[talaniman]

Try with doing small adjustments, as major changes are time consuming. Believe it or not after 30 years, with the same female, she still can't read my mind!! And you say I need help? Jeez, the gall, of it all. I find it very useful to have a space, and time just for me, as we can all be frustrated at the smallest things. Backing off, and taking a break, changes the focus, and helps lower frustrations a bit, and we can come at things with a fresh mind, and approach. But heck, these females will drive you nuts, and never know they're doing it. Thanks Confused for the kind words, as nobody gets mad at me, do they? Can't see why.

[Tiger30]

Okay, well I think I left off with this day was a good day so far. She actually kissed me and said she loved me. Then went to work. I've been at work(evening shift) just got home little bit ago. I was going to go over to a friends house but he was tired and canceled. My girlfriend is at her friends party and I called her to see what was up, you know because I wanted to go out. Well, she didn't answer. So I'm staying home... no big deal, we need to get up tomorrow and get carpeting... well, I do anyway, it's my house. But I did text her earlier tonight while I was at work to let her know I left her a voice mail. In the voice mail I said something similar to

" Hey baby it's me, umm.. my sisters and bro-inlaws are going out for dinner 2morrow night and and invited us...also we may stop for a couple of drinks afterwards if we can make it they said it would be great...I just wanted to let you know in advance...luv u tlk2yal8r."

Then I texted her about 10 minutes after that to let her know that I sent her a voice mail and that I was going over to a friends house after work... I told her to have a good time and ended it with

Luv u

Her reply was this, now forgive me for taking up all your time with her reply, but it's crazy how much thought she put into it. Anyway, her reply went like this. "K"

This is what I'm dealing with. On one hand I'm thinking, I'm nuts for being upset about her saying K. But on the other hand I feel I know exactly what she's trying to say. On one hand I think she's done already and waiting for me to break up with her. I think she's playing this out so we can have an OK time on the Cruise, then after that she'l be full blown OUT. I have other thoughts too... more positive ones.

Like, This is just a birthday party, she's out with her gf's and she doesn't have time to talk on the phone, her phone is probably in her purse and she doesn't even know I called. Plus since I left her a message before, she knows I'm over at a friends anyway. I'm not at a friends, because he got tired and canceled so now I'm at home. But she doesn't know that because she didn't answer my call. And I've called her 2 times today, once to leave a message and once to talk for a second but she didn't answer. The other contact I made was texting her to let her know I left her a voice mail. She has replied to my text by saying "k". That's it.

Anyhow I'm trying not to be negative but to let some of you know exactly what I'm thinking now here are some of my thoughts. I can picture other guys there making her laugh... possibly even dancing with her. I normally trust her enough to let her dance with other guys if I know the guy, or know he's cool. I don't really like this but I had nothing to worry about then. Now I feel like I do. I'm home all day by myself. I go to work around 3 pm until 11 30pm. Much of the time at work, lately I have been constantly wondering what she's doing and why she doesn't care to call me and simply say Hi, how are you? ANYTHING!! She may be depressed and all, but I guarantee you she's out smiling right now! And I'm sick as hell to my stomach.

Now I'm just wondering how she'll be when she gets home. My guess is she'll get ready for bed and pass out. Or, she may not even come home. I seriously need some help because I really don't have anyone to talk to... that I want to talk to at least. I'm close with my family but I won't mention a thing to them at all about this.

I have so many thoughts racing through my mind that I'm DIZZY! It's worse than watching nascar drunk I swear!

I can't eat, or sleep. I don't know what to do.

[Tiger30]

Oh boy. Here I am now. 3am. She's home. And now I feel good again. I'l go into more detail tomorrow, but no it's nothing like what your thinking, but it's good. You guys have helped calm me and made me more focused on myself.

Thanks!

[confused25]

I wish I could offer some detailed advice but I'm in a real hurry. So at the moment I just wanted to let you know to hang in there. I really do understand that want your girlfriend to show more affection and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. However, continue on this current path. Don't put any pressure on her and just make her feel good without going overboard. Just a nice compliment and kiss here and there. Also, don't get discouraged if you don't get the results you want right away. One other thing, have you asked her friends how she acts when she goes out? It might be a good idea to ask them "I'm worried about so and so because of the medication she is on, do you guys notice anything different?" Good luck and hang in there.

[talaniman]

Relax guy, You think too much, when your alone. Am I starting to see signs that your life is not as balanced as it could be? Got any hobbies. Or interests, or even a TV show, or video games? What do you normally do with your alone time? Usually when people put too much time into thinking of what someone else, may or may not, be doing it indicates, a certain amount of insecurity, as you seem to go from positive, to negative to easily. That's why I asked how you entertain yourself?

