[rheinhessen]

I moved in with my boyfriend (Home Guy) too soon, I know this, but at the time it completely felt like the right thing to do, mostly.

It wasn't really a problem until recently, there's a guy at work (Work Guy - how apt) that sit's right next to me and - although he's not much to look at - we totally click mentally, to the point where I think I've seen past the aesthetics.

Recently, on a works night out, we did kiss, and have since been for a drink - which I left wishing he had of kissed me again.

It's really starting to affect my actual relationship that I am in to the point where I'd rather sit upstairs and text Work Guy. Home Guy is now getting suspicious and starting to notice my change in behaviour. I don't want to hurt him, but I KNOW that I don't want to be him when I'm 30 - or 24 for that matter.

I guess I'm wondering whether it's because Work Guy has turned my head that's it showing the flaws in my relationship with Home Guy - or whether I actually really want to see where it goes with Work Guy...

Unfortunately, there's another casualty - my 4 year old son (Little Guy). I've moved in Home Guy - the first man other than his father - whom he's ever been introduced to in a relationship capacity. Home Guy is great with my Little Guy and I don't want to confuse him. I don't want to take out Home Guy and then suddenly introduce anyone else - I want things to be stable and consistent for him - unfortunately, doing that is making me miserable and confused..

I really don't know what to do!

Any advice will be gratefully received.

:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

[smoothy]

Never poop in your back yard, and never fool around with someone where you work.

Period. Have seen nothing but heartache and grief the last 27 years when this has happened where I have worked.

[rheinhessen]

but I swear to god I'm completely falling in love with him.

I posted ages ago with a question about a guy at work, nothing had really happened then, but now, a few months on, it's progressed somewhat. I've met his friends, he's met mine, our friends have met...

This guy is sooooo amazing. He's so clever, ambitious, he has the sexiest southern accent - this coming from a Geordie girl - and he's absolutely besotted with me. I guess I am with him as well..

The thing is, anyone who knew me would tell you the same thing, I'm 310% shallow and superficial - normally. But this is different.. on so many levels.

My current boyfriend is fantastic - he's great with my son, the sex is fantastic, he does anything he can to make me happy - but it's just not working. And I guess that's because he's not the guy for me. We've split up nad got back together so many times in the past year I think that's the pattern the relationships destined to take, a little bit immature..

It's different with the guy from work. We actually talk about things, actual real things, it's not all superficial and pointless - he actually has opinions on things and voices them and then listens to my opinions on things - and then we debate them.

We go out a lot - or as much as I can without getting a hard time from my current boyfriend and I have an absolutely fantastic time. I've told him stuff I wouldn't dream of telling other people - the only way I can describe it is: I'm with him, how I am with my best friend, except I want to &!*# him (pardon the expression).

BUT HE HAS A TINY WILLY! And straight back to the shallow problem, he's not that great looking at all - although to be honest, everyone who's met him has been absolutely taken with him because he's just such a chatty, sociable, intelligent guy - all the people that matter to me at least.

I;m just worried if the sex isn't up too much - although not crucial.. what if I end up straying again? I;m not normally a cheater, but I'm approaching 24 and I just have a feeling this is going to be my first proper adult relationship that's going to actually mean anything.

You know when you just know? It sounds stupid I guess, but from my 3 other previous 'serious relationships' this is by far the most intense. I'm a disgusting cynic and don't go in for all that soul mate rubbish, but there's a definite connection of some sort..

Either way, I'm going to leave my curent boyfriend and get a flat with my son and live by self for a while and take thiis slowly - something I didn't do with current boyfriend after we moved intogether after 4 months...

ARGH!! :confused:

[ISneezeFunny]

My question is... how do you know his penis is small?. this shows me that you did something with this guy while you're still in a relationship.

... guess what that makes you? A cheater.

[rheinhessen]

I believe what I actually said, and I quote grammatical error and all, "I;m not normally a cheater" which pretty much leaves it open for people to interpret that as I have actually cheated on my current partner - something which I;m not exactly proud of, but can't back, nor regret if I'm entirely honest...

And also - not that it makes the blindest bit of difference of justifies me - it's happened oncein about 7 months.. and under duress on his part (although obviously not against his will) as he never wanted it to happen given my circumstances.. which ironically made me want to do it all the more because it just reaffirmed what a beautiful person he is - and it's not a game on his part, and if it it is, it's a game he's putting way too much time and effort into..

[ISneezeFunny]

There's physical cheating and emotional cheating.

You said that it happened once.. 7 months ago. Does this mean that you cheated on your boyfriend 7 months ago... with small-willy guy?. that means... you've been emotionally cheating on your boyfriend for more than 7 months?

[rheinhessen]

That I cannot argue with... yes, yes I have..

[JBeaucaire]

Hmm, I may be reading this wrong, but I'll take a shot.

