[nickshehe]

You can read my other posts to get some background information on what my story is..
For the lazy ones: She was head over heals for me, after a rough two weeks she wants a break, 4 days into the break I call her and she dumps me quite cruelly and with no explanation.. I go insane that day.. we fight a lot.. 5 days later I sent her an e-mail telling her that Im not requesting her return or anything and that I realise I have to move on but I love her.. 5 days after that she talks to me on msn(I had unblocked her on the day) - she talked about pointless things, I asked if there was a chance we would get back together.. she said no and made it clear that she stopped caring for me.. I said I hate what you're doing but I have no choice but to move on now..
I didn't block her from msn or anything after that, I just assumed that she wouldn't talk to me since she doesn't care.. I deleted her from msn none the less cause I'd feel tempted to message her then..
And 5 days after that (today) she messages me again.. I was very cool in my replying, she was just asking what I'm doing, and she seemed really abrupt and uninterested in the conversation.. I was being very friendly. I told her I was about to go out in a bit and she said OK bye then, and I said I wasn't going yet I was just waiting for my hair to dry... I asked how her studying was going e.t.c , she continued replying with "sure" "okay" "anw" responses..
Whereas I was more friendly.. then I asked her if she was all right cause she was being really distant somewhat and she said "sure you?" I said yeah I'm fine I was just confused why you're coming off as so uninterested in the conversation when it's you that talked to me in the first place.. and she said it was cause I was about to go out or something.. anyway I disregarded it and I told her that I was leaving and to have fun if she had any plans or whatever and I left...

Anyway I'm not getting my hopes up or anything- I know this isn't a good thing. And I know it shouldn't matter what it is..

But I was wondering what it is exactly that she's trying to do? Is she checking on me to see I'm miserable or something I don't understand..
And how am I supposed to handle this situation.. I don't want to tell her to stop talking to me, I'm never going to initiate a conversation with her - so for as long as she doesn't talk to me first then the longer we go without talking..
I don't want to block her from msn as well because we have mutual friends and she'll know I blocked her.. and I find that kind of immature anyway..

I mean it may well be that after this conversation she'll never talk to me again but I doubt it.. but what happens if every 3-4 days she talks to me do I ignore her or what?
I should probably be asking myself if if bothers me that she talks to me.. and I dno if it does..
I want to be selfish in that I don't want her to have the "best of both worlds".. i.e whenever she's bored she can just talk to me and ill be fine with it.. but then again I don thave it in me to be an a**hole with her because somewhere down the line - whether its important or not , I want her to realise that she made a mistake when she left me, and I want it to haunt her.. I know that's selfish and somewhat immature but I can't help it..
Its not something I think about or something but it would be nice if that was the case...

[nickshehe]

Also I just thought about it.. if this continues, at some point she's either going to get that I never message her first and she'll just give up on me.. or she'll try and get some more control over the situation by asking me "why dont you ever talk to me first?".. to which I don't know what I'll reply...
Uhm.. yeah that's something else to ponder about.. The two times we talked she initiated the conversation but was cold.. so what's her problem? If she doesn't want to talk to me then why is she?

[losingit77]

She's still thinking about you and she wants to make sure you'll still think about her. But she doesn't know what she wants so she's probably just trying to string you along for a little while and by checking in with you every couple of days she can make sure that you still think of her. She's torturing you. Ignore and don't respond to any contact and let her start torturing herself! Then and only then will she realize what she wants.

[jolienoire]

Simple. She wants control she wants you to let her know she is fine with her decision her nonshalant attitude contradicts herself when she is the one calling... don't contact her.. or respond to her she knows you will answer. You can't help it... besides look at how she has you mentally. Every time you move forward she pulls you back... Time to cut the fishing line, and stop allowing her to pull you in only to toss you back... When you feel ready to talk to her and be able to without the emotion then you can.. but for now you are not ready, and I think you answer because you are hoping that she will want you back... Or say let's get back together, instead she makes you even more confused.. Don't let her play games with you... You are allowing her to do so... Has anything good come out of her contacting you? Not according to your post...

