[Meagan11]

My boyfriend and I are both Christians and have been together since we were both seventeen years old. We live in the same home town, and decided to go to college together. We go to a Christian University, and are both freshman this year. We have talked about getting married the summer before our junior or senior year in college(depending on how things go). We would both either be 21 or 22. Because we are both Christians, we are choosing not to live together before we are married. We firmly believe it goes against God, but that is our opinion and do not look down on others who make that decision. It is just right for us not to live together before marriage.

Besides the obvious reasons that we love each other and we feel that God has brought us together, there are other reasons to be married before we graduate.
1.) College tuition is dramatically dropped. We would get much more financial aid then when we were dependents on our parents.
2.) The school we go to is very strict on boyfriends/girlfriends... we aren't even allowed in each others dorm rooms. We have no privacy, even just to talk. Its very stressful on our relationship.
3.) For both of us, its always been our dream to marry young and to have a family. It's very hard to wait!

We've discussed this with our parents, but they are all against it. They think that because we got together so young (16) we haven't had the chance to grow into our own selves. So, what are they suggesting? We can't help we fell in love at such a young age. I don't think we should break up just so we can grow into our own selves. We are both very happy with each other. We are past the "puppy love" stage. We know each others strengths, weaknesses, hopes, and desires. There is a very strong bond between us that cannot be broken. I know that marriage is not always an easy thing and because we love each other so much, of course we could wait an additional year or two to get married. But, if we are sure we want to be married, why not do it a year early so we can get more financial aid for college(it would be about 40,000.00 off our tuition)? Anybody's insight would be greatly appreciated.

[Wondergirl]

It sounds like you want to get married to improve your financial aid situation.

I too went to a Christian college with the separate dorms and no visiting rules and lack of privacy and early curfews. It does crimp one's style in the romance department. Why did you choose this particular college, knowing there would be so many restrictions?

You say you're past the puppy-love stage. I'm wondering if the college's restrictions are somehow forcing you to stick together in a sort of romantic rebellion. (Remember, I've been there.)

You're what now, 18? I suggest you both get involved in the various social programs and organizations. Do well in your courses. Give each other permission to date. Avoid all the marriage discussions for at least another year.

[ISneezeFunny]

How would you get more financial aid?

[Wondergirl]

Please post on only one board. I answered you on the Marriage board and will ask the moderator to put your question on the better of the two boards.

[ISneezeFunny]

Hmm. I tend to disagree with lalaman1.

I'm currently 21... and I just can't see myself marrying anyone. Really.

Marriage is... a crapload of work. And when I mean crapload, I mean... a dumptruck filled with just crap. It's ridiculously hard to make a marriage work. And if you two are going to school, then it'll be even more work. How do you two plan on supporting yourselves? What if you get pregnant while you're in school? Have you two thought of career paths? Will the career paths you two want to take support the both of you enough... will it support a child as well? Where will you two live?

Rent? Car payment? Car insurance? Health insurance? Groceries... doctor's visits... just everything in general?

Love is not all you need. Maybe back in the 17th century. But then again, all you needed to LIVE in the 17th century was a shovel and a roof made of straw.

[Meagan11]

I'm sorry, but I think I might have explained our situation wrong. We do not want to get married to improve the financial situation. Either way, we are getting married. The question is if we should get married one year earlier to have the benefits of lower education cost. Its not just about getting cheaper college. We chose this school because it was one of the only schools that offered my major, felt God was leading us there because the spiritual side of the school is absolutely amazing, and it is a wonderful campus. It is just very strict and quite a change from our homes. We are both 19 years old. Dating other people is not an option. And No, the schools harsh rules is not forcing us to stick together out of romantic rebellion. Love, faith, and our solid relationship keeps us together. The only question is when is the right time. I feel like maybe I did not explain our relationship and situation well enough, so I gave off the wrong impression. Thanks for your advice, though. :)

[Meagan11]

Please post on only one board. I answered you on the Marriage board and will ask the moderator to put your question on the better of the two boards.

