[Alty]

Scott- Great answer!

I think that as long as you are honest about your past experiences you'll be fine. I know that you will find that special someone, and oh what a lucky girl she is. Give yourself some time to heal after the breakup, good things come along when you least expect it. Good luck to you and have fun, you're only young once.

[Anarchy42]

Quick question. I have seen a lot of these threads where people are confused about what constitutes virginity. I was just wondering what most of you thought about oral sex. If you have had oral sex but not intercourse, are you still considered a virgin?

Ah, I remember when I lost my virginity.. . And realized that the word doesn't really mean anything. A little disappointing that.

[smoothy]

I look at it this way, Is it sex or not?


Here is a good way to look at it. Assume the party involved is your husband or wife, or if you aren't married your boyfriend or girlfriend.

If its not sex you would have no problem with them doing it with others... and if by those guidelines its sex, then how can you have sex and still claim to be a virgin.

Some people will argue its not sex if they do it... but let their partner do it and they freak out.

Losing your virginity happens only once. Wouldn't it be nice if its something you can fondly remember, rather than something you wish to forget?

[ScottGem]

Here is a good way to look at it. Assume the party involved is your husband or wife, or if you aren't married your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Sorry but that analogy doesn't work. The question is not whether the person was sexually intimate, the question is whether there was penile pentration.

[smoothy]

Sorry but that analogy doesn't work. The question is not whether the person was sexually intimate, the question is whether there was penile pentration.

That's only an issue for those that wish to parse words.

The definition of both virgin and the word coitus was defined earlier in the thread. Its pretty clear to most of us that respect the meaning and intent of the term. Those who wish to have it both ways will never agree. And trying to make them is an exercise in futility.

That analogy is used because people who commonly state a belief change their minds when others they are close to want to use the same justification.

How many guys that feel its fine to fool around would freak out if their wives did it to them as an example.

[ScottGem]

Yes it is.

[excon]

Hello:

You guys are right on. If this were a court case, she's a virgin - hands down.

If she were my intended, however, it wouldn't matter which orifice her previous boyfriend invaded. The point in THAT case, would be that he's been there.

I think I said it earlier. I love to use loopholes - especially when I'm using them against an adversary, such as the government. However, I don't use them in my personal life, and would feel lied to if one were used on me.

excon

[ScottGem]

You guys are right on. If this were a court case, she's a virgin - hands down.

If she were my intended, however, it wouldn't matter which orifice her previous boyfriend invaded. The point in THAT case, would be that he's been there.

Bingo!!

[Synnen]

What, exactly, happened that this thread got revived AGAIN?

Going by Smoothy's definition--if you wouldn't want your spouse doing it with someone else--I lost my virginity in 2nd grade, when Chris stole a kiss from me in the coat room.

The words "virgin" and "pure" are synonyms. "Synonym" means "alike". It doesn't mean "Same".

So basically--if you're THAT worried about it, start asking if she's PURE, and forget about the virginity thing entirely.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm starting to think about agreeing with Choux, that it's an archaic thing that men care about more than women, since it's the men (Sorry Scott, not intending to include you in this) that are freaking out if "virgin" doesn't mean "pure" to their significant other, but rather means that they've done foreplay but not actual intercourse.

[ScottGem]

I don't know what revived it either. We have posts on 2/24 then 3/1 then today.

Frankly, in today's climate I would never expect an adult partner to be pure, nor would I care. I might have a slightly greater expectation of virginity, but I would care about that only because it shows how smart she was, not moral.

[kp2171]

Id rather take panties off than get them in a bunch over "virgin" or "not a virgin".

[purplewings]

Virginity is so important to me that I only cook with Virgin Olive Oil, and only wear Virgin wool in the winter. I do eat a thrice-baked potato though. Should I see a shrink about this?

[smoothy]

What, exactly, happened that this thread got revived AGAIN?

Going by Smoothy's definition--if you wouldn't want your spouse doing it with someone else--I lost my virginity in 2nd grade, when Chris stole a kiss from me in the coat room.

The words "virgin" and "pure" are synonyms. "Synonym" means "alike". It doesn't mean "Same".

So basically--if you're THAT worried about it, start asking if she's PURE, and forget about the virginity thing entirely.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm starting to think about agreeing with Choux, that it's an archaic thing that men care about more than women, since it's the men (Sorry Scott, not intending to include you in this) that are freaking out if "virgin" doesn't mean "pure" to their significant other, but rather means that they've done foreplay but not actual intercourse.

A kiss isn't sex... sex involves one parties genitals. Now it genitals and a mouth are involved then it becomes sex.

[ScottGem]

A kiss isn't sex....sex involves one parties genitals. Now it genitals and a mouth are involved then it becomes sex.

Depends on who you ask. Some kisses can be very sexual.

But sex does NOT necessarily mean loss of virginity.

[kp2171]

ungh...

intent goes a long way.

a guy paid to massage my wife head to toe to help her with stress... no problem. But if she's shacking with antonio and his hands are all over her... it's a different story.

likewise... kissing is an act of familiarity in some settings, an act of love without sexual connotations in some, and a sexual act in others.

so.. kissing isn't intercourse. Neither is oral. But kissing for sexual stimulation is a part of sexual play. I consider the exchange of bodily fluids to be one of the most intimate, sexual acts possible.

is it on the same scale as intercourse? no.

but the context means something.

aw crap... there's the loophole.. "she didnt mean anything to me"... =P

**virginity is tied to intercourse. Don't complicate it**

[smoothy]

You can't have sex without genitals being involved.

I will give you the point on some kisses being quite sexual however. As that can be quite true. Between the right people under the right circumstances it can be a very intense experience. Damn close to the act itself. Its not true all that often but when it is you never forget it.

[kp2171]

OK...

So a man biting my wife's nipples... what is that?

Answer: a stain on the wall where I threw him.

[Synnen]

I knew a guy that I could bring to orgasm by licking and playing with his ears.

That's pretty dang sexual.

I've also been brought pretty darn close to orgasm (read: it took ONE touch with a finger after) by kissing.

Look, we get your point, Smoothy. The thing is, virginity has to do with intercourse, plain and simple. Yes, you can get pretty experienced without crossing that line--but you're a virgin until you do.

[smoothy]

I knew a guy that I could bring to orgasm by licking and playing with his ears.

That's pretty dang sexual.

I've also been brought pretty darn close to orgasm (read: it took ONE touch with a finger after) by kissing.

Look, we get your point, Smoothy. The thing is, virginity has to do with intercourse, plain and simple. Yes, you can get pretty experienced without crossing that line--but you're a virgin until you do.

Well you get close to the point I'm making...

And if you are playing around enough for someone to get off and you claim to be a virgin then its false advertising.

Personally I never cared much if she was a virgin or not... but I would be upset if she had to lie about it.

[talaniman]

If you have had oral sex but not intercourse, are you still considered a virgin?

Part of you is, and part of you isn't.