[seren]

Right where do I start, I have been dating a guy for 2 yrs he is great in everyway apart from we haven't had sex for 14 months, he won't let me touch him and it has even got as far as if I try to snog him he just says oh god your getting horny, he says he loves me all the time and stays at mine most nights but stays fully dressed in bed he will cuddle up to me and peck my lips if I ask him for a kiss but that's it, I've been really syraight with him and asked him if there is a problem, he has told me he sees to himself at least twice a week so obviously he hasn't got a problem there, I have suggested talking to a doctor or one of his mates but he won't and he won't open up to me if I ask him he just says he is sorry and he knows he isn't making me happy, if I touch him he makes out I'm in the wrong for doing so and that really hurts me, we have got to a stage where we row a lot now over silly things cause I'm so upset he won't come near me (I called him impotent one night when I was drunk) his answer to that was go out and sleep with a girl to prove to himself he wasn't, I have cheated on him which he don't no about twice with the same guy and this man wanted me to leave my partner and be with him, he couldn't keep his hands of me said I was beautiful and any man that can be in the same bed as me and not want sex must be mad, but I made the decision to stay with my partner as I do love him, he also has told me in the past I came on very strong at the start of a relationship and that scared him so I said OK I wood back off for a while 14 months have now past and he still won't come near me, if we do talk about this problem he just agrees with what I say and then nothing changes he says he is to old for it now he's 41 but I'm only 30 and I don't want to stop having sex no matter how much I love him but I no if he finds out I get sex elsewhere he will be so upset and we wood split up what do I do leave him even though my heart will be broken or deal with it

[Big Sky Butterfly]

Is it possible that he may be gay? I'm sorry to ask this, but it almost sounds that way by what you describe his actions to be.

[Fr_Chuck]

I would say I doubt he really cheated with some girl, most likely said that to shut you up ( personal guess) But he either has a serious sexual issue or perhaps he is gay. ** assuming he does not have a issue with sex before marriage.

Having sex with others is not the answer, he either has to go to counseling or see a doctor or you need to move on.

[Choux]

Well, neither of you are getting any partner sex, except very, very occasionally.

You can't change a man. Either you accept the situation after getting a little couples counselling, or move on to a more sexual partner if you think it is sex that you want from him. It could be that sex symbolizes love, and you feel he doesn't love you.

Best wishes in 2008,

[kp2171]

Well this sucks.

There are a lot of things that comprise a healthy relationship, and sexual compatibility is one of them.

I don't disagree that you care for the man, and even love him. I do believe you are sexually incompatible.

That said, you have a choice to make. If you choose to stay, you do NOT get to hold this over him. You know his position... so if you stay, you must accept this. Period.

I can tell you, my wife and I have a good marriage. But she most likely wouldn't settle for this kind of behavior. She is too young to give up her sexuality when there is no physical barrier present.

So... I can't tell you what to do. That's up to you.

Personally, if you were my sis or good friend, id tell you that you are too young to deny yourself. He might be a great guy. I've had to walk away from good women I've loved... not for sexual reasons, but for timing or compatibility reasons... and I think sexual compatibility is something worth thinking about.

Look at the threads here in the adult sexuality topic and you'll see many, many people who are years into relationship that sexually deprives them. Its not pretty.

So do what you want... but I think you might be in a bad spot... with a man who is "good" in many ways, but unable or unwilling to satisfy you in a very important way.

You don't need to be on the same page, but you do need to at least be on the same planet.

[smoothy]

You really need to find a guy that doesn't have the issues this guy has... I mean jeeze what is his problem.

[talaniman]

Since there is no communications, or any willingness to work out your problems, this relationship will not survive very long, no matter how you feel, or what his problems are.