I'm sorry... I didn't know you could only post on one board. If you feel the need to talk to the moderator, please ask him/her to leave it on the Religion board.

[Wondergirl]

Dating other people is not an option.

Why isn't dating others an option? Seems like it should be THE requirement for each other as you meet other people and are put into new and challenging situations.

[Meagan11]

You get more financial aid from the state. When you are a dependent of your parents, the state goes by your parent's income, which is obviously much better then a newlywed couple who are still in school. When you get married, you are no longer dependents on your parents and they go off you and your husbands income, so you get WAY more help. I talked to a couple at my school who married the summer after their freshmen year, and their tuition loans went from 25,000/year to 3,000/ year.

[Wondergirl]

You get more financial aid from the state. When you are a dependent of your parents, the state goes by your parent's income, which is obviously much better then a newlywed couple who are still in school.

You two could become emancipated and not have to marry before graduation. Marriage will produce incredible financial and emotional stresses in your lives.

Again, I hear the "let's get married to improve our financial aid situation" thing.

[Meagan11]

Because every relationship is different, and every person is different. For some people, dating others is an option. For us, why fix something that isn't broken? Then, there is the role that God has played in our lives. We have prayed about it and feel that God intended for us to be together. It's a matter of faith and love. I do not WANT to date other people. I love him, for him. Its as simple as that.

[Wondergirl]

So you two have never dated other people?

[Meagan11]

Well, as I explained on the marriage discussion board, that is simply not the case. We both feel financial situations are not reason enough to be married. Thank you for your input :)

[Meagan11]

Of course we have! We both have had two other serious relationships before we met each other. My boyfriend and I were best friends for a year ( we dated others during that year, and the year before) before we even began dating. I was saying that after being together for a little over two years, we would not want to just start dating other people when we are completely happy.

[Meagan11]

In a way i do agree with ISneezeFunny about marriage not working young because its a lot of work, but I still think that 22 isnt a bad time to get married. Sure its hard and you think it won't work, but that's the reason marriages sometimes dont work, because of the mentality of thinking "I'm young, it won't work out.", and then people get divorces. You have to work through difficulties, don't give up after a year with a divorce . I still feel you should get married 21/22, you'll have more support while your in school and why should you wait, you love each other and have God's guidance. Just don't give up early with a divocre, and it should work

Thank you very much for your advice. I completely understand the difficult financial situations that occur when you get married young. But believe it or not, we do actually have some of these problems worked out through talking to our pastor and some of the professors at our school. I personally believe it can work... My parents have been together since they were fifteen and 25 years and three kids later, they are incredibly happy. (even though they don't like the idea of me marrying young... very hypocritical.. but they are parents. )

[Wondergirl]

You two could become emancipated and not have to marry before graduation.

And the emancipation idea has been thrown out the window?

[Wondergirl]

And you are willing to defy your parents?

[N0help4u]

You say you are 17 now and want to wait about a couple more years before you get married either way anyway. So continue in your relationship as planned for another year or two and that will give your parents time to see you are serious about each other. Then they may reconsider their 'your too young' feelings and you and he will be more sure that you are ready to get married.

[Meagan11]

Well, I talked to my mom about it yesterday. She said that she will always be on my side no matter what the situation is. She said that although she had always hoped for me to graduate college and have a career before I get married, she said she understands because she married my dad when she was 20(they had been together since they were both 15). She said she would have course be happy for me because she truly loves the person I am going to marry, but at the same time, she can't help but worry for me. She said a part of her would be disappointed, but she will always back me no matter what. She is a great mom. I think she just wants me to do things the way she always planned for me. I think she is against it because she knows how difficult it was to marry young. My dad also likes the person I am going to marry, but he is just against it because he wants me to finish college. Not finishing school is not even an option. We both are going to finish. I suppose if they both told me they would disown me if I got married, then of course I wouldn't defy them. But I think they are just more worried for me rather then angry about the situation.

[Meagan11]

I would have to look into it. I do not know very much about it before I would make that decision. Thank you for the idea, though.