[Tiger30]

Thanks again for your advice. I actually talked to a friend last night that has known her for about 5 years. He was friends with her ex, I just told him things were getting difficult with her and I and I wanted to talk with him about it. Now, he has a busy schedule and all that as do I. My weekend plans fill up so fast because of my evenings being occupied at work. Anyway he said he'll talk with me about it. Possibly next week or something. I don't want to talk with him forever about it, I just want to know a few things. I know a couple things I should ask him, like... have you noticed her depressed lately, have you notice her keep to herself for periods... etc. Anything else I should ask?

By the way, it's weird this roller-coaster ride I'm on. I felt good yesterday morning. Last night had negative thoughts felt insecure and stuff... sick to my stomach. Then she gets home and we actually had a discussion about 2 of her friends possibly breaking up and she's trying to help them through it. She really cares for them both and it's obviously upsetting her. I think she was involved in separate conversations with the 2 so she is trying to be there for both of them. She also had been drinking a bit and got emotional, she actually cried. For some reason I felt better about us during our conversation and after. Not because other people are going through rough times, but because she opened up to me about it. We talked about it for at least a half-hour. And I tried to just let her talk but would hit on certain points and let her take it from there. She needed to get it out. Not once did we talk about us, but for the first time in awhile I felt like everything was starting to fall back in to place. I know this is a rather crazy roll-coaster ride so I'm still preparing myself for anything, and I hope I handle situations better... I just need to relax like I've tried to be doing.

In a small way I feel like I'm being selfish on here because all I talk about is her and I. But I know I need to do this for her and myself. Thanks for your help guys. I hope I can continue to think more positively and SPEAK more positively as well. Although, I do think I'm a very positive guy... you guys have helped me realize I'm not at times when I need to be.

I hope you all have a great weekend and I'l update this later on or maybe tomorrow.

Thanks again!

[Tiger30]

TALINIMAN Relax guy, You think too much, when your alone.

You. Are. Right. I've been told many times that I over analyze. I've always been a deep thinker. But when I'm alone sometimes the thoughts get too deep if you know what I mean. That negative garbage comes out. I do need to chill though.


Oh okay, well yes I do have hobbies. I'm a huge sports fan. I love Football, Baseball, and College Basketball, and sometimes I watch Nascar. I work out and run during the day... maybe do some laundry. Basically run errands... then I go to work. She gets off work around 3, 4, 5, or 6 usually. Depends on the day. By 3 I'm at work. So when I don't receive calls from her it begins to bother me. I told her, just text sometimes just to say hi or something. Anyway, other hobbies... umm... I like to read internet a lot. I am a sponge. I don't think I used to be but for that last several years I've tried to keep up with what's going on in the world. Lately I've slacked off in that department because of obvious reasons. But I'm mainly on sports websites. If I want to go out with friends Saturday is the day usually. Friday I'm usually home too late to get started. Most my friends don't go out on Sunday. Of course her and I like to watch movies but we are both sick of winter and movies lately... mostly her though. It seems I start to worry or think negatively when she is free to roam while I'm at work. I never used to be this way at all. And I used to keep my thoughts and emotions to myself... several years ago. But I found out that's not the way to be. And I love problem solving. I didn't really know this of myself until the past few years. But I love finding out the "why's" or the "reasons" of certain dilemmas or situations. I think/thought that I'm so smart that I can outsmart all of this and make it better all by myself. Pretty stupid of me huh! Lol I guess I was a bit naïve to think that. But I don't have to make this so complicated either. Like someone said, the concept is easy, the doing is what's tough. Or something like that. I feel I know what I need to do and that actually relaxes me, just knowing that. I already knew to be this way but it took talking on here to bring it to my attention... another scotoma I guess? I think it helps when I'm starting to get positive vibes again from my girlfriend, you know? I can still know more and work on myself more and just be there for her and that's the best I can probably do for now though. I just don't need to force things.

Oh, I also love playing sports but haven't in a long time. I think you're right. I might need to find a tad more me time and go do something I enjoy away from the house. The weather's getting nicer, I need to hoop-it-up. I also like playing golf, but didn't do that at all last year. I need to do that more this summer.

Thanks guys, I'l update l8r on

Have a good1!

[confused25]

Definitely keep us up-to-date. We are here when you need advice and a place to vent.

