Ask Me Help Desk - My Ex-Girlfriend says she need space and time

My name is Kevin. I've been dating this girl for sumtime now. At first everything was really good. We fell in love with each other. We were just enjoying each other. Well after a while I started to notice that she was really being distant with me. But every time I asked her was there anything wrong she would always say "I'm ok, everythings fine." But her actions always said different. Well I stopped asking for a while. She stopped being so affectionite with me, stop saying I love you, stop sending me sweet text messages, stop calling as much. The changes really didn't start until she went off to college which was only 35min from me. So one night it was in my heart very heavily to ask her "whats goin on?". And she replied that she wasn't as excited about our relationship as she was in the beginning. So I asked her why and she said she doesn't know and she said that she has been feeling like this for sometime now, which really hurt my heart because every time I asked her what's everything OK she said yes, she was basically LYING to me and not only that I had got her nails and feet done and got some things on her car taken care of and this whole time she was feeling indifferent about the relationship. I was HURTING BAD and STILL IS. Well I suggested that I give her some time to sort out her feelings. Well because I was so hurt, I would asked question here and there about what happen to try and understand why she was feeling that way and still getting that same response "I don't know." So a couple of days go by and I guess she feels pressured and she tells me that she wants to break up. So I accept it. Well later that day she calls me back saying that breaking with me was something that she didn't want to do. So we give it another try. So a period of two weeks go by with me not noticing any change at all with her behavior, when I did call or text her, I felt like I was bothering her, and I had that vibe that she really don't care to be hearing from me. She was acting so uninterested about anything dealing with us. So I go two days without textin or calling her at all just to give her a little space. So here's come Monday night, I give her a call and I get that same bad vibe that she really don't care about us. So I got tired of that and decided to break up with her. A couple of days after I regreted breaking up with her and we talked and she was saying a lot about how I didn't give her enough space, and that she wanted to be cool and that she don't think she wants to be with me. And that why should we try again. And that she needs space to give her a chance to miss me. Now I broke up with her because I get fed up with all the weird body language and the bad intuition I was feeling. Now I feel terrible because I think its my fault that the relationship went down. I TREATED HER THAT BEST WAY I COULD I GAVE HER ROSES, WE HAD PINICS, WE WENT DANCING, WENT STAR GAZING, EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT! I Don't UNDERSTAND WHY SHE CHANGED ON ME!! But she the one that changed not me. And she the one that wasn't honest with me about her feelings when she started to feel indifferent. HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SOOO IN LOVE THAN CHANGED SO QUICKLY?? I NEED HELP!! IS IT TOO LATE FOR ME!!

How long have you been together and the break up?

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

My name is Kevin. I've been dating this girl for sumtime now. At first everything was really good. We fell in love with eachother. We were just enjoying eachother. Well after a while I started to notice that she was really being distant with me. But everytime I asked her was there anything wrong she would always say "I'm ok, everythings fine." But her actions always said different. Well I stoped asking for a while. She stoped being so affectionite with me, stop saying I love you, stop sending me sweet text messages, stop calling as much. The changes really didn't start til she went off to college which was only 35min from me. So one night it was in my heart very heavily to ask her "whats goin on?". And she replied that she wasn't as excited about our relationship as she was in the beginning. So I asked her why and she said she doesn't know and she said that she has been feeling like this for sometime now, which really hurt my heart bc everytime I asked her whats everything ok she said yes, she was basically LYING to me and not only that I had got her nails and feet done and got some things on her car taken care of and this whole time she was feeling indifferent about the relationship. I was HURTING BAD and STILL IS. Well I suggested that I give her some time to sort out her feelings. Well bc I was so hurt, I would asked question here and there about what happen to try and understand why she was feeling that way and still getting that same response "I don't know." So a couple of days go by and I guess she feels pressured and she tells me that she wants to break up. So I accept it. Well later that day she calls me back saying that breaking with me was something that she didn't want to do. So we give it another try. So a period of two weeks go by with me not noticing any change at all with her behavior, when I did call or text her, I felt like I was bothering her, and I had that vibe that she really dont care to be hearing from me. She was acting so uninterested about anything dealing with us. So I go two days without textin or calling her at all just to give her a little space. So heres come Monday night, I give her a call and I get that same bad vibe that she really dont care about us. So I got tired of that and decided to break up with her. A couple of days after I regreted breaking up with her and we talked and she was saying alot about how I didnt give her enough space, and that she wanted to be cool and that she don't think she wants to be with me. And that why should we try again. And that she needs space to give her a chance to miss me. Now I broke up with her bc I get fed up with all the weird body language and the bad intuition I was feeling. Now I feel terrible bc I think its my fault that the relationship went down. I TREATED HER THAT BEST WAY I COULD I GAVE HER ROSES, WE HAD PINICS, WE WENT DANCING, WENT STAR GAZING, EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT! I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY SHE CHANGED ON ME!!! But she the one that changed not me. And she the one that wasn't honest with me about her feelings when she started to feel indifferent. HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SOOO IN LOVE THAN CHANGED SO QUICKLY??? I NEED HELP!!! IS IT TOO LATE FOR ME!!!