It appears you're becoming more mature and resisting the changes that makes in you. The yoyo relationship with the current "great sex BF" is not managing to keep your attention. The more intense emotional connection you have with this "regular Joe" is more attractive and you're resisting because being shallow has been your domain up until now.

Hehe, but to quote the Borg - Resistance Is Futile.

Looks are a dating starting point. Mature women know that looks are completely irrelevant in HAPPINESS scenarios. And don't even let me get started on the difference between party-single-sex (way fun) and monogamous-married-sex (way more meaningful).

A man you can talk about things with, laugh with, plan for the future with, and learn about REAL sexual fulfillment, Oh my gosh! No way a man who loves you will let a small penis stop him from giving you pleasure, and you're REAL love for him will make that a moot point, too.

This could REALLY be awesome for you if you get out of your own way.

[Fr_Chuck]

I actually don't see the issue because as you stated, you are shallow, so this can be many things, he has a secure job, income and carrer, in college it is amazing, those engnieering nerds that can't get a date all though college, all of sudden get the Miss Georgia or the college home coming queen a few years after college when they are bringing in that 300,000 and driving the sports car. *** not that beauty queens are shallow by any means,

So at some point, those girls who are shallow, understand it is not the big willy, but the bigger check book that starts looking a lot better.

[ISneezeFunny]

I guess I'm not as nice as JBeaucaire. It's mainly because most of the guys on this site posting on relationship forums are guys like her boyfriend. He does everything he can in order to please her, but he's missing "something"... and because of it, his girlfriend cheats on him. Later on, he's on this site crying "what happened...what did I do wrong...?"

[JBeaucaire]

I guess I'm not as nice as JBeaucaire. It's mainly because most of the guys on this site posting on relationship forums are guys like her boyfriend. He does everything he can in order to please her, but he's missing "something"...and because of it, his girlfriend cheats on him. Later on, he's on this site crying "what happened...what did I do wrong...?"

Maybe, but that's not fair. Ultimately, she needs to be honest with the journey she is on. This thread is about advising what we think SHE should do.

If she cheated on him, all the more reason to move on. It's really over with him and better for her maturing character if she's honest about that too. Now.

[rheinhessen]

To be honest - this entire thing isn't really about my current ex BF - it about myself and this other guy. Nor am throwing open the door for people to judge me - although obviously this is a public forum and it's bound to happen.

Whether the new guy was around or not - the current relationship I'm in now is doomed. There's just nothing there at all... we split up, get back together, fine for a few months, split up, get back together, fine for a few months...

I'd much rather pursue something worthwhile than go around in circles, subjecting my son to having to watch a relationship where the people involved pretty much put up and shut up for the sake of a quiet life, or sacrifice their own happiness just because the other is happy..

I want my son to witness a loving relationship, where both people want to make the other happy, and talk to each other; something which is already beginning to happen.

If I'm entirely honest, my mind is already made up. I'm at work right now, and he's sitting right beside me, and things seem to have gotten even better (if that is possible) just because I've come to a decision in my head about exactly what I want to do and who I want to be with - and I've told him about it.

Thanks JBeaucaire - your first post pretty much hit the nail on right on the head

[helpneededinMI]

Maybe if you took all of the energy and emotions you have been giving to this other guy and gave them to your b/f things could be different. A person only has so much to give and if your giving it all to someone else what chance does your current b/f have. You said you have broke up many times in the last year well that's about how long you have been having an affair with that other guy both physically and emotionaly. I do not know your total situation all I can say is If you want it to work with your b/f you need to call it off with the other guy and if you don't want it to work quit cheating on him and let him go for real.
Todd

[rheinhessen]

Maybe if you took all of the energy and emotions you have been giving to this other guy and gave them to your b/f things could be different. A person only has so much to give and if your giving it all to someone else what chance does your current b/f have. you said you have broke up many times in the last year well thats about how long you have been having an affair with that other guy both physicaly and emotionaly. I do not know your total situation all I can say is If you want it to work with your b/f you need to call it off with the other guy and if you dont want it to work quit cheating on him and let him go for real.
Todd

Please don't misconstrue the situation that I have been cheating on my boyfriend for as long as our relationship - because frankly, that's just not true. I guess for a long time I was emotionally cheating on him without even realising it, as I got closer to the guy at work.

Ironically, me and the guy from work could not *stand* each other for the first half of our working relationship - and it was a loooooooong time before either of us admitted how we felt to the other...

Physically it's been once. Things have never been right between me and my current boyfriend - and it really is because we're not a good match in the long term. We really have little in common besides we went to school together and our sex life - although that is now dwindling out of guilt and the fact my feelings towards have changed so much. To be honest, I feel like I'm cheating on the guy at work with my boyfriend.

I jumped into a relationship with my current boyfriend because I'd previously been on my own pretty much since my, now 5 year old, son was 6 months old. I guess I was desperate to be in a relationship - it IS hard on your own. Nobody was particularly interested me at all - which is understandable, I was 18 years old with a small baby - not exactly prime girlfriend material and I guess I thought I should hang on to the first person that was willing.

