[bigbluebear]

I've been sleeping with my long term boyfriend for a while now, since last year. We didn't have it all that often, possibly once or twice a week. He went away on business for nearly 2 months, during the beginning of this year, therefore I had no sex for 2 months, when he came back, we startyed having sex again, but ever since he got back its been better in some ways but not in others. For some reason we have had to start using lube, as I can just not get wet, even though I do want sex, apparently vasaline is as good as anything for lube, so that is what we use. It slips it so much easier now, but then recently despite using vasaline its still been really painful on initial penetration, as in it just wouldn't go in. I've started to notice that the skin at the top and bottom of the labia, where it joins on either side at a point at the top and bottom is sore, it's a darker pink, sort of red colour, where I presume his penis rubs during intercourse, after I first noticed this we waited for it to heal it took a few weeks, then as soon as we had ti again the same thing happened, so we waited again, we had it last night and the same thing has happened again, its not really sore or anything, but its not very pleasant it's a tiny bit uncomfortable, I can only presume its down to the size of his penis, but I'm too scared to go and get it checked out, as I'm sure all they will say is wait for it to heal or simply Don't HAVE SEX, but I want it, so I'm in a tricky situation?

[rebeltequila]

I have the same problem except my partner isn't so nice he just gets angry and makes me anyway hopefully some one will have an answer I'd love to no to! I've been STD tested and I haven't got anything

[bigbluebear]

Really! It thought I was totally alone, I know most people are going to say get to the doctors, but I know maybe I should but its not going to solve anything. I have had sti tests as well, and I know its not that. I'm sorry to hear your have the same problem, before I knew I did we continued with sex as well, and in all fairness it doesn't hurt that much once its actually in, its just upsetting to see the state of me.

Basically it looks as thought its split, but its not bleeding like mad or anything it is darker in colour though

[rebeltequila]

Yr I understand completely my man just thinks I want to get out of it its been happening for the last year and it just makes me irritable once it's in yr not so bad but it's the getting in I really hope someone can tell use here for fingers crosses :)

[bigbluebear]

My fingers are crossed to, but seens as thought I've left mine to heal and its happened again my boyfriend puts it down to his big penis and my weak or thin skin in that area! Please help us!

[Synnen]

How old are you girls?

It sounds to me like there is not enough foreplay going on here. You may want sex, but your body hasn't been turned on enough yet. Basically, your mind and body aren't in sync, and you need to take your time.

And not to be rude--but the next post with chat speak will be deleted. This is an adult board, and adults don't need to use chat speak away from their phones. Teenagers, on the other hand, shouldn't be posting here, and I find that the majority of the time it is a teenager using chat speak.

Type out your sentences. I don't have the time or energy to translate chat speak into English.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, Synnen it souinds like they are just going from clothes to penetration in about 4 minutes,

[Choux]

Sex is pleasure!

What you are having is misery... no natural juices indicate you are not turned on by him, and bruising and rips indicate abuse.

You need to talk to a good woman about sex and pleasure... and get rid of your abuser!

[rebeltequila]

How old are you girls?

It sounds to me like there is not enough foreplay going on here. You may want sex, but your body hasn't been turned on enough yet. Basically, your mind and body aren't in sync, and you need to take your time.

And not to be rude--but the next post with chat speak will be deleted. This is an adult board, and adults don't need to use chat speak away from their phones. Teenagers, on the other hand, shouldn't be posting here, and I find that the majority of the time it is a teenager using chat speak.

Type out your sentences. I don't have the time or energy to translate chat speak into English.

I'm 19 and my man loves foreplay its not that trust me I normally get about a min of 1hour straight fore play first I'm pretty turned on to say the least :p

[bigbluebear]

Totally agree with rebeltequila, I am 24 I would therefore class myself as an adult, we too have about 30 minutes kissing and hour foreplay, and use a lot of lube as well, therefore I think our problem is down to something else. I didn't come on here to be made a fool of or treated as if I'm a 12 year old. I don't think I would have had the sense if I was a kid, and nor the concern!

[Synnen]

If you TYPE like a teenager, I need to ask whether you are.

This is an adult board, and anyone who is NOT over 18 can not be here.

That being said, I wasn't trying to talk down to you, but you are fairly new, and I need to make sure you're aware of the rules while still answering your question.

If foreplay is NOT the issue--have you started taking any new medications recently? Medication can severely affect the amount of lubrication you actually produce. If that is NOT the case, I would consult your doctor, as it may be something that only she can address.

[kp2171]

The following text is copied from an earlier post I made with a similar topic, as I'm too damn lazy to not copy and paste...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ht-198654.html

foreplay isn't just for her head, to mentally get her mind ready for sex. I know you mentioned she is very tight, and the issue might not be proper lubrication, but id start there first.

Foreplay causes chemicals in her body to prepare her to receive you. The changes that occur with foreplay are

- the vagina actually changes shape, called a "ballooning" effect, where it partly widens and deepens to better receive the man

- the blood that rushes to the pelvis engorges tissues that actually "tighten" the proximal section of the vagina, with the tissues engorged with blood applying pressure and friction on the male. So more room on the back portion from elongation, a tighter "cuff" on the front side for friction

-the vagina begins to self lubricate, sometimes called vaginal "sweating" because it looks like that... little beads of "sweat" over the walls of the vagina

-the vulvovaginal ducts also lubricate the woman naturally

So foreplay is in your best interest as it best prepares her body.

