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    OneandOnly1's Avatar
    OneandOnly1 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Feb 29, 2008, 06:55 PM
    I'm not at fault but I lost custody!
    Recently, my fiancé spanked my son. My fiancé is not my son's biological father, just the step dad at this point. My son went to school and someone saw the marks. CPS was contacted and now my fiancé is being charged with misdemeanor assault. They took my son away from me because I did not have anywhere else to go outside of my own home, as they were asking that my son and I move away somewhere so that we will not be around my fiancé. My fiancé is on the lease, so that could not happen. I had nowhere to go myself. So I let CPS take him temporarily until this is resolved. I want to know my rights pertaining to this case. Will this be on my record as well since he was taken out of my care? We haven't been to court yet pertaining to this matter. However, my fiancé did turn himself in and is ready to move on and do what is takes to bring the family back together. I need some legal advice and what may be happening next. Thanks.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #2

    Feb 29, 2008, 06:57 PM
    He needs to go to whatever classes they tell him to take asap.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #3

    Feb 29, 2008, 07:02 PM
    Unfortunately you're in quite a hole. Any form of child "abuse" is taken very seriously by the courts these days. You say that this was discovered in and reported by the school. Keep in mind that your son may have told his teachers and/or classmates an exaggerated story about what really happened. And by law, the school is required to act on it, which generally means reporting it to CPS just like they did. The fact that this was not the child's father but a "stranger" (at least in the eyes of the law) makes it all the more complicated. If the biological father wants custody he now has a green light to get it for the asking. You have a long, hard road to hoe. A consultation with an experienced family law attorney is in order.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #4

    Feb 29, 2008, 07:10 PM
    First no, he did not just "spank" him, this is the sort of things that give a real spanking a bad name, a spanking does not leave marks.
    Next is the issue the minute he was accused he needed an attorney.

    And the last thing you wanted to do was to let the state have custody, the boyfriend could and should have moved out somewhere for a while till this gets cleared up, *** you don't choose boyfriend over your child.

    Once they have custody of the child is is harder to get the child back.

    Your boyfriend needs an attorney and you most likely need a separate attorney
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #5

    Feb 29, 2008, 07:11 PM
    Yeah they told me that "a married partner is *allowed* to abuse, but a paramour is not allowed to abuse" but they said that simply because they were out to get me who was not married and they did not want to deal with my ex's abuse to his new wife and her kids. I argued with them that abuse was abuse and they had it out for me ever since that day.
    You HAVE to be fully cooperative and as they say pro active by doing whatever they say no matter how impossible it may be.
    Do not make it sound like you are minimizing abuse no matter how minimal it may have been cause it will look like you are trying to make excuses, trying to justify and putting his actions over the concern for your kids.
    My one son that was always trying to seriously harm other kids was chasing my other son up the steps and toward the open window. My old boyfriend intervened before Lee went out the window onto the steep porch roof. Lee got a scratch less than 1/4" on his finger. CYS insisted it was child abuse and he should have left them go out onto the roof even if they fell off the roof.
    So you have to be fully cooperative and do whatever they say and don't give them reason to believe that you are trying to "make them understand" anything.
    jp242's Avatar
    jp242 Posts: 36, Reputation: 2
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    #6

    Mar 1, 2008, 06:54 AM
    Get an attorney, do whatever it takes to get your son back, find your own place and stay away from men that hit your children. A spanking does not leave marks. Your son was abused and CPS did the right thing getting him out of the situation since you obviously wouldn't. Now is your turn to stand up for your son and leave the "man" who hit him. You need an attorney and you need one now.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #7

    Mar 1, 2008, 07:35 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by OneandOnly1
    Recently, my fiance spanked my son. My fiance is not my son's biological father, just the step dad at this point. My son went to school and someone saw the marks. CPS was contacted and now my fiance is being charged with misdemeanor assault. They took my son away from me because I did not have anywhere else to go outside of my own home, as they were asking that my son and I move away somewhere so that we will not be around my fiance. My fiance is on the lease, so that could not happen. I had nowhere to go myself. So I let CPS take him temporarily until this is resolved. I want to know my rights pertaining to this case. Will this be on my record as well since he was taken out of my care? We haven't been to court yet pertaining to this matter. However, my fiance did turn himself in and is ready to move on and do what is takes to bring the family back together. I need some legal advice and what may be happening next. Thanks.

    A "fiance" is most definitely NOT a stepdad (at this point) and shouldn't be referred to as such.

    Are you presently living with your fiancé but your son is living in foster care "because you had nowhere to go"?

    Amazing and very difficult for me not to pass judgment -
    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,482, Reputation: 2992
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    #8

    Mar 1, 2008, 07:38 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by OneandOnly1
    I'm not at fault, but I lost custody!!! Will this be on my record as well since he was taken out of my care?
    Hello One:

    The first thing I'm going to say is, IT IS YOUR FAULT! Who is supposed to protect your son from an assault EXCEPT YOU??

    I know, I know. I've heard it before. You believe that you and your b/f have the right to hit your kids even to the degree that it leaves marks the next day.

    I'm here to tell you, that you are unequivocally WRONG.

    I can tell you believe that, because you're only concerned with YOUR record - not the welfare of your son. HIS welfare isn't even part of the equation.

    By the way, I'm not sure what "record" you're talking about. Do you mean will CPS keep a file on you? Yes, they will.

    But, you don't mean that, do you? You mean criminal record, don't you? The answer is NOT YET! YOU, along with your b/f are equally guilty of assaulting your son. You are lucky they aren't charging you.

    But they WILL the next time.

    excon

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