[Sammy68]

My situation is very complicated (at least in my own eyes). I'll try and explain my situation to the best of my ability.
1st of all, 2006 was literally the worst year of my life. My son was diagnosed with a rare kidney disease, suffered complete kidney failure, and ultimately had a successful kidney transplant (the kidney transplant is the good news!). Not only was I dealing with my son's health issues, but he also had developed a problem with illegal drugs and he was getting in trouble with the law. Nearly the worst nightmare a parent can endure. Well, on top of all of this, I got divorced after twelve years of marriage. All this happened within a six month period.
I think I had some kind of nervous breakdown or something. I was doing things during my son's illness that I would have NEVER normally had done. I kept begging my ex-husband to help me and spend more time with me, but he never did. So, unfortunately, I met someone that starting giving me the attention that I suppose at the time I was really craving... I'm not proud of this. Well, the story ended very badly, of course. I ended up divorced. Shortly after my divorce, I ended all contact with that man and I begged my husband to attend counseling so perhaps we could try and somehow mend things, but he refused. And in return, he took our children on a trip to Florida with a "once" girl friend of mine.
I met a man I knew from high school about 5 months. After my divorce. He's very stable and secure. At the time, I felt completely out of control. It was a good feeling to have someone who cared about me. Well, to make a long story short, he bought me an engagement ring and I moved in with him. We've been together now for about 10 months. My children love him. He's a good person. But I keep having these reoccurring dreams about my ex-husband. I wake up the next morning and I feel literally sick to my stomach. My ex-husband has told me on several occasions that he loves me to this day, but never wants me back. To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I would ever want him back either. But why do I always think of him and dream about him? I have gone as far as not to discuss anything with him anymore and I try to avoid seeing him because it's so painful.
I run very hot and cold on this man that I'm with right now. I don't understand why. I feel I should be with him because he's good to me and he's wonderful with my children.
What is wrong with me?
Has anyone experienced something similar with a divorce? Is this normal to feel this way for awhile?

[Bluerose]

Sammy68,

I have experienced something similar. It's like so much is going on and your brain is struggling to cope with it all and not doing a very good job. Believe it or not what you are experiencing now is a good thing. Your body has decided that you are now strong enough to deal with the rest of the overload. It's like your subconscious has decided to rip off the plaster and let the air get at it and heal it. Try to relax and just go with it. The more relaxed you can be the sooner it will get processed and the sooner everything will get back to normal, and you should feel much better for it - if maybe a little exhausted. Be good to yourself and get some rest. Go with the flow and simply allow it to work itself out.

[Sammy68]

Thanks, BlueRose. I feel very alone in this situation. I was sure there were other people out there that may have experienced something similar in their past.
I have been trying to just relax and do the "good" things for myself. It is getting better, but I hate those reoccuring dreams and the old feelings they drag out.

[Bluerose]

Sammy68,

I do understand, it's just a pity that it takes so much out of us. Keep posting, add some more information if you like, it might help. The dreams will go once you relax more and accept that the process is necessary. :)

[talaniman]

Bluerose, is correct, as you have been through a lot, and are now healing from the past. Let yourself heal, and be happy with yourself.

[Sammy68]

About every 2-3 months. I start having serious doubts about the break-up of my marriage. I start to doubt my current relationship, I start believing that I should allow myself to be open for a possible reconciliation with my ex-husband. I think I'm delusional sometimes. I'm going through this horrible period right now. My ex-husband says things to me like, "I'm a horrible boyfriend to my current girlfriend, because I have changed since our divorce." He's basically implying that I'm the reason that he's having issues with any other relationships he's involved with. Don't get me wrong, I am very well aware that it's not my fault for his issues with the person he is currently involved with. I'm not delusional about that, at least. He has said things to me like, "I'm in love with you, but I don't want to be with you". He has started calling me more often than usual, however, he never brings "us" up in conversation, he'll just speak to me regarding our children. Usually, he never greets me in person when I pick the kids up after their visitation with him, but lately he's been coming out to my car to say, "Hello". I have in the past asked my ex-husband if he wanted to seek counseling and attempt to reconcile, but he refused, as I mentioned before. Common sense tells me that if this man really loved me, he would make an effort to do something regarding a reconciliation, but he's done nothing. I don't know if this is the delusional side of me or what, but then I start believing if I leave my current situation, that will perhaps give him the opportunity to initiate a reconciliation. I have no grounds for believing this. That's why I feel so delusional. Woa! I know this sounds crazy. I feel crazy. I've tried counseling, but it really has not helped me. I just keep finding myself stuck on this.