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menoshoes · Sep 15, 2008, 09:11 PM

I think that you need to look at your current situation. If you have a piece of crap car- get a newer one- nothing red or pink. If you wear glasses get new ones and look around. If you have a few extra pounds- loose some weight. It is all about appearance at first and then people want to get to know you. I hate to say it like that. If every thing you do stays the same nothing will change- you have to make the change. Im a very quiet person but I went to a few places and experieced new things and now I am w/ someone that I really like.

jrsg · Sep 15, 2008, 09:14 PM

Originally Posted by BigJG

It might take a long time for any of this to take place. I have other problems that I haven't talked about. If I don't get over those none of this will ever happen.

Well, take your time then.
Its better later than never, right?

You could always talk to us about those other problems.

I realize I have been a little forceful with my advice, and I'm sorry for that. Advice is just that, advice. Not direction, or order, and I think I forgot that in the last few posts. But we are all here to help. Any problems AT ALL you want to address, go ahead.

I realize this isn't something you can just change overnight. But try to change a little but if you are unhappy with your current self. A common metaphor for this: Baby Steps. :)

Either way, keep us informed on your situation, and the community can help you!

jrsg · Sep 15, 2008, 09:17 PM

Originally Posted by menoshoes

I think that you need to look at your current situation. If you have a piece of crap car- get a newer one- nothing red or pink. If you wear glasses get new ones and look around. If you have a few extra pounds- loose some weight. It is all about apperance at first and then people want to get to know you. I hate to say it like that. If every thing you do stays the same nothing will change- you have to make the change. Im a very quiet person but I went to a few places and experieced new things and now i am w/ someone that I really like.

As much as I hate to say it, it is true. Appearance is the first impression anyone gets of you. I have had a few problems lately with that, choosing my dates by appearance, and feeling like crap for it. Sadly, appearance is a big part of this.

jjwoodhull · Sep 16, 2008, 06:03 AM

Originally Posted by BigJG

To be completely honest with you, that paper would probably be blank. I have put myself in social situations before, but it never works out. I end up leaving and spending time alone where I feel more comfortable. Everything you've said makes sense, but I don't know if I can do it. The only time I would ever talk to strangers would be if I were drinking. I've since stopped drinking because I think my health is more important.

It sounds like you have social anxiety disorder, which could easily be overcome with some counseling.

BigJG · Sep 16, 2008, 02:49 PM

I just got home from work. Thanks to all who responded while I was away.

pikachufannumber1 · Sep 16, 2008, 04:13 PM

Ok, first off, don't dog on yourself. You called yourself fat and a nerd. Don't do that and don't stereotype yourself!Be confident. Instead of saying you are the "fat nerd" type, say you are the "one of a kind fluffy smart guy" type!! Much more appealing to women and it will definitely boost yourself confdence!!

I've been depressed and antisocial and know from experience that if you don't go out there and show off your true colors, no one will ever notice you. Trust me on this, if you just go out to a club or some other social gathering maybe once a wekk during your relaxation time, get to know people, and make some friends then you will have a girlfriend in no time. All you have to do is go up and ask confidently. It worked for me.

Hope it helps. And if not, then you get boosted self confidence and new friends. What's there to lose?

pikachufannumber1 · Sep 17, 2008, 02:49 PM

If you don't take the chance you will be single forever. End of story.

I may sound like a when I say that, but it's true and time someone told you.

I really don't mean to be so blunt and everything, but if you don't take a chance then you won't ever get the reward and you will always be wondering. Like I said, there's nothing to lose, only gains. If you get rejected then just froget about it and move on. Sure it will hurt initially (trust me, I KNOW how rejection feels), but if you move on and keep trying you will find someone who likes you too. I did. If I didn't ask out my best friend (whom I have liked for 3 YEARS) then I never would have gotten a date to Homecoming and never been super happy (for I was uber depressed and that drastically boosted my mood) and never remembered what being happy felt like! Just take the chance!!

