENTICAL situation, I'm 20, my first love in every sense of the meaning, 1.5 years with, broke it off with me about a month ago, and it killed me, I'm here looking for advice myself, all I can say is you sound like a rele decent guy, I treated my ex as great as I could, and that's all you can do. My ex turned 18, and rather than take that as an opputinity to explore different things in our relationship, she used it as a time to go solo and enjoy the single life, their needs change man, irraspective of your own, one thing I will never get... our last date was one of the best we ever had... no contact mate, and don't think about what she's doing, my advice.
My hardest challenge is getting the confidence to be with another girl.. hard times.

[rage1605]

Hey man, I will tell you from what I have learned.

I dated my ex for 7 1/2 years (we started dating when I was 19 years old, I am now 27). I loved (and still love) this girl with all my heart. It has been 4 1/2 months since she broke up with me in all most the same way your girl broke up with you.

I bought engagement rings two weeks before she dumped me so you can imagine how serious this relationship was (at least to me).

Some of it is my own fault, I didn't pick up on the signals, she cut the physical part of our relationship out, she was "busy" all the time at Grad school and she was showing little interest in me. Being the trusting boyfriend that I am, I really believed she was busy when she told me she was busy. I loved her with all my being, I had no reason to doubt what she was saying.

She actually broke up over the phone with me, after 7 1/2 years... that is brutal. She gave me the excuse that "she fell out of love with me" but I also got 30 other reasons as well. I asked her if she could break up with me face to face and I was willing to drive 2 hours to her grad school TO BE DUMPED BY HER. However, she said she had a marathon to run and she wouldn't be home...

You have to realize something and I will be called sexist for this but the truth is the truth. Women do NOT use logic when it comes to their emotions, it's sad (and puzzling) for us guys.

They start to feel a certain way and they act on it, as guys, we feel a certain way and use logic to sort through it.

You cannot know why she dumped you (just like I don't know why my ex dumped me) because I truly believe they (our ex-girlfriends) don't know why they dumped us...

They just had a feeling of love loss for whatever reason and they ended it... I tried to use logic because if I was in a 7 1/2 year relationship and I was "falling out of love" with someone I would tell them to see if we could work it out... women just act on their emotions at that time and dump you.

I am not saying this is always the case, some women had someone else waiting on the side or they want to date around. For the most part (for the honest girls) I really do believe they don't know why they do certain things.

But in order for me to heal (I am still healing) you need to go NO CONTACT

I am not going to lie to you bro, it hurts more then getting shot, I swear to you sometimes I think having your heart broken and not knowing why should be used to torture terrorists because it hurts (and boggles the mind) more then anything.

You HAVE to delete her email/IM/Facebook/Phone Numbers/myspace accounts. And you will NEED to stop talking to her period.

Listen from my experience, you will just keep looking to see if she is dating someone, if she mentions you, etc. If you keep talking to her or emailing her, she will move on (and you will push her further away) and you won't.

You will cling to the hope of getting back together (if you keep talking to her) and she will be moving on dating other people... not healthy.

Even the sweet well intention girl might string you on, it's human nature. Keep you as a backup "just in case" things do not work out.

I forgot the comedian who said this but it's basically "a behind glass (like a fire alarm), break in case of an emergency."

Trust me, I dated my ex for 7 1/2 years with plans to ask her to marry me in a year (she felt the same way a few months before she starting acting weird).

I am not saying it's easy what your going through but I grew up with this girl, I shared everything with her for that long period... if I can do it, you can do it.

Plus, this is the only way you know for sure that she does indeed love you and wants to be with you. If she comes back there will be no doubt, if you try to convince her or stay in touch and she does come back (which usually NEVER happens), there will be doubts in her mind (and yours) if this will happen again or if she will feel that way again.

Let it go, go through the pain and embrace it until you are over it.

One last suggestion: I am going to Cancun for spring break this March with a bunch of friends, I suggest you do the same. Not just for a quick fling but to hang out with your guy friends, drink out of control and look at (and try to flirt) with beautiful women.

Just my 2c

[rage1605]

BTW, they took out the word in the quote I stated above:

"a <male member organ> behind glass (like a fire alarm), break in case of an emergency."

[awefn91565]

Sweet Guy, the same thing happened to me, we even dated for the same amount of time as you and she told me the same things. Ive posted on here a lot to looking for answers. The best advice I can give you is to completely avoid contact from her. Its best in the long run. You don't want her to play games with your head whether she intends it or not. I know it hurts because its been 2 months for me and I still love her... but it gets better because you have your friends and all these great stangers that care enough to help out. Good luck with everything because I know how hard it is