[Melenka]

I have read a lot of love and loss on here and some of you are pretty dam mean.
Unless you been there you don't know so shut the hell up. I know I once was one of
Those people that used to say an ex is an ex for a reason. Move on. Well what if you do
And then years later things change children or no children. People should be happy RIGHT?
MY STORY
We met when we were very young I was just a girl and he a boy.
I was very good friends with this guy for 14 years during which we dated on and off and on again for years. I loved him deeply in every way and wanted to marry him.
However it all ended sadly badly and very dramatic. He had decided to start up something
New with some other girl while still with me. I did not know this for many months.
He was living with her and said they were engaged. Looking back I saw the signs.
Long story short . He would not talk to me face to face so I ended it relationship,friendship
And everything over the phone. It was a very difficult time for me we had always knowen
Each other and had growen up together. Many things were going on in each of our lives. New jobs, Parents, family death, him wanting to move out of state. A year after it ended I started dating my now boyfriend. I had moved on with my life.
A few months after that my ex started calling me up and hanging
Up every time I answered the phone. I know this because I had caller ID. He did this more
Than ten times during that year. I hating knowing that he was still living with her. Her name and number flashing on my phone id. I knew who she was.
The end of the year I decided to call him and ask him why he was calling me.
At first I was friendly. I wanting to communicate with him face to face
But then decided I was not going to risk the relationship I have with my boyfriend.
That was seven years ago. I had moved on with my life
And had found joy and happiness again. Or so I thought.
Sense then I know my ex got married a year after we last talked on the phone.
He also had children with her.
I won't lie I was very sad when I had found out the news. But I still went on..
Until a year ago I started thinking about him again. Now I realize I still love him
And Im in love with him. I know without a doupt that he is still the one. All these
Years I had just been surpressing all my feelings. What makes it worse is that
I'm engaged to my boyfriend now. HOW DO I DEAL WITH ALL THESE FEELINGS?
I still love my boyfriend but I love my ex too and want so very much to see him again.
I would never ever cheat nor am I ever going to contact my ex. I won't do that.
BUT MY FEELINGS OF LOVE REMAIN AND That's WHAT I DEAL WITH EVERY DAY.
Just so you people know it sucks loving two guys, living with it knowing you can't do
Anything about it, also you keep it a secret. No one knows this not even my best friends.
Most people who are still in love with there exs never contact them and suffer in silence every day still in love.
SO BE KIND TO US TENDER HEARTED WHEN THROWING UP YOUR SO CALLED GOOD ADVICE.

[Mr-Blank]

How about moving to Antarctica? That should do the trick.

Way to make an entrance - come on now, don't come on here telling people they give rubbish advice then expect those same readers to give you good advice. And besides, the only good advice you will accept is if someone says to run after your ex which clearly not good advice at all.

Go see a therapist, your in great need of professional help.

[hajt70]

If your ex was your first love and if you lost your virginity to him, then it is very hard to forget him (at least for me any way). I do not know what to suggest you to do on that, but I do know one thing.

Please do not get married with your boyfriend any time soon (not until you completely forget your ex), because the poor guy will get hurt when he finds out you have been dishonest. The marriage will not last.

[HistorianChick]

Honey, that is one of the unknown things about posting an intensely personal question on a public, virtual forum... you open yourself up to intense criticism and judgment... but that is why you're asking, right? Most of the people on here are honest, upfront, and forthright in their answers. Sure, they may be blunt, but they have the right to be. This being a relationship forum for perfect strangers to give advice, its kind of a no-brainer that people will be blunt.

Anyway...

About your question. You love two men. Ok. We've all been there. We've all gone through that "what if my ex comes back and I love someone else?" You deal with it. You are honest with the partner you are with and tell them the situation. Your boyfriend has the right to know that you still have feelings for your ex. Who knows, he may have a similar "first" that he feels the same way for. What would you tell him? Would you judge him?

I agree with hajt70 - DO NOT get married until you have dealt with these feelings. Or, you could possibly end up in this same forum a few months down the line asking about your affair and what to do with the husband that you love.

Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your boyfriend. You said that you "suffer in silence"... I hope that you find that magic, heart mending elixer that we all crave.

Good luck! :)

[lavenderly]

Loving two men at the same time? We are all capable of that!

But to be frank, loving someone is not just having that fuzzy warm feeling. It includes a lot of other things like tolerance, forgiveness, patience etc.

I am saying this because you are not meeting your ex everyday in life. You do not share the same house, car, bank account etc. If u do, I'm sure that thing you called love will change its face. You might quarrel over many issues and then suddenly realise that your current boyfriend is actually the best man.

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER... U feel like you miss your ex when he is not around. You do not feel that same intense feeling of missing your boyfriend maybe because he is always there for u.

It is true that we have to suffer in silence when our hearts call out to another person we love. But that "suffer" can be changed into a form of "joy". Feel happy that you are still human and are capable of feeling confusion. Feel glad that you are now talking to yourself daily by keeping in touch with your inner self. Feel cheerful that because you have loved so deeply before that you know what is love and can finally marry based on true love.

U cannot teach your heart how to deal with those feelings, you can only teach your brain to react to those feelings positively and not let them rule u.

[Melenka]

How about moving to Antarctica?! That should do the trick.

Way to make an entrance - come on now, dont come on here telling people they give rubbish advice then expect those same readers to give you good advice. And besides, the only good advice you will accept is if someone says to run after your ex which clearly not good advice at all.

Go see a therapist, your in great need of professional help.

MR Blank how about you really listen I don't think you really read very clearly.
Way to be senitive.
That's not true. People can tell me all they want to run to my ex I haven't and don't ever
Intend to. What Im saying is that I have been dealing with this for a little over a year now
And continue to. Its emotional draining and so are people like you ha ha. NOT
SEE Im still standing and getting through my days. So can others
I know when the other person gets married all bets are off that's it.
You said go see a therapist. Are you always so quick to judge. I don't really believe
One could help me with this anyway.
Besides I already know what went wrong on my end of it. What I don't know is what went
Wrong on his end. Nothing really ever got resolved.
From
Melenka
Thank you to all the other people who answered