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N0help4u · Jan 17, 2008, 05:03 PM

Moms/parents can make great plans for their kids but YOU are the one that has to live with it.
You and your boyfriend will know when it is right to get married. It is hard to say I am going to go to college, get a fantastic career and then get married... Life happens in the meantime and it
Isn't always according to the best laid out plans we made.

mjl · Jan 17, 2008, 06:28 PM

You and your boyfriend are the only ones that can make that decision.

Have you really thought about things that will change once you get married? What if once you graduate he gets a job on one side of your country, and you get a job on the other? What kind of sacrificies are you going to have to make in the future?

I am not against young marriage. But I believe you really should know what your getting into. I got married young, and I don't regret it. I wouldn't change the age I got married. But there are a lot of things I had to deal with that I wouldn't have had to deal with if I didn't get married. I got married when I was 20. I am 21 years old now.

I recommend taking some premarital counselling. My husband and I took it through our church. It made us think about things we never thought about before, and got us discussing things we never talked about before. I highly recommend it to young people getting married.

ayashe · Jan 17, 2008, 08:14 PM

Let me start by saying this. I was married at the young age of 15, and by the hard work of myself and my husband, we are still together, and I am now 34 years old. The struggles of marriage is hard enough, but to try to do it, when your mentally not mature enough to do so, makes it that much harder. Please I beg you to wait, if it's really love, a few more years will change nothing. I am very proud of you for sticking to your morals! Many blessings to both of you!

Meagan11 · Jan 17, 2008, 08:16 PM

Marriage counseling really is a good idea. Thank you! Its encouraging to know it works for other people, even though each relationship is different. Yes, we are both prepared to make sacrifices... we talk about it all the time. Luckily, we both chose careers to get into that are needed everywhere. We would like to stay close to home, but we are prepared to move if we have to... you never know with the economy the way it is. We know that financially, its not going to be easy. We aren't jumping in head first without any thoughts,research or prayer.

mjl · Jan 17, 2008, 09:08 PM

That's great that you are thinking about every aspect. I am your age, and I am married, and I don't think there is anything wrong with it if it is what you really want. Don't listen to harsh comments for it, because it is your decision, not theirs.

Meagan11 · Jan 17, 2008, 09:14 PM

Originally Posted by mjl

Thats great that you are thinking about every aspect. I am your age, and I am married, and I don't think there is anything wrong with it if it is what you really want. Don't listen to harsh comments for it, because it is your decision, not theirs.

Thank you so much! What made you decide it was the right time?

mjl · Jan 17, 2008, 09:15 PM

Is is all right if I send you a private message?

Meagan11 · Jan 17, 2008, 09:16 PM

Sure thing.

oneguyinohio · Jan 17, 2008, 09:43 PM

If you do decide to get married before you finish school, maybe you can use the money you save from school costs to help the two of you become financially secure as a newly wed couple. That financial security can go a long way toward helping two people in a committed healthy relationship. I would discuss that with your parents as well, especially if they are contributing to your educational expenses. Perhaps you can look forward to something after graduation... to show that you fully intend to finish... just a thought.

Best of luck.

kp2171 · Jan 17, 2008, 09:56 PM

No perfect answer here.

I dated a girl I knew I would marry from 2yrs HS, 4 yrs college, 1 year after. Thank God it crashed and burned. I was in love, as well as I could be for that age... but it would have been a disaster long term. We were right for each other, for that time... hindsight is clear yknow. So in my case, if I had married my first real love, it would have been bad, bad, bad... and don't think you "know" better than me... been there, done that...

But... that said... my college roommate had also dated his college sweetheart all through college, married, and they have a beautiful family now... a dozen years of marriage, and three wild boys.

So... my advice, since I think you are going to get married is this. Talk about life, goals, money, and sex. The more you explore through open, honest talking, the better you will be set to last.

Most people experience a major love at the time in life where you are. Most relationships don't last. But I'm not going to say yours isn't.

If you decide to proceed... my advice is to try to be kind to parents on both sides as best you can. Understand they are NOT trying to hurt you. They are fearing for your safety. They understand how dumb a person can be when young. It isn't malicious at all... they are concerned out of love for you.

If you decide to proceed, try your best to be kind and polite to the parents... if the relationship lasts, the strength you show will pay off in time.

