[progunr]

I am a total optimist.

My wife is a total pessimist.

We tend to have issues because of this at times.

I see myself as the happier of the two of us and I attribute that to my positive attitude.

If you go around all the time expecting the worst, I believe that is what you will get.

I think I would agree with the premise, but I don't know how possible it is to over look some problems, and just expect if you don't pay any attention to them, they will just go away.

Some relationship issues may be beyond that philosophy.

[ilovcali]

If you forget about the bad parts of the relationship, they will go away.

I don't agree with that. If something is wrong in your relationship and you don't address it, it will just go away? Is that what the message is?

I think it's unclear what you mean. But I've never seen the movie.

--Cali

[Violet31]

I have read the book.

I think it´s important to be positive and have a positive attitude, but I don´t believe in total positivity. I have been to disaster zones and I do not believe the victims brought it on themselves, as implied in The Secret.

I believe negative things should be worked on. We cannot go through life without negativity coming our way, so I think it´s important to be able to look at adversity as a gift, because it can help us grow.

Basically, I believe in positive thinking, looking at negativity as a gift and hard work. I don´t believe sitting and thinking can amount too much and make things happen all the time, but it´s good to concentrate on a dream, then find ways to make it happen.

Violet

[Kevin_s]

Pessimism bring balance to everyone in my opinion. Should negativity be something to expect or dwell on? By all means I would hope not.

I say, stay positive, stay happy. Bad things happen for a reason, and it's not what happened that's important, it's how you deal with it, and go to fix the situation that is important.

Negativity helps us better ourselves, just as positivity does too.

[N0help4u]

You can't just forget the bad it is still there it still happened and usually for a reason.
Like you breaking up with him if you forget what he did and he persuaded you to get back with him you would be repeating the problem. You can forgive and work things out but forgetting is not exactly good because you have to learn the lesson.

[JBeaucaire]

Saw the movie, laughed OUT LOUD several times through it, hopefully didn't bother too many people in the theater.

Thinking positively is one thing, that movie was over the top... good for fantasy, though.

[jrsg]

Yeah, I think a hybrid of what the movie says to do is perfect.
Think positive, but how can you NOT acknowledge the negative sometimes? I agree with the idea to be grateful, and appreciate your spouse. But not with much else.

My favourite part is where the guy says he imagines a perfect location for an open parking spot in a busy lot. He imagines it, and finds one "95% of the time." LOL! If only that acually did work...

Another thing I don't like about this movie: That disaster victims bring the disaster upon themselves. What bulls**t, lol. That was just ridiculous.

But, I think I will try some of the strategies suggested, and give it a shot. BUT, I'm not just going to forget everything bad, that could just screw up my life. For example, my ex-girlfriend, who was just recently sexualy molested, am I just supposed to pretend it never happened? Imagine it never happened, and it will make it true? HA!

[Violet31]

Another thing I don't like about this movie: That disaster victims bring the disaster upon themselves. What bulls**t, lol. That was just rediculous.

It is such an insult to the victim of disasters and wars - not to mention victims of terrorist attacks. I survived one of those in London when IRA was active and it was not because of my negative thinking. Busy areas in London were target areas for the IRA in those days and I happened to be in the wrong place and the wrong time. I was very lucky, unlike some other people who were with me that day.

Same goes for the victims of 9/11. Stating this in the book is an insult to their memory.

Peace, Violet

[jrsg]

Another thing I don't like about this movie: That disaster victims bring the disaster upon themselves. What bulls**t, lol. That was just rediculous.

It is such an insult to the victim of disasters and wars - not to mention victims of terrorist attacks. I survived one of those in London when IRA was active and it was not because of my negative thinking. Busy areas in London were target areas for the IRA in those days and I happened to be in the wrong place and the wrong time. I was very lucky, unlike some other people who were with me that day.

Same goes for the victims of 9/11. Stating this in the book is an insult to their memory.

Peace, Violet

Wow, that is an amazing story. Glad you made it out okay.
And yeah, saying that people bring this on themselves? C'mon. Negative thinking is bad, and sure, it attracts more negativity, but it won't attract terrorist attacks, or hurricanes, or anything like that. Some of this movie really is just fantasy and ridiculous, and laughable.

[N0help4u]

Another thing I don't like about this movie: That disaster victims bring the disaster upon themselves. What bulls**t, lol. That was just rediculous.

It is such an insult to the victim of disasters and wars - not to mention victims of terrorist attacks. I survived one of those in London when IRA was active and it was not because of my negative thinking. Busy areas in London were target areas for the IRA in those days and I happened to be in the wrong place and the wrong time. I was very lucky, unlike some other people who were with me that day.

Same goes for the victims of 9/11. Stating this in the book is an insult to their memory.

Peace, Violet

OH how I agree with you 100% When my life was a mess everybody kept telling me I was bringing it on myself and I had to think positive. They said make better choices, like I had any real choice that was good! My choices were do you want to wait and take your chances with this or should you get out of a bad rental situation and hope something better comes along before you end up homeless? Others choices were do I want to buy a house in the city or the suburbs.