You should read my story. I feel for you I truly do. The best thing you can do, I know this sucks but go No Contact. Do not go beating yourself up. You can not force someone to have feelings for you. The No contact is not to win her back but to start to get your life back. It truly hurts, I know from personal experience, how it feels to think someone loves you and come to find out their feelings weren't what you thought. I know exactly how you feel man, all I tell you is time and go no contact. If she has a change of heart she will contact you but do not give yourself false hope and wait for her.

So I need to go No Contact? No call, texts, myspace message. Should I completely moved on or do you think she will come back around?

We were together for 7months we only been broken up for a week now. So do I need to go No Contact? No call, texts, myspace messages, email? Should I completely moved on or do you think she will come back around?

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

We was together for 7months we only been broken up for a week now. So do I need to go No Contact? No call, texts, myspace messages, email? Should I completely moved on or do you think she will come back around?

Yes go no contact. Give her space and time but don't stop your life for her. Do not sit around and do nothing take it as a time as free. Get up and distract your mind. Good luck man, I wish you the best :)

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

No Contact...ok! I will continue to do that even doe its hard right now. You know its sucks when you meet someone that you think is that person that you can have a long relationship with then your hopes are all stepped on. But did I mention this. On her facebook profile her status says "I have high hopes in someone" Then a couple days after that it said "He didnt mean me. Had my hopes up for nothing or didnt I, or maybe something soon to be". Seems to me she had someone else in mind, as if she was liking other people even when we was together she told me that the reason why she was feeling distant wasn't bc she met someone else. It is as if something doesn't sound right. You know? And she wasn't talking about me in that status!

O man do yourself another big favor, Do not sit on Face book or anything wondering what is going on in her head. You will only drive yourself insane. Trust me. Sounds like she might have found someone else. Happened to me man. Trust me I feel your pain but do yourself a big favor, Go No contact which might even include deleting her Facebook so You Do not go insane trying to figure her out. Anytime you feel the need to talk to her post here vent here just don't contact her because doing so will only push further. If she realizes she made a mistake she will contact you. But do not wait for you could end up waiting forever.

The other posters have given you some great suggestions, and just know sometimes the other person doesn't feel as you do, and no matter how well you treat them, you'll never get them to feel the way you wanted. It happens all the time with people, and its no ones fault, you just don't click.

No Contact is the way to heal, and move on, and staying off her Facebook, or talking to her friends, is also a great way to get her out of your system. Read the stickies in this forum, and get some insight as to how to cope with a relationship that doesn't work, for whatever reason. There is a link in my signature. Pay special attention to "The No Contact Calender" as you can see how others in your situation are coping with their loss.

So do you think that no matter what I would have done, the relationship would have still went the way that it did?? I just hate getting attached to someone and their family and then its all over. Her family welcomed me in and everything. And its like now its over and done with. Im so confused because I still don't really know the reason why she switched on me. You know??

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

So do you think that no matter what I would have done, the relationship would of still went the way that it did??? I just hate getting attached to someone and their family and then its all over. Her family welcomed me in and everything. And its like now its over and done with. Im so confused because I still dont really know the reason why she switched on me. You know???

You may never know. Do not kill yourself trying to figure out why. Doing so will only lead you to more pain and hurt. You did not (as far as I see) do anything to aid in the demise of the relationship. Honestly I have come to see sometimes people just change. The human mind will always be an unknown to us. You can either accept that or go insane trying to figure out her head. Sorry man it happens.

