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chris28 · Mar 27, 2008, 05:42 AM

Hey All,

Soooo its been over a month since I posted on here and figured I would just give a quick update and get yelled out a bit lol... So it's been about 6 months since me and my ex have split up... Quick over view she broke up with me for differences and other things as well.. Throughout the 6 months we talked a few times tried to keep somewhat in touch then decided to go no contact, the NC seemed to work but there was always something that gave us a reason to talk either she found out something about me and called me to ask or talk about it or I found out something about her and I called her this happened a few times and we started to talk and be friendly wich evently ended and we didn't talk for weeks... Recently we were brought 2gethor again because she had a surgery and I called her and we began talking again she wanted me to visit her and I did I helped her through the operation and spent time with her while she was recovering... When we talk and hang out everything is great and better then it ever was . Sometime people asks her what's going on with u 2 and she says were only friends and that's it she keeps telling me how I'm single and I should do what I want and so on... And she's single also... Lately she calls me a lot more then normal and we talk anywhere from 10 minutes to a hour or so... The conversation is great as long as its not referring to our relationship. If the conversation turns then we talk for a little bit and its all good then she kinds gets annoyed and wants to end the conversation she hangs up and winds up calling me back in a few minutes...

She tells me how she wants to experience different things different people and so on. Since we broke up I have been dating on and off but nothing serious this past weekend I had a small date and she happened to see my text mssgs and found out were I was going and sent her friend to spy... I found this out cause her friend told me after the fact... I didn't talk about it with her since she didn't mention it... Her friend told her that were both single and I wasn't doing anything wrong and she said your right I no... Personally Im not sure why she even had her go there in the first place if that's the case...

I guess my point is that I just don't understand wgars going through her head or the way she thinks cause she's contacting me a lot more then normal when we talk like normal meaning as friends everything is fine... as long as we don't talk about us me and her... She loves my company at least that's the impression I'm getting... She does say were never getting back... Her friend told me she told her many times she should get back with me and her answer is that she wants to try different things and experience new people buts its been 6 months and she hasn't done anything yet per her best friend who has been nothing but honest with me... She told me a lot of things I didn't want to hear and she said that guys goo up to her all the time she might dance and all but when it comes down to it she doesn't do anything with them or nothing comes from it...

So I like spending the time with her I will admit I do still have feeling and I don't really think she feels the same way... Could she just be lonely? Maybee lacking a little confidence now?? Is she just comfortable with me?? I don't no... I like staying with her I just don't want to set myself up for hurt... 6 months I figured id be not talking about this no more..

jolienoire · Mar 27, 2008, 06:07 AM

Quick reply she is keeping you around!

(the EX) Why not you're a great guy, "lets be friends" in case I go no where with the other guys, Remember we have something special.. Just let me date and if that doesn't work out I will always have you my dear friend.. I will just call you and see what you are doing in your life, I want to see other people, but you can't. How can you do this to me go on a date with another woman... I thought we were friends...

Do you see where I am going with this? This is what I gathered from your post...

What is this doing to you? Instead of you moving forwards your going backwards right back to square one.. I know you love her and want to be there for her, but don't give her all the control you are giving her.. She is acting selfishly, and you are allowing it because you love her... "friends" are okay but in order for you to have a real friendship you have to get over her, because while you are "hanging out with her" you thing there is something more when there is not..

talaniman · Mar 27, 2008, 06:16 AM

6 months I figured id be not talking about this no more..

You wouldn't be except your still talking to her. Hard to get over someone and move on when your still having those feelings stirred up. She has nothing else going on, so you still command her attention, but not the way you want. Trust me, if someone of interest comes along, she will contact you a lot less. So while you may have her ear for now, its only until she finds someone else. So while your wondering about her, and her thinking, examine your own, and if false hope for what was, is at the bottom of all this, and not true friendship, leave her alone. Which is it to be? Your call.

chris28 · Mar 27, 2008, 06:29 AM

Originally Posted by jolienoire

quick reply she is keeping you around!

(the EX)
What is this doing to you? Instead of you moving forwards your going backwards right back to square one.. I know you love her and want to be there for her, but don't give her all the control you are giving her.. She is acting selfishly, and you are allowing it because you love her... "friends" are okay but in order for you to have a real friendship you have to get over her, because while you are "hanging out with her" you thing there is something more when there is not..

Yea my feeling are def strong I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this... But I think I am going to start by being less available and making that obvious and going from there... Im sure if she finds a guy she's interested my time would most likely be over and I probably wouldn't be to happy after that... I get your point.

talaniman · Mar 27, 2008, 08:09 AM

Sometimes we have to realise we can't always depend on others to give us what we need to be happy. That's why its so important to realise how futile it is, to put that responsibility in the hands of another, instead of taking it on ourselves, to do what we feel is right for us. Why give her all the power, and decision making, about a relationship, and just go along with what she decides? Think for yourself, and about what you want, and need, and less about what her interests will be. Not only will you be a lot less confused by this female, you will be more willing, to take a course of action, to serve your own needs. That's what real men do, so leave that happy puppy stuff, on her front porch, and do for yourself.