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N0help4u · Aug 21, 2008, 07:58 PM

What the real truth is...
He called her to cause a drift as JB said and
Then she told you and asked you not to tell anybody
You couldn't contain yourself from telling what she told you in confidence
You told your brother
It got back to her
She got mad.
Which part aren't you sure about?

yeahrightman · Aug 24, 2008, 07:35 PM

Thanks again for your reply but what kind of person would I be not confronting my brother about this and then not telling my girlfriend that I did so? Kind of a contradiction.

yeahrightman · Sep 2, 2008, 04:25 AM

I'm 18 and had never had a girlfriend before and was not really looking until this girl came into my life. You know when your young you expect to have a few girlfriends and build some experience in relationships until the right one comes along and then you can make the right decisions at the right time. This was not the case for me, my first girlfriend was the one, the one that I would have liked to of ended up with as a life partner instead of being seen as a life learning step. Ok, she was only 15 when we met but I have seen many high school relationships last into life partners. My problem is the fact that even though I gave %100 to the relationship I feel that I did not have enough experience and maturity to know that I was doing anything wrong. Just little things like being insecure and not trusting her, there was no cheating or anything like that. I also think a big factor was that I did not really have a chosen career path after leaving school and her parents even gave me a job through a family friend which I really did not like and gave up after three weeks. Stupid things like that, that at the time you think does not really matter at such a young age and you do not mean any harm buy. Now that she's gone I do not know how to deal with the fact that the girl of my dreams has left me because her parents did not approve of me anymore after letting me be apart of there family and accepting me onto there house with open arms and I feel that I'm to blame for it all. And the truth is I meant no harm in anyway I was just young, with no experience. How do you deal with the fact that any relationship you now have will just be second best, a second hand emotion and that you are to blame for that?

JBeaucaire · Sep 2, 2008, 12:16 PM

You can stop allowing yourself to think silly things. I'm not saying your feelings for her weren't as extreme as you say, I believe they were.

I'm asking, "Why in the world would you predict no person ever, anywhere, can be an awesome lifelong match for you? Why? What are you gaining thinking that way?"

You think you're different from everyone else who posts here trying to figure out how to get over their first love? I'm sorry to burst THAT bubble, but you're not different. You're going through the exact same thing all of us went through when our first BIG LOVE relationship ended.

I'm 45 years old and still VIVIDLY recall detailed aspects of my first love (17 yrs old). Crisp and clear. But I didn't make the mistake then of thinking that I needed to get over it. I didn't. I still don't. I never did, in fact. I can still tap those feelings.

And I also didn't make the mistake of thinking I'd never love again. In fact, I realized the opposite was true. I had fallen in love hard, felt it all, and now it was over. I now knew I COULD love like that.

It makes just as much sense to say, "I have loved deeply and will love deeply again." as it is to say what you are... "I have loved deeply and never will love deeply again." Choosing to think the way you are is just that... a CHOICE, and it's a random one.

There is no reason at ALL you can't allow yourself to both be sad and work through the pain of the lost love without feeling like it's the LOVE you're trying to get over. You're not. It's the loss. Keep the memories, refer to them fondly and as often as you deem appropriate.

I was in love 4 times, my first was the STRONGEST I felt, but my last is the best, it's real and lasting and inspires me to do things I would never do myself (including keeping a job I didn't like for more than three week... <wink>).

You're going to be fine. Stop landmining your future though, it's not necessary.

EuRa · Sep 2, 2008, 02:43 PM

Wow, JB is so awesome.

I too can remember the first time my heart was broken. I am male, and at the time I was 20 or so. However, I wasn't as cool as JB. I didn't eat for 3-4 months, lost so much weight, etc. I never thought I would get over it, but then time healed me, and I was able to finally continue with life.

Which is what you should do. College? If not, what career can you see yourself doing? Moving out of parents house? Want your own car? etc. Lots of stuff you can do. Time to start doing things, handling responsibility, and everything else will fall in place for you.

yeahrightman · Sep 2, 2008, 09:25 PM

Many thanks for your replies. You all continue to help

chinaware · Sep 3, 2008, 03:55 AM

I don't think you can tell this early that a previous relationship is the best. It does take a lot of time to heal wounds but it works.. Things come when you least expect them to and I'm pretty sure you're going to find what you just wrote funny in the next few years when you're in another great relationship!

yeahrightman · Sep 7, 2010, 09:54 PM

I am in a situation where, I am almost %100 sure that my brother, and close friend had something to do with the break up of my ex and I. I have held grudges towards both of them ever since, but since I don't speak to my ex anymore, I can't prove anything. Being close to, and seeing both these people a lot of the time makes it difficult to get over her, as it is always in my face. This is making me very depressed and ruining my life. What to do?

Kitkat22 · Sep 7, 2010, 09:58 PM

Leave it alone. You are probably being paranoid. You have broken up. Maybe they did you a favor.

Devorameira · Sep 8, 2010, 06:01 AM

You need to forget about it. Your relationship must have had some major flaws, or it wouldn't have ended at all.

Jake2008 · Sep 8, 2010, 07:03 AM

Did they have reason to split the two of you up? To put a plan together, and execute it, and 'win'? Why would they have done that. Could it have been they thought it was the right thing- for you?

Not saying what they did was right, or wrong, or whether they did anything at all, but the resentment you hold toward both of them, is hindering not only your relationship with them, but also hindering you getting over the break with your ex.

Regardless of who did what to whom, relationships often fail because there is a third party involved, or in your case a possible fourth.

Not at all uncommon either for relationships to just not work out, and people go their separate ways.

The only person who can satisfy your need to know, is your ex girlfriend. If you have only a theory to base the demise of the relationship on, then you are a poor communicator with her. Nobody can break any couple up, unless the couple is not strong together.

If that's all you got, you are most likely still in the dark about 'why'. It is sad really, that you don't have more insight into how you could have possibly contributed, or she could have possibly contributed to the end of the relationship, without assistance from outsiders.

There is usually a reason, and my guess is, it has nothing to do with your brother or friend.

You are saying that the relationship would have continued had they not done what they did, whatever that is, yet, you still don't have a clue about the other end- and that is, your lack of communicataion with your now, ex.

Why not just talk to her, so you can put the conspiracy theory to rest, and realize the truth, so that in the next relationship, you can have more success.

Shadowburn · Sep 8, 2010, 08:13 AM

I think you give those people way too much power. If you boyfriend didn't want to break up with you, he simply wouldn't. Healthy relationships with a solid foundation don't fall apart like that.

Forget it and move on.

talaniman · Sep 8, 2010, 08:51 AM

All threads merged

Quote by yeahrightman on March 20, 2008;
Anyway, we tried again but no matter how hard I tried she continued to be cold and distant and was like she wasn't giving me a chance at all. A week after valentines day she broke up with me. I asked her why and she said that I wasn't happy and that its not working. I said to her that I loved her more than life it self but she said that I won't change her mind. The phone call ended with me bursting out in tears and me telling her that I would always love her. As time went on I would call her and ask for her back but she just said that I was pushing her away. Eventually she told me not to call her anymore and that was it. About a week ago i find out she is going back out with her ex?? I'm so confused and in pain. What did I do? What didn't I do? What should I do? I would walk in front of traffic for her.:confused:

You have been holding a resentment for to long, let it go, and accept what she told you almost 2 years ago. Maybe they did go behind your back and talk crap to your ex, but the decision to dump you and go back to her ex was her choice, and had nothing to do with what they said, and maybe, just maybe, they knew something that you didn't know about her. Close this chapter of your life, and move on finally.