[mattman5170]

Hi Everyone,

My girlfriend (20) and I (24) have been dating for two years now. Our relationship used to be perfect. A while back, I went away to Europe for a month. While I was gone, my girlfriend became really good “friends” with this guy who I don’t like at all and started hanging out with all the time. I normally don’t have a problem with my girlfriend hanging out with other guys; she has few guy friends. This guy friend in particular doesn't’t like me and made it well known that he is madly in love with my girlfriend and will try anything to get her affection. Well I made it clear to her that I don’t like this guy and was not thrilled that she was hanging out with him all the time but all the same I told her I can’t control who she is friends with. After I got back I’ve noticed a big change on how she treats me. First thing I noticed was she seemed kind of distant. Second, our physical relationship became non-existent. Third, I’ve noticed that she treats this particular friend differently than all of her other friends. They both call each other all the time and go places together by themselves. He comes over all the time to her house and she goes over to his house all the time by herself. He does things for her like gives her rides and fixes her car. Basically it’s like he is her second boyfriend. Since I’ve been back, we have had numerous arguments about this guy and her relationship with him. She insists that they are only good friends.

Anyway I have told her how I felt about this guy and told her that she has not been the same person since I’ve been back. She realizes this and tells me that she is confused and needs to be alone. So I have backed off a little, but it bothers me that she still insists on hanging out with this guy even though she knows I can’t stand him. We have talked about taking a break but never have gone through with it. She says she loves me and that she has never been in a relationship with anyone else like me, and I told her I feel the same way. We both want to work things out, and when things seem to be getting better this jerk butts in and we get into another argument. Each time we argue it puts more strain on the relationship.

With her and this guy, it’s almost like she has another emotional relationship going on the side. I say emotional because she does not have a history of cheating on her ex-boyfriends. She says she loves me but then spends all this time with this other guy.

She says she’s confused, but I am confused as well. I want to get things back to the way they were before I left. I don’t want to break up but am coming to the conclusion that there are not many options left.

I need a fresh view! What should I do?

Thanks,
Matt

[travman514]

Well your in a pickle aren't you?I suppose its up to you. Are you willing to put up with this "friend" or are you ready to give the both of them the boot? You can approach this from a couple of different angles.. the first
Take a close look at the current relationship the way it is right now... analyze wheather or not you are satisfied by the current setup and go with that. From what you say I can tell you are pretty much not happy at all.. she is not intimate with you and she is a distant shell of her former self.that said you are going to have to have a serious talk with her .if you are not happy tell her so and tell her exactly what it is that is making you unhappy. You may need to give her an ultimatum if you feel strongly enough about it.if she is not willing to change things then you will have bring in to question how much she really cares about you.

The second way to approach this is to accept the situation .ok sounds like she is with the other guy so now what do I do? Do I spy on her ?find out for sure if she is cheating ,and decide wheather or not I am willing to take a chance at losing her. Are you?if you are(sounds like your already losing her anyway). You may have to tell her that you know she is cheating on you(if ,in fact, you find out she IS).let her know that you don't want this to continue the way it is so you are going to let her go and figure out WHO she actually wants to be with.and tell her you will be there for her whaen she figures it out.you never know. She may go to that other guy and tell him you guys are now broken up... the excitement the guy feels from cheating behind your back will drain and in a couple of weeks he will dump her.. unless of course they are in love and if that is the case you would have lost her anyway and at least it was on YOUR terms.

A third and last way to approach this is that maybe... just maybe something serious is going on in her life that you do not know about and she is seeking solice from someone.maybe she is not doing what you think she is?maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable talking to you for whatever reason.maybe someone in her family died,was hurt,or are causing problems for her.maybe she is pregnant and doesn't know what to do? look I'm not trying to plant things in you head here and make you freak out but so many things could be the cause of this that "the obvious" may not be so "obvious" after all.you should approach with caution no matter which way you approach this problem.

Its all up to you in the end.you can sit back and let things run its course for better or worse , or figure out what is going on and go with it from there... I hope I was helpful

[Saintas]

Well , travman has give here an comprehensive answer . Something tells me that is bad news for you . This is no more a relationship . I can't define what it is but something's very wrong here. You really must investigate deeply .