[freakinconfused]

Yeah the point was she wasn't interested and that it shouldn't really matter anyway, right? Just wanted to post an update...

[jolienoire]

Thanks for the update, because I care about you, and I don't want you to get hurt again, you still have open wounds.. and I know I've been there...

[freakinconfused]

I know what you mean. It's just a bummer is all and kind of hurt my feeling some... but this girl is kind of weird anyway. She's already exhibited this kind of behavior once when I first started talking to her... with the whole not calling me back when she said she would thing at first. Ah well, screw her. All I did was be myself, and if she wasn't down with that then it's not worth my time I guess.

[talaniman]

All I did was be myself, and if she wasn't down with that then it's not worth my time I guess.

You guess right!

[freakinconfused]

Haha, where were you Talaniman when I was breakin' up with my girl? I could have used your awesome advice!

[talaniman]

Back in the day, I could have used this site, but the Internet wasn't invented yet, neither was cable, no cell phones... Aw forget it.

[freakinconfused]

Bah. Now she pops up online after 4 days, but says nothing. I don't feel like I should initiate any sort of conversation, as I both texted and left her a voicemail last. If I did say anything, it would be along the lines of "What, you forget to pay your phone bill? :)" which would probably just come off as rude. What a snatch.

[talaniman]

So judgemental. Say hi, be friendly. No female worth her salt is just going to chase you, and she maybe testing you in her own way. What have you got to lose?

[freakinconfused]

So judgemental. Say hi, be friendly. No female worth her salt is just going to chase you, and she maybe testing you in her own way. What have you got to lose?

You are right, and that's just what I did. I ended up saying hey, and she said hey what's up back. I told her I was playing video games, and asked her what she was up to. She said very shortly that she was working on some project. I asked her if everything was OK, as I was getting the vibe she didn't want to talk (I've got this vibe from her before, where her responses would be real short, etc. which makes me think she's lost interest in me, but then other times she will chat away for hours). She said everything was OK but she was very busy (could be true, as she hasn't been online since last Thurs. Also could be the "very busy" excuse that some girls throw out there when they don't want to talk to you anymore.) I told her I understood and I'd leave her to her work. She said all right and have fun playing video games. Then, nothing after that. Who knows! So confusing.

I was hoping she would be more receptive and let me know that she's been MIA for work related reasons. If that were the case, I was MAYBE going to ask her to do something else with me... but again I just got the vibe that she was either preoccupied (although I don't know why you would sign onto AIM if you were THAT busy at work) or just didn't want to talk. Especially after the end of our last date, where she asked if she would see me online.

Again, could have been a test of sorts, but doesn't seem likely. I mean, really. Who ignores a text, a phone call, and doesn't say anything online as a test? If that's a test, that's one hell of a test because it basically screams "I'm not interested." But... she's done this kind of crap before with the whole short responses online thing. Even the day we first met up for coffee she did that to me, and then was like "I'll see you in a bit!" So who knows. I think really the best thing for me to do is just stay off AIM and not talk to her at all, and just move on to someone else. This will either a.) make her wonder what's up and prompt her into action if she really is interested (which doesn't seem likely at this point) or b.) show me for a fact that she's not interested, which with the way she's acting right now makes me feel like she's not.

Have any of you girls out there "tested" a man in this fashion? If so, please let me know, because I've heard of it happening, but it's never happened to me really, so I don't know. Like jolienoire said, if you're really that interested you'll let a man know.

There's the whole saying "actions speak louder than words," which, ever since breaking up with my girlfriend 7 months ago, I've really thought to be true. With this chick, it's a mixed bag. Usually it's me that initiates the convos, but if I don't say anything she will say hey sometimes - and for whatever reason those convos tend to be the best ones because she's fully engaged. Also, even though she has these short and almost blunt/rude IMs sometimes, she will still meet me up for a date - it's happened 3 times now. Then there was the whole taking a week to respond to an email. And then there was the whole taking a month to respond to me after I first "winked" at her on Match. She seems to just sort of "lag" behind everything. When I met her for coffee the first time I brought her a CD to have of some music that I liked. It took her like 2 or 3 weeks to even listen to that.

I know, I know. I just type endlessly, and I'm pretty sure whatever "this" is is dead in the water. BUT, I still like to hear people's responses! I learn a lot from you guys, and I honestly don't mind if they are harsh responses (that's you, confused25) because at least they are straight up!

[talaniman]

I think she was busy or occupied. She may also have more oars in the water besides yours. No way to tell and who cares. Hey more fish in the sea. Don't dwell on it.

