[pleasehelpme101]

Last night after I got off the phone with my girlfriend who I love sooo much she got raped she lives in a guy frat house with her dad on the U of O campus in Oregon and she was at the vending machine getting a bottle of wter when a new guy was moving in and he asked for help and she helped him and as she put the boxes of the guys stuff in front of his door and began walking back to her room the guy immediately pushed her in the room and raped her for about 15 minuites.
I know that I have to be there for her but what do I do?
How do I handle this?
Her dad is taking care of the law stuff but what can I do?
I'm going to be scared or life and things between us will never be the same what do I do?
Please help me?
Please I beg of you!
What do I do??

[N0help4u]

Be there for her, don't be pushy in an over protective way. Basically be yourself and remember she is still who she is. Don't let the thought of what happened to her make her less desirable in any way. Be patient when she needs patience, be understanding, be supportive,

[Fr_Chuck]

You be there for her, don't push her to talk about it and remember she may take a long time to get over this. I will hope she gets counseling and perhaps you should consider also visiting the couselor to help learn how to better deal with all of the issues that are going to come up over time.

[starbuck8]

I'm so sorry this happened to your girlfriend. It's a horrible thing to have to deal with.

Just let her know that you are there for her, and like the others said, don't push her to talk about it if she doesn't want to. She might act differently towards you for awhile. She might have mood swings, and get angry for what seems to be no reason. Just be very patient with her, even when she tells you to go away. It's not you she's angry at, so don't take it personally.

Counseling is a must, and hopefully she is open to that. If she isn't immediately ready for that, give her time, and gently ask her again at a later date.

'Fr_Chuck', is right in suggesting that you also get some guidance from a counselor to help you deal with this, and how to deal with the feelings that she will have.

Good luck and best wishes to you and your girlfriend in dealing with this horrific and life altering crime.

[Turasleon]

First, I would like to say that I am very, very sorry for what happened. This is a horrible thing, and no one should have to suffer through something like this... I hope all will work out for the two of you, and I hope her mind can someday be put at ease.

Now, as for advice, I can't say too much more than previous posters. Fr_Chuck made a very good point in saying that you really can't push her to talk about this. I know you want to know, and I know you want to understand and be there for her, but being there for her right now is letting herself get over the immediate shock of what just happened. If you push her, you will make this much, much harder for her to both get over it, and remain close to you. Your relationship WILL suffer if you push the issue too hard, too fast.

As well, you must understand... this wound will take time to heal. If you two have been sexually active, you can NOT expect her to be sexual with you. Her body has recently been very violated and she will have much more respect for you if you understand that, and wait for her to be ready for such a thing again.

Just as N0help4u put it, you can't let this make her any less desirable to you. As much as you may not want to see her as "tainted" you may look at it that way for quite some time, almost as if she had cheated on you. Remember, however, this is not the case. She has done nothing wrong, she is still your girlfriend, she is still the woman that you love.

Do your best to see that she gets counseling, and as Starbuck8 said, make sure that you are respectful of her decision if she does not want to go for a time. Remember, don't force her to do anything she is not comfortable with yet. That goes for any physical contact. She may appear distant, and may appear moody/angry, but who wouldn't after being sexually assaulted? Just be there for her, there isn't much more you can do for her than that at this point in time.

More than ANYTHING, she needs you to be there for her. Be calm, be patient, don't judge her, and keep loving her for who she is. She needs that from you right now, and while this time is extremely hard for you (and believe me, much, much harder for her), if you treat her right, things could work out better for the both of you, and this will bring you much closer than you ever imagined.

Best of luck to you both, and I hope the rapist gets what he deserves. I hope everything will heal with time...

[mary lalsley]

As a real good friends real listen to her at time for her so will need to talk a lot don't try making her to bring it up so will open up on her own time but let her know that you are there for her and you love her and god love her even that something like that help pray together if you believe in god I pray that you do

[QueenSheba]

I think this is going to be difficult for the 2 of you. She will probably take months to recover and you will be ready to move on before she will. She will be afraid of being alone, and afraid to trust people. No matter how long it takes her to recover, just be supportive. Don't get angry with her. Definitely get counselling from someone who deals with rape victims. This is so very important!!

[backlog007]

This is one situation this modern hi-tech world of digital comn might not be able to help you.. its all in the mind how we define the word girlfriend - the instant usage of that word brings unwanted thoughts to our mind - which is bad..

As for the advice, I wd suggest be with her, probably these are the times when she needs you the most and these are your actions which she would remember the most - throughout her life.. after all, we always tend to remember the person who helped us the most when we were in trouble isn't it?

Have patience and faith in the Supreme power, both of you will come out of this..