I cannot tell you what is right. I firmly believe most young relationships are meant to be a learning experience, and that most people think their relationship is the exception.. is the special one. We all think that.

That said, I've seen it work out too.

So whatever you choose, try your best to be kind and polite to all parental sides. It'll pay off long term, even if you don't do their bidding.

Momma to three · Jan 18, 2008, 04:30 AM

I know from my own son, who is now 22, that for federal aid you have to be 25 before you can not count parent's income.

Curlyben · Jan 18, 2008, 04:55 AM

>TWO Threads merged<

Kutie20 · Jan 19, 2008, 05:20 AM

I think that if you love each other, you are not only using eacohter for the finanical benefits then you need to do what you think is best. I got married at 18. I have a son now... I am also only 20 years old. I am a Christian... My husband is as well. Just know that marriage is TOUGH!! It is not easy at all. But with God's help and blessings it can work. I hope this helped...

God Bless

KalFour · Jan 19, 2008, 06:32 AM

Hi Meagan,
I know how offensive this question could sound, but I'm going to ask it anyway.
How do you feel about divorce?
I'm not trying to imply in any way that I think your relationship is likely to end that way. But I really do believe that a marriage is not something that should be rushed. If you plan on making a life commitment, you have to be certain that you can last the distance.
If you really want to get married, that's fine. Personally, I think it would be best for you to wait until you've finished studying.
I know that the financial benefits aren't your incentive for getting married, but does that perk possibly influence your desire to get married so soon? I realise that the extra money would be a fantastic bonus, but is it worth it?
And a few extra years without being allowed in each other's rooms might be frustrating, but I doubt it will impact too strongly on your relationship. You would have plenty of time to spend together outside the dorms. And you sounds like a serious Christian, so I doubt you have a very physical relationship. Being in separate rooms wouldn't hold you back in that area.
Also, the changes in your life caused by suddenly living together and having a physical relationship might be very overwhelming, and interfere with your studies.
And if you were to get pregnant? What then?

I'm not actually trying to put you off. But please think about all the variables as much as possible. Be careful, this is a decision that will impact on the rest of your life.

Kal

George_1950 · Jan 19, 2008, 08:00 AM

To another question you answered, "...felt God was leading us there because the spiritual side of the school is absolutely amazing...." Does your university offer counseling? Surely, it does. Why don't you make an appointment to discuss your education and relationship issues with someone who is more familiar with your circumstances. By the way, I couldn't disagree more with the comment that marriage is a load of work; but it is a commitment that you intend to last for your entire life. There's an old saying, 'an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure'.

peggyhill · Jan 19, 2008, 09:07 AM

I think premarital counseling is a great idea. Also sit down with your minister and your parents and discuss the pros and cons of marriage now vs. later. Pray about it and see where you think God is leading you.

I understand about the strict rules at the college. If you don't marry before you go, you will just have to figure out some other ways to spend time together. You can both get involved in student activities, join a ministry, and spend time off campus. Maybe after the first year, you or he could get an apartment (I don't mean live together, just separate apartments), that way you will be able to spend more time in private.

You seem to have a really open loving relationship with your parents, and that is so great. I know it is hard at the age you are now, because on the one hand, they are your parents and you want to honor them and their wishes, and on the other hand, you are becoming an adult and are starting to make your own decisions. Like I said, you, your boyfriend, your parents, and his parents if possible, might benefit from all of you sitting down with the minister and talking about it. Maybe you could all go out to dinner and discuss it. In the meantime, get involved in the pre-marital counseling. It will strengthen your relationship so much and help you avoid some common problems when you are married.

Good luck and God bless! :)

randomfreak · Jan 27, 2008, 08:14 PM

I'm younger than you are, and I am getting married before I even graduate high school. I'm actually planning my wedding for February 1, 2009! I know it sounds ludicrous, but it really isn't. If it's what you want, I am a firm believer in "go for it". Everyone says "wait, wait, wait" but, it's really between you, your boyfriend, and God. Marriage is not about age, or how much you will change in a few years, marriage is the commitment to be with someone no matter what you may go through. I have people who are supportive of my wedding, and people who aren't, but that's going to be the situation no matter what age you are!

I'm going to tell you from my experiences that asking for advice is going to give you very few positives and many, many negatives...

My feeling is, if you can get married early, get through the stress, and make it, then you really love each other.

If you want it, and it's right for you, go for it!