[whymelord]

My almost 17 year old daughter and I just had a fight, she won't come home on time. She says I am to hard on her. And she hates me she can't stand to hear my voice.

[Choux]

Don't take it personally. It's all about her and her rebellion.

[Alty]

It's time for some tough love. She lives under your roof, you pay the bills, she must listen to your rules. Yes, she's growing up, yes, she probably thinks she's so wise and knows everything, but we both know she isn't.

I'd sit down with her and try to rationally explain that she is legally still a child and that she must adhere to your rules, if she doesn't like it then she should consider moving out and making her own rules. I personally go for the "As long as you live under my roof" mentality, it's worked for years.

Good Luck.

[Mom of 2]

I agree with all of the above. I don't know one single person who NEVER rebelled against their parents to some degree.

If she is doing things that you cannot tolerate, start taking as many privileges away from her. If she has a car, take the keys away. If she has a phone and you pay the bill, then have the phone turned off. She needs to understand that there are consequences for her behavior and until she can follow your rules, you don't have to do certain things for her. The only thing that you need to do by law is house, clothe and feed her. A car, cell phone, the latest fashions are not necessities. They are privileges. Start taking these away and promise that they will return when you see a change in her behavior. She may be angry with you for a while, but hey, that is normal for this age. DON'T take this personally. The fact that she is being rebellious shows that you are being a good parent and not a "good friend" to her. She does not need another good friend, she needs a parent such as yourself.

[justcurious55]

I agree with the others, don't take it personally. I'm sure she doesn't mean it, she's probably just frustrated and taking it out on you. What time is her curfew anyway? While it is your house and she should definitely be abiding by your rules, maybe the two of you might be able to compromise? After all, she is getting older, a little more independence and freedom might be a good thing. And what time is it that she's coming home? Are we talking about she's 15 minutes late or you said be home at 11 and she's coming in at 2 or 3 am?

[whymelord]

i agree with the others, don't take it personally. i'm sure she doesn't mean it, she's probably just frustrated and taking it out on you. what time is her curfew anyways? while it is your house and she should definately be abiding by your rules, maybe the two of you might be able to compromise? after all, she is geting older, a little more independence and freedom might be a good thing. and what time is it that shes coming home? are we talking about she's 15 minutes late or you said be home at 11 and she's coming in at 2 or 3 am?

Ya you are right she is frustrated, she is my only child it is hard to listen to her say the things she says about me. Her curfew is 11:30 no later than 12:00am, on the week ends. On school night she want to have the same time. Sleeping at her desk all classed because out late at night. Could not take it any more and locked the door when she refused to come home on time. Very angry because didn't expected me to do that. We will try to talk when she is ready to listen to my voice. I am searcing for help for her she need to talk to somebody and release herself.

[J_9]

Ok, first of all she is 16, don't give her any more years than she is by saying she is almost 17.

Second of all, who is the parent here? You are, time to let her know that.

Third, her curfew is either 11:30 or 12:00, can't be both. And be strict with it.

At this point it is best that you take away everything she values... cell phone, car, Ipod, etc. These are items that are earned, not just given. She is disrespecting you and your rules, so she has not earned the right to have these things. She can get them back when she understands who runs the house and begins to respect you as her mother.

Yeah, she's 16, she rebellious, she's an only child.

I know I was rebellious at 16, until my parents put their foot down and showed me who was boss. They only had to do it once. I learned very well from them and have used the tactic on my children. They only rebelled once, then they knew who was boss.

[whymelord]

Thank you, I have taken all that was given, she just returned today. You are right I need to deal with the now and not the will be. After a week of hell, I can see now how much I gave and gave and received only mouth and but from her. Things are not business as usual. There has been a change.

[haddenk0705]

My almost 17 year old daughter and I just had a fight, she won't come home on time. she says I am to hard on her. and she hates me she can't stand to hear my voice.

Use the time for serenity for yourself while she is gone. I have an 18yrs that will never go anywhere and won't move out and her dad allows to her to treat me like crap! So I would personally be grateful if mine didn't come home for awhile. If she doesn't come home call the police and tell them she is a out past curfew if you have on there..

[Homegirl 50]

Now that she is back home it is time to lay down the law. Take away all privileges, she has abused them and disrespected you and has therefore lost them. Tell her again what the rules are and tell her she will obey them until she is old enough to leave home. Tell her she does not have to like the rules but she must obey them.
Don't allow her to get away with this stunt she just pulled. She will do it again the next time you say something she does not like if you don't nip this in the bud. Teens will be teens, but you should not tolerate disrespect.

[justcurious55]

Another tip for when you punish/ground her, w/e you want to call it. Don't let that turn into another fight. Be very calm, take whatever privileges you decide appropriate away and tell her in a very calm voice what she's losing and for how long and remind her why and what she can do to earn them back. Then walk away. Don't engage with her (I'm sure she'll argue and say again that she hates you and you're too hard, blah blah blah. Ignore it.)

[talaniman]

My 17 year old hates me and can't stand to hear my voice

So what? Her job is to do as she is told, or there is hell to pay. Who cares what she hates, and doesn't want to hear. I never did.