This is for sweet_Guy23 what I'm about to say might sound harsh but it comes from experience. I was acually dating someone for a year and I notice the same differences you did. The change of body language, needing space etc. One day a friend of mine told me that during my quote on quote space time she was talking to someone else. I'm not assuming that's what your girlfriend has done but, the sudden change is either four things. 1. She enjoys being single. 2. Exboyfriend back in the picture 3. Has a new FRIEND 4. Or she was truly not feeling the relationship emotionally. Sweet_Guy I understand you were in love at one point but we all go through this. Just move on and if she comes to her senses one day just tell your there is a new girl in town, you're a day late and a dollar short "We can still be friends." lol

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23
So do you think that no matter what I would have done, the relationship would of still went the way that it did???

Probably!

I got a serious question here, when me and her was together she used to tell me that she loved me all the time. She was so happy to fall in love with someone she knew was for her. That night that I finally got her to open up that something was wrong, I asked her if she loved me and she didn't answer at all! Weird silence! What does that tell me?? I need yalls point on view on this! Thanks

You will probably never know the feeling of changing your mind about your feelings, until you go through it yourself.

I think a lot of us, hear what we want to though, and miss what we don't want to hear, as I have always believed if your paying close attention you will notice things, but not know what it is, or what it means.

Sadly our partners start the break up, long before they let us in on it.

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

I TREATED HER THAT BEST WAY I COULD I GAVE HER ROSES, WE HAD PINICS, WE WENT DANCING, WENT STAR GAZING, EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT! I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY SHE CHANGED ON ME!!! But she the one that changed not me. And she the one that wasn't honest with me about her feelings when she started to feel indifferent. HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SOOO IN LOVE THAN CHANGED SO QUICKLY??? I NEED HELP!!! IS IT TOO LATE FOR ME!!!

I know that some of people in here, mostly girls will disagree with me, but in the end, they know they want challenge! Im sorry to say that, but it was your fault. You were not a challenge anymore and you admit it. You gave her everything. What to us guys may seem logical, like giving gifts, and being there every moment for her, to the girls in the contrary, its like awaiting for approval. In the beginning they kind of like it, but deep down they hate it! What's more important here is that it seems like you understood, although a little too late. Now, is there someone else or not, that's another story. But you should not be thinking about that! Now, stop doing anything you might have been doing till now, like calling, sms, or whatever! When the time comes, if it even comes, that she calls you, play it cool, and pal, play the damn game of "hard to get". It's the best way to get someone's "attention"!

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

And she the one that wasn't honest with me about her feelings when she started to feel indifferent

They never tell! So don't blame her for that!

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

I got a serious question here, when me and her was together she used to tell me that she loved me all the time. She was so happy to fall in love with someone she knew was for her. That night that I finally got her to open up that something was wrong, I asked her if she loved me and she didn't answer at all! Weird silence! What does that tell me??? I need yalls point on view on this! Thanks

Why did you asked? Expecting for a NO? Or just a provocation? If they don't love you, they would just leave. Don't make those kind of questions next time! Do not wait for approval! It shows only weakness.

I pretty much just asked "Do you still love me?" just to see what was she going to say basically. So do you think I shouldn't have asked that question? So she got bored? What was the silence when I asked her that??

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

I pretty much just asked "Do you still love me?" just to see what was she goin to say basically. So do you think I shouldn't have asked that question? So she got bored? What was the silence when I asked her that???

That was only one of those questions that shouldn't be asked! Logically, its pointless, because you can't know her real answer through her words, but her actions. In the moment you do feel like your girlfriend, through her actions, doesn't show you love, affection, etc, its time to back off. Not time to leave, but to be more invisible, more indifferent, more different! If still the things do not change, than its time to move on!

So maybe I should have never broke up with her then huh? I got frustrated and broke up with her because before that we broke up once and up to that time I didn't notice any change... but maybe I didn't give it enough time. I gave it two weeks didn't notice any change.

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

So maybe I should of never broke up with her then huh? I got frustrated and broke up with her bc before that we broke up once and up to that time I didnt notice any change...but maybe I didn't give it enough time. I gave it two weeks didn't notice any change.

No, in this case you have saved yourself the pain of being dumped. Cause as I see, the girl just lost any interest in you, and being dumped from her was to be expected. It was not about the time you gave or you didn't gave her. You were just too avaiable, not so mysterious, not a challenge.