BigJG · Sep 17, 2008, 03:40 PM

As much as I've been griping about this whole thing, maybe I was meant to be single. For all I know I could be lousy when it comes to being with someone. There are things I still want to do and it would be difficult to do those things if I were tied down. And I'm used to being single. Changing that may make things worse for all I know. I guess I was just curious if the women out there went for the nerdy types and I guess some do.

pikachufannumber1 · Sep 17, 2008, 03:47 PM

Maybe you are, maybe you aren't, but why admit defeat? You haven't ever tried and just because you have a girlfriend doesn't mean you are tied down! You can't make assumptions about things you haven't even tried! If you want to stay single then you can, but if you want a girlfriend, or even just some great new friends, go to a social gathering of some sort and hang out and get to know people.

jrsg · Sep 17, 2008, 04:06 PM

Originally Posted by pikachufannumber1

If you don't take the chance you will be single forever. End of story.

EXACTLY!!
If you don't try, what do you expect?

Let me go through a few cliché phrases:

-The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward
-Its better to shoot and miss, than to not shoot at all
-You learn more from your failures than your successes

Now,
Everybody gets rejected. I have been rejected countless times. It is just a part of life. But, when you get rejected, you must learn from it. Apply what you learn in the next situation.

If you don't ask anybody out, or talk to anybody, how do you expect to get a girlfriend?

And don't say that you don't want to date. Of course you do, or else you wouldn't have posted. Don't get scared and run away and hide.
You sound depressed, and really unhappy with yourself. Then you say that having a girlfriend could hurt things even more. Do you really, honestly believe that? You haven't had the expirience, so why would assume these things. And why would 99% of the human population date if it was really so awful? ITS GREAT! You will like it! And you know you will. So don't deny the fact that you want a girlfriend.
And what do you have to do that a girlfriend would stop you from doing? Are you really that busy? Would a girlfriend really tie you down that much?

I want to know...
Do you really not want a girlfriend?
Did you really only want to know IF girls like nerds?

Answer those HONESTLY so that we can help you. There is NO reason to lie here, we are all here to help.

pikachufannumber1 · Sep 17, 2008, 06:15 PM

Exactly what Jrsg said.

BigJG · Sep 17, 2008, 06:42 PM

Originally Posted by jrsg

I want to know...
Do you really not want a girlfriend?
Did you really only want to know IF girls like nerds?

I think at this point it's more of a curiosity since I've never been in the situation. And yes, I did want to know if girls like nerds, because I am one ;)

jrsg · Sep 17, 2008, 07:04 PM

So you don't want a girlfriend then?

I guess we have answered your questions then.
Conclusion: Some women like nerds. There you go.

_____________________________

If you want to know what I believe, read on... If not, don't.
_____________________________

I think you really do want a girlfriend. You just aren't willing to put in the work. OR you are too afraid, and won't face your fears of being in social situations. If you never put yourself in those social situations you fear so much, you will never learn. Maybe you don't realize you are doing this, but I honestly believe you are.

You were open to the idea of changing and becoming a more social being in the beginning of this thread. You probably thought we were going to give you some magical tip to fix your life. Then, once people starting giving you advice, and things to work on, you realized this was going to take a lot of work. You shut down and gave up. You decided you will never get over your fear. You decided that you are the way you are because it is "meant to be." "Meant to be" is just an excuse. You are that way because you choose to be that way.

So, if you aren't willing to put in the work, I am going to respectfully leave now.

I sincerely hope you ask for what you really want in life, and that you takes the steps you need to reach it. This forum is the perfect place to ask a question like that. Until then, I'm out.

pikachufannumber1 · Sep 17, 2008, 07:07 PM

I agree with Jrsg.

BigJG · Sep 17, 2008, 07:13 PM

You've been a lot of help along with everyone else. I'll keep you updated if anything happens. I am confident in myself in some ways but I obviously lack in other ways.

pinkcelly123 · Sep 17, 2008, 07:23 PM

i'm hot.. and i love nerds /geeks.. "your just looking for love in all the wrong places

astromechtech · Nov 24, 2008, 02:20 PM

I've read the posts and it's almost completely unbearable for me. Why is Nerd such a nasty slur? I identify with nerd and I am proud of it. Why is being a social misfit akin to having leprosy?

The question you should be asking is do you want to join a conformist society. The answer is that we live in a society of conformist sheep. People who are afraid to think for themselves and are afraid of those of us who do. I am so individualistic and independent minded that I have been socially rejected by other nerds. Rejected for not following the latest fads in the geek community (yes they really do conform to each other and have trends/fads etc.)

Do you really want to be a sheeple (sheep + people)?