[freakinconfused]

Bah. Saw she was active on match.com again tonight. Says active within 3 days - the very day I called and told her I had a good time and wondered if we could do something this week. Ouch. This one's done. Too bad I'll never know if it was my behavior or some other circumstance. If it was some other circumstance, nothing I can do. If it was my behavior, wish I could know so it could be corrected.

[talaniman]

Just me, whenever she is active, I say hello. But then my expectations are not as high, and she wouldn't dominate my world, and I have a lot of other things to do to be occupied by assumptions. Just me though.

[freakinconfused]

Try, try really hard to believe good things will happen, guess what, they just may. :)
Try calling her this weekend and say, I really enjoyed your company the other night, I'm kinda busy, but could take some time out for a cup of coffee if you can make it

Even after no returned call, no returned text, and her being short with me online, and her being active on match.com again after 3 weeks?

[freakinconfused]

Just me, whenever she is active, I say hello. But then my expectations are not as high, and she wouldn't dominate my world, and I have a lot of other things to do to be occupied by assumptions. Just me though.

Wouldn't me saying hi every time I see her online now come across as desperate after she threw out what appears to be a giant rejection in my face?

[talaniman]

Rejection? I see no rejection. Just a volley to your front court. Saying hi, is by no means a dying declaration of love. And that shows you're a positive friendly kind of guy. Nothing more.

[freakinconfused]

Rejection?? I see no rejection. Just a volley to your front court. Saying hi, is by no means a dying declaration of love. And that shows your a positive friendly kind of guy. Nothing more.

Ok, so am I not understanding what you are saying here? You are telling me that I should continue to say hi to a girl that hasn't return my text or call and acts disinterested now? To me, that is a rejection of my desire to see her again. It seems like saying hi would simply come across as "hey, you can treat me however but I'm still here and available." No?

[freakinconfused]

Screw it. I'm just going to ask her if I pissed her off or not. This isn't going anywhere anyway so I'd rather know.

[talaniman]

Don't be frustrated, instead, Leave it alone and work on your patience and self esteem, and confidence. Are you still on match.com? She didn't scare you off from interacting with others, did she? One thing for sure confronting her would be a mistake, when you could just leave her alone. This is not about her, its ALL about you.

[freakinconfused]

She didn't scare me off from interacting with others, and yeah I'm still on match. In fact, just last night another cutie winked at me. I've got to think of what to say first, but I'll definitely be emailing her.

In response to you saying this isn't about her, it's all about me... I get that. And the reason for me asking her isn't so much about her, but more about me attempting to get an outside perspective on myself. If I legitimately offend people without knowing it (which I've been told I sometimes do), be it a girl I'm dating, my mom, my friends, customers at my job, I feel like that would be something about my personality worth correcting. I think that is the root of all of this here. I can only see myself through my eyes. I know I need to be happy with myself, which I am for the most part. However, I know I won't be completely happy with myself at all if I trudge through this world making people upset and angry without being aware I'm doing so. It really is just unacceptable to me to continue this kind of behavior. The problem though is I don't realize I'm doing it.

Maybe I'm wrong, but any normal person would have their feelings hurt if they took someone out, spent money on them, thought they had a great time and good chemistry, and then their date doesn't talk to them for 4 days and doesn't respond to their texts or phone calls for WHATEVER reason. Doesn't matter if their Mom died. Doesn't matter if they got in a car wreck. Doesn't matter if they got swamped at work. Doesn't matter if they didn't feel a connection with you. Any normal person would wonder if maybe it were something they did or not until they received some sort of explanation. And, any normal person would feel compelled to ask. Yes, once the explanation is given, it then can be weighed against their behavior. The difference here is that I simply asked because I'd rather put it out in the open than let my analytical and cyclic thoughts build up in my head.

I get where you're coming from though. You are essentially stating that I shouldn't waste time wondering. Unfortunately that's simply how I work. I'm a very inquisitive person and instinctively analyze things to their fullest. My mind just will not rest until I do so, or get some sort of answer that suffices it.

And no, she isn't the only girl I'm working on. That would be foolish. She is the only one who constantly confounds me with her behavior though. :) She is the only one I've brought to everyone's attention on here, which is why I can see why everyone thinks I'm hung up on this one girl.

[talaniman]

Glad to hear your not hung up, as its way to early. I can only tell you to relax, and enjoy yourself, because your at such a great time in your life. Youth is truly wasted on the young, or so the saying goes. There is no hurry to get hooked up, and the real fun is the getting to know someone, just me.