I know it's ridiculous, and it's a situation I'm soon to rectify.

This guy has just appeared out of absolutely nowhere and completely changed my perspective and my outlook on things in so many ways. And I completely adore him for it... I'm completely unwilling to let him go...

[talaniman]

This is still a classic case of jumping from one man to another. Obviously a man is needed for you to be happy, and sorry that ain't healthy. So before you deny that, and say how happy you are by yourself, please note it takes two for a relationship to work, or fail. It also takes time, to know if it will work or fail. I suspect your arguments, and break-ups, (Which you didn't elaborate on), had you looking elsewhere, and you found a yard to play in, that the grass seems greener, small willy and all. Now your gung-ho to get out from the exes yard, and get into another. Actually, you waited until you found another yard, before you removed your sandbox, period. Not only are you superficial, but dependent, even though you said you would go slow with the new guy. That isn't true at all, as you have already jumped in, and may try the go slow, but I doubt it, as your mind is made up. Workplace relationships carry there own traps, as if it doesn't work, you will never get over it, especially if he dumps you, and everyone will know what's up, in your business, so tread lightly, and I wish you would give yourself a chance to be happy single, as I can imagine what a boy would really think of his mom having one b/f after another, especially when it doesn't work. I still wish you the best though.

[rheinhessen]

I really want to scream' "That's not true at all!!!!" but you've already covered your tracks so far as if I say it, it'll make you seem right..

I am FAR from dependent - after 3 years by myself - most of it happily, although hard, as I admitted further up - half of the reason my current relationship hasn't worked is because I felt he was taking AWAY my independence.. but really I see it for what it is - I just didn't want to share anything with him or do anything with him or to fully committ to him. I guess in my head, since the start of the relationship, I've always been single. And I'm disgusted I've carried on for so long and led my current boyfriend a merry dance and lied to him

I've done pretty much what I wanted. I work full time, I go to college full time as night classes, when my son is at his fathers at the weekend I have a very active social life - all of which don't concern my current boyfriend and never really have. The only difference is that I make bigger meals and I have to share my bed.

Now someone comes along who I WANT to share all of these things with, I want to include in my life in every aspect - minus work. But that's not an issue as a) nobody knows at our current workplace and b) it's entirely likely I'll have a new job in a month or two anyway.

Also, I would like to catergorically state that I will not be moving one man out of my son's life and then another man into my son's life. I have no intentions of even introducing them at all. I'm an intelligent women, and I'm completely aware removing my current boyfriend from my son's life is going to be as major as it was introducing him into it. I will NOT under ANY circumstances, do anything to intentionally damage my child emotionally - and frankly I'm quite offended. But I can see where you're coming from...

[rheinhessen]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rk-134481.html

My original post from September last year - it might shed a little bit light on the situation... that was pretty much the bginning...

[talaniman]

I did read your other post. I didn't want to add anything at that time and you never came back to it, so here we are again,

I want things to be stable and consistent for him - unfortunately, doing that is making me miserable and confused..

This stands out and explains a lot especially given the lone reply to that post. Look I'm not about NOT dating at all, but if you read more of my post, you will see that being happy with yourself is paramount to being healthy and having a healthy relationship. If you read my post, you would see that's what I was telling you, because healing and loving yourself can give you a very good perspective on things, and you can make good decisions for yourself. To be tired of one relationship, you jumped into impulsively, why do it again, without catching your breath so to speak. I took both your post under consideration when I answered. Sorry if I was unclear. Take care of the past, before you move to new stuff.

[hollylovesbrandon]

[QUOTE=JBeaucaire]Hmm, I may be reading this wrong, but I'll take a shot.


A man you can talk about things with, laugh with, plan for the future with, and learn about REAL sexual fulfillment, Oh my gosh! No way a man who loves you will let a small penis stop him from giving you pleasure, and you're REAL love for him will make that a moot point, too.QUOTE]


Very well said, my husband will do anything in his power to make me the happiest woman alive. Because he loves me and is devoted to me. He worries about me first and him second. Same from my stand-point. It seems you are growing up emotionally and you subconsciously are a little scared of it. It's amazing when you find that conversationalist, that intellectual, that arguer that you know is perfect and that you know you deserve. I say go for it. It could turn out to be the most wonderful thing!

[Alty]

To me it sounds like you are a little afraid because this is the first "real" relationship that you've ever had. I would take it slow, especially for your son, but I do think that you should break up with your boyfriend before you continue a relationship with little willy guy. Speaking of little willies, when you find love you'll be surprised how little a small penis affects your relationship, sex isn't everything and it seems like you have started a good healthy foundation (other than cheating on your current boyfriend etc) with this new guy, sexual gratification will come eventually, when you get to know each other better. Do remember one thing though, don't be too quick to jump from the frying pan into the fire. Good luck.