[Tiger30]

Hi guys! Everything has been doing OK lately. Hope everything has been good for you. She still doesn't like to get close to me and if we hug it's because I initiated it. So there hasn't been a lot of that. She seems happy when she's with other people though. Which, I'm glad for but it does make me wonder why she can't be the same way around me. I have older sisters and I understand the importance of a 50/50 relationship. She has the attitude that it better be 50/50 or else. Right now it feels about 40/60 and sometimes 30/70. I think trying to love her more is something I naturally want to do to bring her out of her funk, so trying to be patient is very, very tough. I understand couples argue or at times do not talk particularly nice and usually with us it's not a big deal. I can take it, and I dish it as well, but try not to. It just seems to me that if she loves me, which I know she does then why wouldn't she want to show me. I told her sex doesn't matter. So, I probably should have went into more depth with that one. Of course we have cuddled a time or two for maybe 10 minutes but that's about it. I was happy with that and one of the times I was progressing. Thus leading to her saying "I though sex didn't matter?" I didn't want to argue and was surprised she was hateful with me. So we just went to sleep. But see, I was the one who initiated the cuddling. I'l say very nicely come here baby while we're laying there... so she can roll over and lay with her man. But she always insists I go cuddle with her. She does not treat me like a man. It's very tough at times to treat her like a lady but I try. I know I can do better but with the feelings I have it's just very tough. I can understand no sex if she shows she loves me otherwise. She's not showing she loves me otherwise enough. I think she's afraid it will lead to sex. But if I'm not getting sex, and I'm not getting other love, it makes very frustrated when she talks negatively towards me. She said something, I asked her another question, and then she raised her voice to me as if DUH. But it was negative towards me. I understand those things happen from time to time. But I have a hard time allowing her to cope how she is while not showing she loves me AND talking this way. It's very difficult to sit with her and talk over things. Question...

Tonight I'm home early from work. I'm always gone during the evenings. She's out with her friends and that is perfectly fine. I did kind of get my hopes up and thought when I got home I'd ask her if she wanted to go out to eat or something. She was home and I called her. She's out with the routine people she goes out with and a few others. She was happy on the phone at dinner... which is good but I kind of feel left out... I hate my shift, anyway she said well if you want we are going out after this if you want to come out. I said I don't know, I don't want to intrude. She said well do you want me to call you after we're done eating. Sure that will be fine.

I feel like I'm inviting myself. I feel like I'm chasing her. I think with the situation flipped she wouldn't come out to meet me.

I just want some opinions, but should I meet her, or should I not? I have to know soon because she will probably be calling me.

Thanks!

[Tiger30]

Hi guys! Everything has been doing OK lately. Hope everything has been good for you. She still doesn't like to get close to me and if we hug it's because I initiated it. So there hasn't been a lot of that. She seems happy when she's with other people though. Which, I'm glad for but it does make me wonder why she can't be the same way around me. I have older sisters and I understand the importance of a 50/50 relationship. She has the attitude that it better be 50/50 or else. Right now it feels about 40/60 and sometimes 30/70. I think trying to love her more is something I naturally want to do to bring her out of her funk, so trying to be patient is very, very tough. I understand couples argue or at times do not talk particularly nice and usually with us it's not a big deal. I can take it, and I dish it as well, but try not to. It just seems to me that if she loves me, which I know she does then why wouldn't she want to show me. I told her sex doesn't matter. So, I probably should have went into more depth with that one. Of course we have cuddled a time or two for maybe 10 minutes but that's about it. I was happy with that and one of the times I was progressing. Thus leading to her saying "I though sex didn't matter?" I didn't want to argue and was surprised she was hateful with me. So we just went to sleep. But see, I was the one who initiated the cuddling. I'l say very nicely come here baby while we're laying there... so she can roll over and lay with her man. But she always insists I go cuddle with her. She does not treat me like a man. It's very tough at times to treat her like a lady but I try. I know I can do better but with the feelings I have it's just very tough. I can understand no sex if she shows she loves me otherwise. She's not showing she loves me otherwise enough. I think she's afraid it will lead to sex. But if I'm not getting sex, and I'm not getting other love, it makes very frustrated when she talks negatively towards me. She said something, I asked her another question, and then she raised her voice to me as if DUH. But it was negative towards me. I understand those things happen from time to time. But I have a hard time allowing her to cope how she is while not showing she loves me AND talking this way. It's very difficult to sit with her and talk over things. Question...

Tonight I'm home early from work. I'm always gone during the evenings. She's out with her friends and that is perfectly fine. I did kind of get my hopes up and thought when I got home I'd ask her if she wanted to go out to eat or something. She was home and I called her. She's out with the routine people she goes out with and a few others. She was happy on the phone at dinner... which is good but I kind of feel left out... I hate my shift, anyway she said well if you want we are going out after this if you want to come out. I said I don't know, I don't want to intrude. She said well do you want me to call you after we're done eating. Sure that will be fine.

I feel like I'm inviting myself. I feel like I'm chasing her. I think with the situation flipped she wouldn't come out to meet me.