As for women, I am in the same boat as you are, and I'm 34 so don't feel too bad. Women are socially conditioned to love conformity and loathe individuality. Plain and simple, this is why women have been traditionally the guardians and stalwarts of social norms and mores. This is why fashion and trend publications are marketed almost exclusively towards women.

This is also why you will probably never find a cool nerd female, (at least not one who isn't already spoken for or that your friends won't fight you over. Or that her friends won't try to keep you from dating or associating with.)

Society has a mob mentality, and breeds conformity. If you were one of the sheeple, you would already have a wife, kids and mortgage. Instead, you sought your own interests and hobbies and paid a high price for it. One that you will continue to pay until you conform, or reach the end of your life.

I don't want to sound too harsh or cruel, but just like me, you did this to yourself. No one made you socially awkward or a misfit. There was something inside that made you who you are today.

I wear my status of being a social misfit like a badge of honor. If you are ashamed to be who you are, then change it. Start watching sports, sitcoms, and "reality tv". Start conforming to other men your age who are attractive to women. Dumb yourself down, try not to "think too much".

As one who recently tried those things, I can tell you they didn't work for me.

If you go that route, I just hope you don't wind up hating yourself like I did.

astromechtech · Nov 24, 2008, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by BigJG

I am confident in myself in some ways but I obviously lack in other ways.

You NEED to hold on to that confidence. Don't get your expectations up either, lest you be let down again. Remember what you, I and others are up against. Society is just a gilded prison, a cage. Conformity is a straight jacket. There is no value in conformity, only the surrender to those of artificial authority and sub-intelligence.

We are better than that.

xxariesxx · Nov 24, 2008, 07:32 PM

Originally Posted by astromechtech

I've read the posts and it's almost completly unbearable for me. Why is Nerd such a nasty slur? I identify with nerd and I am proud of it. Why is being a social misfit akin to having leprosy?

The question you should be asking is do you want to join a conformist society. The answer is that we live in a society of conformist sheep. People who are afraid to think for themselves and are afraid of those of us who do. I am so individualistic and independent minded that I have been socially rejected by other nerds. Rejected for not following the latest fads in the geek community (yes they really do conform to each other and have trends/fads etc.)

Do you really want to be a sheeple (sheep + people)?

As for women, I am in the same boat as you are, and I'm 34 so don't feel too bad. Women are socially conditioned to love conformity and loathe individuality. Plain and simple, this is why women have been traditionally the guardians and stalwarts of social norms and mores. This is why fashion and trend publications are marketed almost exclusively towards women.

This is also why you will probably never find a cool nerd female, (at least not one who isn't already spoken for or that your friends wont fight you over. Or that her friends wont try to keep you from dating or associating with.)

Society has a mob mentality, and breeds conformity. If you were one of the sheeple, you would already have a wife, kids and mortgage. Instead, you sought your own interests and hobbies and paid a high price for it. One that you will continue to pay until you conform, or reach the end of your life.

I don't want to sound too harsh or cruel, but just like me, you did this to yourself. No one made you socially awkward or a misfit. There was something inside that made you who you are today.

I wear my status of being a social misfit like a badge of honor. If you are ashamed to be who you are, then change it. Start watching sports, sitcoms, and "reality tv". Start conforming to other men your age who are attractive to women. Dumb yourself down, try not to "think too much".

As one who recently tried those things, I can tell you they didn't work for me.

If you go that route, I just hope you don't wind up hating yourself like I did.

Hah. I love this post, I agree with it all so much.

It's true that women are conditioned to follow the mob and to fit in. I'm a woman and I don't like that thought, but it's true.
There are women who think differently than that too. I have inevitably cut a lot of potential people out of my life because I can't relate to them and the "sheeple" mentality. It's difficult because we're social creatures and I would like to make connections with others, but I would be ashamed of myself if I tried to fit in to those norms.

There are girls out there that are able to admire you (OP) for who you are and you should not settle for anything less. Don't sacrifice what you believe and who you are for anyone.

NItEMArE129 · Nov 25, 2008, 04:32 PM

Personally, I think you're afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone. But if your entire life is sheltered, you're not really living. The courage to take a big step is tough, yea. But not taking that risk is being a coward (no offense). And as sappy as it may sound, any risk, no matter how small, will help. Because, like JRSG said, Baby steps!