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miss21 · Feb 15, 2008, 09:03 AM

Imagine you met a 21yr old girl you started to like. After a few weeks she tells you she's a virgin, then she tells you she got raped (while she got drugged) a few years ago and this is partly the reason why she haven't had sex yet. How would you react to this? And in what ways would you think different about her than before?

And do you think a girl can be a virgin even if she got raped?

One more question, is virginity a turn-on for most guys?

ISneezeFunny · Feb 15, 2008, 09:07 AM

Technically, (and I mean this in TECHNICAL terms)... a virgin is someone who has not yet had sexual intercourse. Unfortunately, she has had sexual intercourse. So this makes her NOT a virgin. Some people will translate virginity as the girls' choice to lose... so it's really up to the person that defines it.

virginity is... a bit of a turn on for me because I feel like she's been waiting for "the one" and that makes her... somewhat pure, innocent, and strong-willed. I like that.

I wouldn't look at her/think of her differently as being a rape victim, she's just that... a victim. She had no say in how she had sex the first time. I would feel terrible for her, but other than that, I wouldn't look at her any differently.

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Feb 15, 2008, 09:09 AM

No you are not a virgin. If you were, then you wouldn't have had any sexual intercourse, raped or not.

I am so sorry about the incident. I hope this hasn't made you afraid of sex because it is a wonderful experience, when someone loves you and vice versa.

Honestly I don't think the guy would mind. Explain to him.

I have heard that guys find it so hot if women are virgins because they are innocent and hadn't been touched.

smoothy · Feb 15, 2008, 10:33 AM

Nope, not a virgin... but consider the fact it wasn't by choice and don't think any less of her for it. Or for yourself it it was you.

Personally is it a turn on? For me its not a turn on... but it is a sign of great character.

miss21 · Feb 16, 2008, 02:13 PM

Thanks for replying!

Fr_Chuck · Feb 16, 2008, 02:56 PM

First the to the girl, it is the fact she has never chosen to have sex. Physcially she is not a virgin, but it should not be a difference one way or another to a guy if he likes her.

charliegul · Feb 16, 2008, 03:14 PM

I got to say its cool so many dudes on here think so highly of virginity but a lot of the dudes I know really would perfer someone more experienced. They say they like being with a girl who's a little more knowledgeable about the bedroom

Choux · Feb 16, 2008, 06:02 PM

Keep is simple, a virgin is a female with an intact hymen.

Most healthy adult men prefer women who are sexually experienced... think of it like this, if you were going dancing, would you want a partner who knew nothing about dance? :)

ISneezeFunny · Feb 16, 2008, 06:05 PM

Originally Posted by Choux

Keep is simple, a virgin is a female with an intact hymen.

Most healthy adult men prefer women who are sexually experienced....think of it like this, if you were going dancing, would you want a partner who knew nothing about dance? :)

Personally I wouldn't mind.

Secondly, the hymen can be lost without sexual intercourse.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 16, 2008, 07:05 PM

... so... what... what?

You said a virgin is a female with an intact hymen. There are also virgins WITHOUT an intact hymen. The hymen is not an indicator of virginity.

Choux · Feb 16, 2008, 07:07 PM

Yes it is. By definition.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 16, 2008, 07:16 PM

Definition from... where?

A virgin is someone who has not yet had sexual intercourse. Where does it say anything about the hymen being broken?

If a girl has sex, yet her hymen doesn't break... then is she still a virgin?

hollylovesbrandon · Feb 16, 2008, 07:17 PM

I have to take chouxs' side on this one. That is the technical definition. For physical purposes. But unless she has actually had intercourse I would say she's a virgin in spirit.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 16, 2008, 07:28 PM

... virgin in spirit? So you're saying that a woman who has had sex 3 - 4 times yet still has her hymen intact is a virgin (in spirit?)

This is a debatable argument, and has been for countless years. However, medically speaking, the hymen is NOT an indicator of virginity.

Does this mean that women without an intact hymen aren't virgins? There are virgins that have broken their hymen due to the use of tampons and masturbation.

Choux · Feb 16, 2008, 07:29 PM

"Virgin" is a meaningless term to women living in first world countries... it is a term for ferocious debate in religious circles by MEN. Overly religious men seem to have great interest in the condition of women's *virginity*. LOL!

Either a woman has a hymen or she doesn't. *A woman with a hymen has proof that she was never penetrated by a penis... she is a virgin*

VIRGIN IS JUST A LOT OF MALE SEXIST TALK USED TO CLASSIFY WOMEN. REAL WOMEN REJECT THIS KIND OF NONSENSE IN 2008!!

hollylovesbrandon · Feb 16, 2008, 07:34 PM

I think the reason we reject it is because not many of us are nowadays. As we can see with all the unwed mothers and fathers out there. Put simply, a woman's virginity, or lack of it, should not be an issue, especially if you truly care about the person. I would be more worried about psychological damage from the rape than I be her being a virgin. And, just for you information, in spirit was JUST referring to someone in HER situation, not every woman. If you aren't going to take the posts seriously, then I suggest you go somewhere else to ask for your advice. We give whole-hearted advise that tries to help people, not start arguments.

Synnen · Feb 17, 2008, 09:59 AM

If losing your virginity means losing your hymen, then I lost my virginity to my bike when I was 6.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 17, 2008, 11:58 AM

I give advice to help people as well... but in the end, I come here to answer questions, not to make people feel better. Sometimes, my answers make them feel better, and sometimes they don't.

I agree with hollylovesbrandon that she may be a virgin "in spirit" because it was not her choice to have sex with the rapist. However, the question was just "is she a virgin"... and in this case, my answer would have to be... unfortunately, no. she is not.

I agree with synnen on this one that the hymen means nothing when it comes to virginity.

I disagree with choux that this is a "sexist" ideal... yes, it may have started that way, to classify women being chaste and pure, but in the current time we live in, virginity spans both ways... men and women.

Also, many women still consider their virginity a symbol of their own identity and their own purity. It's as important to some women as it is to some men.

*A woman with a hymen has proof that she was never penetrated by a penis... she is a virgin*

Not true. Sometimes the hymen gets stretched and isn't broken, even if she has been penetrated by a penis.

rodandy12 · Feb 21, 2008, 10:33 AM

I wonder what caused humans to evolve hymens. Do they have a function? Seems like society makes a great deal more out of it than that little bit of tissue deserves. Maybe we ought to think of them more like we think of uvulas.

Is the male equivalent the foreskin? That's a pretty unpopular bit of tissue, as well.

smoothy · Feb 21, 2008, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by rodandy12

I wonder what caused humans to evolve hymens. Do they have a function? Seems like society makes a great deal more out of it than that little bit of tissue deserves. Maybe we ought to think of them more like we think of uvulas.

Is the male equivalent the foreskin? That's a pretty unpopular bit of tissue, as well.

I think its more of a vestigial thing... some animals have theirs close over when they aren't in heat. I guess to keep out debris. Who knows, that was never my course of study.