[nickshehe]

I spose I could try that.. that would probably get her to stop at some point and if there is an improbable break through and she decides that she wants to get back together with me she'll probably call if she never gets a reply from msn right..

Mmm anyone else have any other ideas?

-thanks for the reply losingit, any more feedback would be appreciated

[losingit77]

From my own experience, I did the same with my ex for a while. I never contacted him but I accepted his weekly phone calls for about a month. They were friendly, lasted about 1/2 hour to an hour each time. Just basically saying, I miss you, how was your week? What've you been up to? etc. I guess it made him feel better but it only made me feel worse and more confused because he wasn't calling to say "i want to get back together". Then I got serious about no contact, and told him I couldn't continue to talk to him. After about 3 weeks he caved and called crying, begging me to take him back. Ha!

Of course, now 9 months later, we've broken up again so it's probably not the best story but not accepting her calls for at least a month or 2 to give yourself time to heal will do you wonders. If during that time, she's dying to get back with you she'll find a way. She won't just give up just because you didn't answer a couple of phone calls/msgs/etc. Remember, its all of you or none of you. She can't choose what parts of the relationship she gets to hold on to.

[Smoked]

I agree with jolie here..

Ok so my opinion, she is messing with your head. This girl wants you to be all strung out on her. She never plans to give you another "real" chance. But rest assured she would probably string you along. At this point she knows she has you pretty wrapped up (or least she thinks she does). Consider her motives when dealing with her. She dumped you abruptly with no explanation. Be proud you can be the bigger man but, no matter what you do, don't allow her the upper hand again. Normally I wouldn't suggest such a hard line tact but I thinks it's the best tact to take with a girl like this.

What I would do?
Easiest piece of advice I could give you when dealing with a girl like this: count your blessings its over and head for the hills. Cut all ties, don't respond when you get a IM, just forget you knew her and start the healing process.

Easier said then done? Sure it is. If you can do it, you will be much happier in the long run. She doesn't have your best interest at heart (or least that is what it seems). The relationship is doomed on all fronts. Give yourself a break and move on.

[talaniman]

Nick, you have been around these threads long enough to know what your next move is and you have given others some darn good advice. So just to shake you out of that tree you have climbed into, and can't get back down from:
Stop taking her calls, and stop worrying what's she is doing, and who she is doing it with, and why she's doing it. All of that is irrelevant, and means nothing in your life. End the confusion by cutting all contact whatsoever. It took a while before I understood, when you get DUMPED, get gone.

[talaniman]

What you need to do is put it in your head that it's over..

You won't die without her, realizing that is a good step to becoming your own man.

The most attractive thing in a guy is if he has his own life

I found that out the hard way after I sacrificed everything for a girl who just gave up on me.
Pick yourself up man

Just thought I would refresh what you have told others, to remind you of where you came from, sometimes we alredy know what we have to do, it's a matter of doing it. You know what you have to do?! Now get your arse out of that tree!!

[nickshehe]

Thanks for all your replies..
I guess I'd be lying to myself if I said this wasn't somewhat of a set back,it's not that it made me hopeful (it didn't) it just made me angry at her again and I realized that last night after a few drinks..
I just didn't consider what I was doing wrong because I didn't come off as needing her or anything I was very casual with her talking to me like I didn't care.. but she probably knows I do so I'll just stop replying.. thanks again guys

[talaniman]

Don't be too hard on yourself, as its so natural to revisit old feelings and dreams when they come up. You actually handled yourself well, but you know the rules here, we can't let you dwell to long, or sit on a pity pot. Not that you were doing either. I still would cut down her availability to you.

[ZigZag07]

I think you made a good choice...

I think getting over her (as hard as that may be) is a good idea.
You deserve better...
And its HER loss...

[nickshehe]

Hah.. you brought up an old thread ;]
Appreciate the advice but its been a month since then.. I'm making progress - worry not.
Thanks anyway