Thinking positive often only makes you feel the gap worse and makes you feel more hopeless. Sometimes there are no good choices as an option and you have to make due and survive.

[Violet31]

That is so true, NoHelp4U.

Bad things happen and have done so through the ages. I don´t understand why everything should be down to us. Sometimes we do have very few options, but the good thing is that there can be a great spiritual growth from adversity.

I also think The Secret promotes passiveness and laziness. I believe in working for my dreams and earning them. That is half the fun! Not sitting back and simply wishing for them to happen.

Jrsg, thanks for your comment. I´m also glad I made it OK, but that day will be stamped on my mind forever. I still get nervous taking a train in London. On the positive side ;) it made me value my life much more and it made me want to do something good with my life, because I will always think of the people who lost their lives that day. Somehow I feel their memory deserves it.

Violet

[godsbabygirl267]

She is not handling it at all. She is meerely hiding it from her mind. If she was OK with it or even remotely getting over it, she would almost definitely have to talk to someone. If she doesn't trust anyone then she is not handling it. You need to talk to her. Or someone needs to talk to her. She should tell the police, hiding it is only making it worse because then this creep gets to go free and your girlfriend is hurt, again.

[hjpan]

She is not handling it at all. She is meerely hiding it from her mind. If she was ok with it or even remotely getting over it, she would almost definately have to talk to someone. If she doesnt trust anyone then she is not handling it. You need to talk to her. Or someone needs to talk to her. She should tell the police, hiding it is only making it worse because then this creep gets to go free and your girlfriend is hurt, again.

She needs to rebuild herself first with the help of the boyfriend and then get this guy in prison...

[N0help4u]

and then get this guy in prison...

She needs to do that asap not after she rebuilds anything. Quick timing is valuable and essential when it comes to rape.

[hjpan]

she needs to do that asap not after she rebuilds anything. Quick timing is valuable and essential when it comes to rape.

How would she be able to confront anything if she's too scared =/

[N0help4u]

If she is scared she needs to go to rape counseling.
She needs to at least make out a report for now.
If she waits too long she sounds like an unreliable person and isn't as easily believed.

[jrsg]

Hey everybody!
Just wanted to thank you again.

I am doing well, although a little confused. In the past couple weeks, I have gone from saying "good riddance, I don't need her anyway" to "I want her back". Then I go back and forth and back and forth. So, I am on a hybrid of that right now, thinking I could talk to her and just see where things go when we talk.

I have a week to think about it, IN CUBA! I am going on a resort vacation with the family to Cuba for a week, leaving Saturday morning. If there is a better place to think and to just have a clear mind, show me. I doubt you could find one. This vacation, I can take my mind off things at home, and also think about them, in peace and quiet. Can't wait to go! (31 hours and counting)!

Just a little update, and I wanted to let you know that I am happy and extremely content with life right now, and that it is partly because of everybody who helped me here. Thanks again guys, and I'll talk to you when I get back from Cuba!

[jrsg]

Hey!
I got back from Cuba after a great, amazing, mind-clearing week. If there is anything better than a week in Cuba to get over a past relationship, show me, but I doubt one exsists.

I am finally over my last girlfriend (not 100%, but still a good 70%) and I think I am ready for another relationship. I think I will probably wait until school starts to look for a girlfriend. I don't just want to attempt to "pick up" some random girl on the street, and build a relationship based on appearances. Once I get back to school, I will be even further over my ex and I can build a healthy relationship with a girl more suitable with me. I just hope the next relationship won't be so turbulent...

I have learned so much from this relationship though, and I can't wait to apply what I have learned in another relationship. And thanks again to everyone here for all the help. I think I am FINALLY over with all of this. It has been quite the summer for me :).

[WhatN3XT]

Now that your 70% over your last relationship, why would you wan't another one? Take some time to heal in your hometown, not CUBA. Vacations are awesome, but sadly... distractions.

[jrsg]

I am finally over this girl that I have been basically obsessing over for the past 2 months.
And I think I am more than 70%, I underestimated that. I am 90% if not a full 100%already.

Why would I want another relationship?
Because I like to be in love. I want to have somebody to talk to about whatever, and to help and support, and to make feel good. I want a girlfriend. Makes my life so much happier.

And I think healing in Cuba was just as good as at home. The only difference was that the thinking was done on a sunny beach, and not in a Toronto suburban house bedroom. I was able to stand back, and look at the situation I had with my ex, and ask myself, "is this really what I want?" I wasn't able to do that at home, so maybe Cuba was even better than home.

I do agree with you when you say Cuba was a distraction. YES IT WAS! THAT WAS THE POINT! I am trying to forget about how much I like this girl, and that isn't going to just happen. When I sit at home, and think about how much I miss her, or when I look at the couch we would always sat on I get really depressed (I don't do that anymore, lol, after Cuba). But, in Cuba, I have plenty of things to distract me and help me forget. When I beak up, I need (and I think everyone needs) DISTRACTIONS!

But thanks for the reply