I just want some opinions, but should I meet her, or should I not? I have to know soon because she will probably be calling me.

Thanks!

[COOKIE MONSTER]

Why not go and join in and spend time with her and her friends she asked you if you wanted to go,so go and see how she treats you while your out

How old are both of you??

[Tiger30]

29 and 27 You can also read my "story" at title... "She's confused, and now so am I."

Thanks!

[COOKIE MONSTER]

You both need to start talking about stuff its not good not talking.and why no sex?? if you don't mind me asking

[Tiger30]

Also, just to note: We've cuddled a couple times since last week. Not overall. And her friends have older guy friends that they work with and buy them drinks and all that. And I don't know those guys. I know her friends but not the dudes that have been hanging out with them lately. One is like 50 and the other 2 are younger... 30's I think. So, if I feel how I do already, and then I get weird vibes from those other guys... then every time she goes out with her "group" then I'll know what's going on, and I don't know if I want to know. But I also know that it's part of my paranoia and that I overreact to little things. But, there is a reason that I'm doing that, and I'm not 2 years old. She has changed over the past 2 months or so and I've tried loving her more, even doing more (around my own house). Doing her laundry, doing this doing that. I show her I love her. I just don't get it back. It's a scary situation. But I have to balance Heart and Mind... and all the other stuff I'm experiencing. I just feel helpless.

Thanks for listening.

[Tiger30]

Please read the thread "She's confused, and now so am I". You will understand quite a bit more. Well, don't read the entire thread... just the first post will do.

Thank You!

[COOKIE MONSTER]

Well I can't find you storey,you'll have to add alink

But she wouldn't of invited you if she didn't want you their.and I no your not 2 I was just saying go and join in,uno id love to go out with myboyfriend and his mates but its hard to get ababysitter but if I had 1 I would believe me,I want to be included in all that.you need to get to no her friend yeah you have reasons for being the way you are,I no about the weird vibes but you have to let that go that was in the past and this is your future you should go and show her that your willing to make an effort to be friends with her friends

[talaniman]

The bad part about over thinking, is the reactions you give. If this situation is causing you not to be happy and react that way, you will unintentionally affect everyone your around the same way. Back off and stop trying so hard and redirect your energy toward doing things that are making you happy, without her. We all have to keep a balance, that prevents us from putting responsibility for how we feel, in someone else's hands. You expect her to make you feel good, like a man. What a disappointment when she doesn't. Focus on you feeling like a man, and she will know what to do to share it with you. Do you understand the concept, its about learning to love yourself, before you ask someone to love you.

[talaniman]

Click on his name, and go to public profile, and then click on questions by the poster, and you will see All of his threads.

[talaniman]

Its all about you, and your own actions, or lack thereof.

[confused25]

You know, I have a very good friend who was in a relationship a while back with a pretty awesome girl. She was very sweet and treated him very well. Unfortunately she had some emotional baggage (father and mother problems) and on top of that it was her first real relationship. After about half a year he started questioning the relationship. He wasn't sure what he wanted, he didn't like the emotional baggage, and he didn't like the idea that it was her first real relationship. *Hang in there, my story has a point*

He constantly came to me for advice basically asking me "Should I stay, or should I go?" It was very clear to me that when he asked me for advice he was heavily leaning towards leaving and he wanted me to tell him to break up with her. He would constantly tell me what was wrong with the relationship and a lot of times I felt like he was blowing things out of proportion (her emotional baggage really wasn't that bad). It was pretty clear that he had already made a decision, he just needed someone to agree with him. The only thing holding him back, it seemed, was that he was afraid of making a mistake.

I really wanted to tell him to hang onto the relationship because in my mind he was making a mistake; she was great for him. However, every time he asked me I would tell him "I'm sorry, I can't tell you what to do, this is a decision you have to make." If I told him to stay I knew that he would later begin contemplating the decision again, even if things got better. I knew I could convince him to stay with her, but a man convinced against his will is not convinced. We would have returned to the same situation a few months later. On the other hand if I told him to leave her, he would have liked the support but then later on he might have wondered what if he had gotten different advice or taken more time to contemplate things. In the end he was really torn and under a lot of pain, but he decided to end the relationship.

To this day I still think he made a mistake (its been about 2 years). However, he was and is happy with his decision. There are times he still thinks about her, in fact he even has some regret every now and then, but he is comfortable with the choice he made. Now, what I'm trying to get at is that we cannot tell you to stay or leave this person. From what you write and the tone in your posts it sounds like you really want to leave the relationship because you are not getting what you want. All I can say is that if you are not happy than you need to do what makes you happy, regardless of the choice.