[SteamTrain]

I am so fed up and depressed. All my relationships usually end with the man not calling me. Recently I met a man I really liked. The same thing happened and he stopped calling. I cannot figure out why. I thought that everything was great, I have read self help books to help me play hard to get. The only think I can think of is that I subconciously give out a desperate vibe because I really want someone. I also want to have a baby and am 38 and feeling the pressure, but I can't help it. I really want someone.

I would not wish the situation I am in now to my worst enemy. I am really sad, cry myself to sleep every night. I feel that nobody wants me or ever will. I believe that God helps those who help themselves, how can I help myself and get over this guy? Thank you so much to anyone who answers.

[N0help4u]

I know it gets old sometimes not having somebody but so that you are not depressed about it you have to 'get a life' more so than people who are happily together. I know it getting tiring at time but sometimes I really believe I am happier without someone because I can be as independent as I want to be and don't have to answer to anybody. Don't have anybody telling me where to go and what to do and don't do this and don't do that.

[Scleros]

Perspective of 37 year old object of your fed-up-ed-ness:

All my relationships usually end with the man not calling me.

Presumably, if you're waiting on the guy to call, you're still in the early stages of dating. Any utterance of "baby" in the first six months, nay even a year, will likely invoke a flee response from any guy not similarly minded and in a hurry to make it happen.

At the very least, if you cannot call him, have him accept your call, and he be agreeable enough to discuss the situation with you, consider yourself lucky it didn't go any further, and check him off the list of potentials. If he's not accepting your calls, I would think you have some issue other than a clock-is-ticking vibe.

I have read self help books to help me play hard to get.

I for one dislike "hard-to-get" and games in general because I'm dense and take things literally. By playing hard-to-get you risk not-getting-got.

I feel that nobody wants me or ever will. I believe that God helps those who help themselves...

First step would be stopping the self-pity (plus not attractive). I felt this way for awhile until I took a long hard look at how much I had dated and realized that serendipity probably wasn't a realistic tactic for obtaining a mate. Take a good look at what you're doing and where you're meeting your guys. If the focus of all your social forays is finding baby-maker, you're unlikely to succeed. Casually making guy friends may be more constructive in the long run as sometimes goals are best achieved as the indirect outcome of something else.

[SteamTrain]

Thank you for your answer. I think what you said is very true.
How do I stop feeling sorry for myself. I am trying to be positive and confident and be grateful for everything I have but I find myself crying as I write this as I am so sad inside. I don't get over things very easily. It takes me way way longer that the average person. I am very sensitive.

[Scleros]

I don't get over things very easily. It takes me way way longer that the average person.

You're preaching to the choir. I have no doubt _I_ hold all the world's records for longest time spent dwelling on a past relationship. And, it's a large hollow place. You have to fill it with something, but first really WANT to get over it. Anything that distracts from my misery works for me - the whole idle thoughts thing. If you're an extrovert, get out in places with people, volunteer, take a class, work a second job, etc. If not, obtain a pet to hug, remodel the house just because, learn a new skill, WHATEVER. If you lurk AMHD long enough, the idea of learning to be a happy single person as the starting requirement for a healthy relationship constantly resurfaces. I believe it's true, otherwise you're just two people sharing their misery with each other. Work on improving yourself; you may meet someone along the way. And, if you decide the emotional hole you've dug is too deep to climb out of yourself, seek treatment or counseling for depression. Happy secure people make the best parents. Adopt?

[SteamTrain]

Thank you very much.

[frangipanis]

I feel for you... and hope tomorrow brings something just a little different and special into your life.

Often when we hit rock bottom, it paves the way for change to happen. I'm glad you've written here, and hope you can take some comfort in knowing many of us would wish you well. Especially anyone who has felt the same way at some time (and most of us have) but for many different reasons. Whatever the reason, feeling consumed by loneliness, disappointment, and an aching sense of unfullfilment, is very painful. However, as is also often the case, once you get through this passage and realise you've embraced a new outlook and different set of circumstances, you'll be stronger and more resilient to future disappointments.

I'd recommend something similar to what others are suggesting, and gradually work on strengthening your material, physical and emotional wellbeing in small, manageable ways, where you can see and measure positive change taking place. This will increase your confidence that positive change is always achievable and within reach.

Best wishes to you though for now... :)

[N0help4u]

Sometimes doing volunteer work for people less fortunate than we are helps us to get over are feeling bad where our life is because we see some have it much worse. A nursing home is a good place and some of the people have some stories and wisdom well worth hearing.

[mythruss]

I will never ever have a girlfriend/wife but I can say that if I did I wouldn't do these things to her because ugly people have big hearts. I'm sorry about your situation=[=[=[ but believe me you will be delivered. Keep the faith...