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yoheii · Feb 13, 2008, 06:56 PM

Hello,

I've been in a relationship (around 3 months) with this great, classy young lady. We met in class (we go to the same University; live a few miles away), and I asked her out to dinner, and we hit it off (and started slow).

Thing's went unusually well... we never fought... we seem to hit it off amazingly well. She'd always do adorable things and leave me notes, and text messages, and all the cutsie wootsie stuff.

As the next semester progressed, and we weren't in class together... we saw each other less, but still daily for a fair amount of time. We'd meet up after our long, busy days to have coffee, to study, or to grab dinner or lunch. Occasionaly she'd come over, and we'd mess around (we haven't gone physically far, we agreed to wait... she's religious and chaste and I respect that.)

She even slept over my apartment before and went grocery shopping with me. I've met her parents, and spent time with them on two occasions, and she's met my mother.

Now, seemingly out of no where she seems distant... depressed... stressed, and it begins affecting her health (chest pains, signs of anxiety)... She's quite active with clubs and other groups (as I am)... and one day I wanted to help her and she kind of brushed me off... and she felt terrible. This girl is an angel - don't get me wrong - she doesn't even curse.

She texts me that night after seeming a tad bit strange... she asked to walk and I ask her what's the matter. She says she has doubts about us, and that she feels great while with me... and that she's confused about where she thinks this should go... or if she's ready to be in a relationship at this moment. I acknowledged that maturily... and made sure I explained to her how much I care for her. Her motives still remained unclear... she kissed me many times and held me.. and even came over to my apartment again to do some more of that till quite some time...

So I was confused.

A weekend passes, we hang out a few days... then just the other day she says she feels the doubts and that she put those feelings on a back burner... and that she feels she needs space to understand where she wants to go.

I don't think she through seeing people out of the equation (she said she'd never limit me to NOT) and I said I wouldn't want to... She's only had one major boyfriend in her life... (we're freshmen) and she kissed me and left me a note the same day she said she felt that she needed space.

I haven't spoken to, seen her, or even texted her... and she hasn't done the same all day today. It's torturing me and I feel terrible.

I even ordered flowers (a costly amount) and I'm not sure if it'd be approritate to give them to her... I will anyway for V-day... I feel like I should.

So what should I do? I know I should acknowledge her... and not talk to her... and give her the room she wants... and wait to see if she comes back to me (I think that's most logical)...

I just don't understand why she feels this way... we were near perfect - things were eerily nice!

So what should I do? I really care for this girl and would LOVE to be back with her... This ambigiouty is hurting me emotionally and academically...

Any tips?

Homegirl 50 · Feb 13, 2008, 07:02 PM

Perhaps the relationship is entering a phase she is not ready for.
I say give her space. Don't call or text her. If you don't hear from her in a week or so I'd call and ask what's up.

yoheii · Feb 13, 2008, 07:06 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Perhaps the relationship is entering a phase she is not ready for.
I say give her space. Don't call or text her. If you don't hear from her in a week or so I'd call and ask what's up.

Thank you for the quick reply... It's nice to talk to someone besides my friends (its an embarrassing topic for me... I'm quite the 'proud' guy)...

That's what I was thinking... perhaps she's scared that she'll do things she's not ready to do. She does legitimatley care for me... otherwise she wouldn't have said anything... and she said it with a shakey voice with her tears ready to come out.

She also said that she feels like she disappointed me.. and that she feels she can't be 100% of a girlfriend to me at this moment... (isnt that for me to decide... if she's good or not?) I told her that I want us both to be happy... and her happy with me makes me happy... and her sad with me doesn't...

Ideally I'd want us to be happy together... but that doesn't fit in to her current emotional status quo.

I just find it strange she hasn't even txted me yet... she'd send me nearly 20-30 texts a day sometimes... just saying little things. I'm worried that she thinks I'm angry or something... I'm just upset and respecting her decision...

Homegirl 50 · Feb 13, 2008, 07:35 PM

It does not matter what you feel, she has to feel good about herself. Maybe she is feeling you want a sexual relationship and she is just not ready and this makes her feel the way she does.
Maybe call her, tell you that you are there for her if she needs to talk or something. Let her know how important she and the relationship is to you, and then give her space.

Simple Asian · Feb 13, 2008, 10:45 PM

there are the problem that happens a lot to girls... trust me I no... I just been thought one like 2 weeks ago...

just like you.. never agruing.. fighitng.. jealousy or anything... perfect may I say... but it just last for 2 weeks when I think that would go farther...

reason that she feel insercur... and that she scared and think that I am not happy which I am not..

so pal... sit down and talk to her straight up... about anything.. everything...

just like homegirl said... she might scared about the sexual relationship... so just talk to he and say that you don't care and whatever ^^... best wish