[CandyApple87]

Ok guys I really need your help on this one. Me and my guy have been together for about 2 years and we've been living together for about 8 months. Evem though were both young and healthy we only have sex about once every three months! OMG! Im am only 20 years old and he's 23 and we don't have sex anymore. I have a high sex drive so I always come on to my boyfriend first and he always turns me away form him. Then I feel stupid for even wanting sex from him. I know my "Va-jay-jay" is awesome so It can't be because it doesn't feel good! For the first 6-7 months sex was great,even though we only did it about 3-4 times a week I really enjoyed it. But now we only have sex about once every 2-3 months. I don't think he's cheating on me but one will never know. He's really popular on our college campus so he gets attention from other girls, but he does not show them any attention back, well at least not in fort of me. Now I go to bed all hot and bothered every night and I'm going crazy! I don't know what to do... help!

[southerngalps]

Ummm... Im a girl and when I was 20 I never wanted it and my boyfriend who was the same age wanted it all the time... that was six years ago and I was a major pothead... I smoked every day... now I don't smoke pot and my sex drive is through the roof... I'm also with a different guy now, that's why I don't smoke the pot anymore... maybe you guys are in the same situation... saw your headline and thought the VA JAY JAY part was funny... and thought I would check it out... hope it helps!!

[Toluca_86]

Have you tried asking him how he feels, and what he thinks has caused this lack of sex drive?

I mean, 3-4 times a week to once every 2-3 months is a pretty significant difference. I could suggest things: he's cheating, he's gay, he's depressed, he'd addicted to porn, etc.

But really, the only way to know is to get him to tell you. And... if either he won't tell you, or the problem is something you two can't work out -and the lack of sex is a deal-breaker for you, break up with him... No shame in that.

[kp2171]

Toluca's post is spot on right.

If you can't talk openly and honestly about sex... at some point its going to turn south. Even great sexual relationships need attention. We get into ruts. We get in our own way. It takes work. And talking about sex is really, really key.

Lots of reasons libido can crash. Stress. Sickness. Depression. High blood pressure. Drugs. Meds. Not to mention that some of the charge of a new relationship is the chase. You don't know how the other person smells, tastes, how they are in bed, their likes... and once you are together for a time, that element is gone.

I've been with my partner nearly ten years. I know her head to toe. I know her patterns, her "moves", what shell do and what she won't. The mystery is mostly removed. That doesn't mean its bad... it just takes a different approach. Since there is less emotional tension (the what does she look like naked kind of stuff) we work on building sensual tension. Most of the time, before we have sex, I have my hands all over my partner, some massage, some just tracing with my fingers. It gives her time to relax, it gives her body time to adjust, her skin becomes more sensitive and aware, and she is more mentally ready... not to mention my skin against hers primes me as well.

But... that's more about both partner trying to get connected. You are saying he just doesn't seem interested.

OK... some personal questions.

Is he stressed or worked hard? Fatigue an issue? Does he get enough sleep or does he go out a lot at night?

Is he a giving lover? What's the pattern? Meaning does he get you off first? Does he seem to be about himself? Is he willing to go down on you? If so, has it been successful? Does it take a long time?

When you started having sex was there a time he seemed to favor? Night versus morning? Does your bed allow you the privacy needed to enjoy sex without worrying about roommates or neighbors hearing?

As mentioned before, lots of things can impact libido.

Also as mentioned, I think sexual compatibility is something you need to address and come to peace with. Today is my 8th year anniversary. I have a good relationship, but I can tell you that if I was sexually neglectful of my partners needs, wed be having some serious discussions. When one partner chooses to ignore the mental and physical connections that are forged through a healthy sex life it is a real problem.

Its one thing to be incapable or unable to engage in sex for a number of reasons... but when you willingly choose to disengage, its personal.

My wife wouldn't put up with it. I think you need more than this, especially at your age. A great guy who neglect you might not be worth it. Or might. Your body, your choice.

Respond to some of the questions and maybe we can see if there's anything telling.

[Choux]

Why did he say he doesn't want to have sex regularly?

I get a vibe that you still have rose colored glasses on when you are looking at the reality of your relationship. Have you been ignoring negative signals from him because you don't want to deal with it?

It is time for you to make this relationship permanent, as in get married, or move on, girl. If you can't get an understanding of this problem in a week with a couples counsellor, move on. Most likely, he has another girlfriend.

[smoothy]

Hell, I'm 47 and been married to the same woman the last 17 year of that, I'm crawling the walls if I have to go more than 2 days without it. Something is going on, be it medical or mental, or drug related. But this is not normal behavior for a 20 something guy.

[giani513]

Do you do the same old thing every time? If so, spice it up!

[sasachel]

Ok guys I really need your help on this one. Me and my guy have been together for about 2 years and we've been living together for about 8 months. Evem though were both young and healthy we only have sex about once every three months!! OMG! Im am only 20 years old and he's 23 and we dont have sex anymore. I have a high sex drive so I always come on to my boyfriend first and he always turns me away form him. Then i feel stupid for even wanting sex from him. I know my "Va-jay-jay" is awesome so It can't be because it dosent feel good! For the first 6-7 months sex was great,even though we only did it about 3-4 times a week I really enjoyed it. but now we only have sex about once every 2-3 months. I dont think he's cheating on me but one will never know. He's really popular on our college campus so he gets attention from other girls, but he does not show them any attention back, well at least not in fort of me. Now I go to bed all hot and bothered everynight and im going crazy! I dont know what to do.....help!

Girl, try on putting the sexiest outfit you can get and seduce him. And if that doesn't work then it's deffinetly him. It's weird and I don't understand why but some people just don't have any sex drive. Or if you're boyfriend has been really stressed or depressed that can make someone's sex-drive downfall. And sex is a major part of relationships. You can't be in love or have a good relationship without intamacy. You need to talk to your man and tell him how you feel. Because without sex and communication you can't have a healthy relationship.

[Marriedguy]

@ Candyapple87, I normally do not answer posts when users post great advice unless I think that I can add something that was not there. In this case I think everyone hit it on the head here.

3 months is not health by anyone standards so it's definitely an underlining issue here.

What could be anyone guess you are in the best position to get this information.

Please don't think that is you. The majority of men will not turn down sex with there partner. If guys were able to have sex as many times they wanted the world would come to a complete stop.

Sex is very important part of the relationship and the best way to have more great sex is to communicate with your boyfriend.

Ask him what's up? “<insert pet name here> why do you get at me like you used to?” Hopefully, he doesn't get defensive and answers you honestly.

Take these answers in see if you can make an adjustment.

Could be that your boyfriend has a health issues.

If he does he has to be willing to get help and try to correct it.

You may be forced to make the decision to stay and accept once every three months or leave.

[CandyApple87]

Thanks for the answers guys... its getting better but still not as much as id like.

[O_Troubles]

What to eat for a better sex life - Forbes.com - MSNBC.com slip him food that make him horny! _dont hate me