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    angellstar's Avatar
    angellstar Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 25, 2008, 12:03 AM
    Smacked in the face with truth
    My guy is in another country and visa has been an issue. I found a lawyer to assist me in getting visa. In order to get visa I have had considered getting a second job to pay for the legal assistance. I would clean houses on the side for fast money from the pay I would make. When I told him I found legal help and what I would do to counter the expense he told me that he didn't want anyone to know that I was cleaning houses on the side to get him a visa. He was against it after it was him that said he needed one. Yeah might sound stupid but I guess it was this for me to see that he has no plans of being with me to turn down what was discussed before. Don't know if anyone has anything to say cause I pretty much answered my indirect question. Just needed to let it out someplace and this was location to silently vent my feelings.
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #2

    Jan 25, 2008, 12:18 AM
    ... maybe he turned it down because he didn't want you to work so hard for him?
    oneguyinohio's Avatar
    oneguyinohio Posts: 1,302, Reputation: 196
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    #3

    Jan 25, 2008, 12:28 AM
    I would feel pretty bad asking someone to work that hard for me... it might be more of an embarrassment to his man feelings... or perhaps he considers it demeaning and doesn't want to do that to you. I think it is really sweet of you to be willing to...
    ampersandra's Avatar
    ampersandra Posts: 70, Reputation: 10
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    #4

    Jan 25, 2008, 11:01 AM
    Have you asked him directly why he doesn't want other people to know that you're cleaning houses for him? What is his system of honour? Is he from a relatively elite family? I know these may sound like superficial questions, but they are valid.

    There's the possibility that:
    - He may honestly feel guilty for "making" you do these things for him, so it's a hidden form of gratitude that he hasn't come to terms with.
    - He's ashamed that he isn't doing more to get the visa, so now he's jealous that you're doing more than him.
    - He's ashamed to be dating someone who does such "lowly jobs" that might ruin his reputation.
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #5

    Jan 25, 2008, 11:03 AM
    What I'm more concerned about is... from what I read so far, without any background information, for you to jump to the conclusion that he doesn't want to be with you... simply because he doesn't want you to clean other people's houses... it's kind of weird.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Jan 27, 2008, 01:21 PM
    I don't get it either, as you know something I don't as to his motives. Why would you take it that way??
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