Obviously your going slowly, letting her body relax and receive you, is smart.

That said, a woman can be lubricated but not ready for sex mentally, or she can be mentally ready for sex, but not well lubricated, even with foreplay.

So... the "addendum" concerns vaginal health. I know, you're a guy, and guys squirm at fem hygiene adds on TV... but you asked for help so here it is...

Obviously you might need to use a lubricant if foreplay doesn't do the job... and by foreplay I don't mean kiss, play with her breasts, and go straight for intercourse... I mean you take time to sensitize her in ways SHE likes... not what you like. But that's a completely different post... so lubricants might help... make sure the lubricant doesn't compromise condoms if that's your method of birth control. But before that, consider helping her body first.

Dryness is a condition that can be brought about from many things.

Is she a smoker? This can lower estrogen, which can cause dryness.

Does she take any meds, like allergy or antidepresants? Again, some meds can interfere with estrogen levels.

Things you do to the vagina can effect it... such as... get ready for it... douching. A young woman who is worried about being "clean" might be overdoing it. Bubblebaths, cleaning with acidic cleaners (vinegar), even use of inserted feminine hygiene products can all contribute to a dryness problem. Also, is she properly hydrated? Even drinking more water might help.

So... I'm not telling you to demand she takes showers and not bubble baths, use pads and not tampons, forgo douching (if she thinks she has an "imbalance" there are other ways to treat), and to stop smoking...

But these are all natural things she can try to improve her body's response... might help, might not.

Supposedly soy foods can help if estrogen is low, but I'm not sure I've seen strong evidence for this. Is a common thing mentioned for women going through early menopause... who face a similar situation due to low estrogen.

After all of this... if you try to stim her body to get the best response, and she tries a few things (hydration, cleaning changes) and nothing improves, she might want to talk to her medical provider.

There is a condition called vaginismus where a woman has difficulty with painful pelvic spasms during sex. Again... this is something for her to talk about with a medical provider, but after you try some other things first.

Talking to a med provider can be a hard thing for some to do. Who wants to go to the doctor and say "im too dry during sex"?. but she also needs to get over any hangups like that. The sooner a young woman takes control of her body by openly talking to an informed medical provider, the more empowered she will be.

Wow. I just went from "lube" to "girl power" all in one post. I never give a short answer.

[simoneaugie]

Try something besides vaseline. I've heard that Abilene, Albilene? Is the best.

After you have sex, wash with mild soap and water. Then, ideally you would spend the next eight hours or so without panties. Air makes skin tougher. Panties made from synthetic fiber can cause your skin to become delicate.

If you want to participate, it is not abuse.

[plonak]

Yeah they say use anything that's water soluble, and vasoline is not.. try what simon suggested

[larue_lisa]

All right I have the same problem as the other two girls...
It hurts when it first goes it and then its okay after that.
I'm so sick of hearing, your not turned on, he is doing his job.
I know the other girls agree, I get totally turned on and then nothing happens and it hurts.
Does someone else have any other answers besides "its in your mind"

I'm sick of getting that reply.

L

[Toluca_86]

rebeltequila:

If your man "makes you" (whatever that means, whether it's just pressuring or actual force) have sex when you don't want to, /that is an abusive relationship/.

Please poke around this site a bit, that is a non-profit and tries to give advice to teenagers on how to have healthy sexuality: The Abusive Partner Checklist | Scarleteen

[kp2171]

Does someone else have any other answers besides "its in your mind"

I'm sick of getting that reply.
L

Mkay... ill repost this again from my above post...

there is a condition called vaginismus where a woman has difficulty with painful pelvic spasms during sex. Again... this is something for her to talk about with a medical provider, but after you try some other things first.

Talking to a med provider can be a hard thing for some to do. Who wants to go to the doctor and say "im too dry during sex"?. but she also needs to get over any hangups like that. The sooner a young woman takes control of her body by openly talking to an informed medical provider, the more empowered she will be.

If you aren't willing to talk to a med provider, then it isn't as important as pride.

[Toluca_86]

"im so sick of hearing, your not turned on, he is doing his job."

Well if it hurts, then of course you're going to be worried about it hurting next time, which is going to affect your mindset.

Being turned on is not all about whether he is or is not doing "his job". There isn't a set amount of time you're supposed to have foreplay, and then *poof* you're ready, like an easy-bake oven...

Loob is a fine idea. If you're not drinking enough water, if it's a certain time of the month, if you take birth control pills, all of that can result in reduced lubrication...

/But/ pressuring /yourself/ to have sex, when it just doesn't seem to be what your mind and body BOTH want, is a recipe for further problems...

[Toluca_86]

Here is a good page on this issue, though some of it is rendundant:

From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse | Scarleteen

[kp2171]

Also don't forget that things such as hormone levels, improper diet and nutrition, and even "over cleaning" the vagina can cause dryness... so yes, it can be in your head... and there are other issues also..

When in doubt see a provider.