[The Questionator]

So I just started dating my first girlfriend, and I'm feeling pretty nervous. I wouldn't go so far as to say there are "problems", just complications that began to emerge, or at least I started to become more aware of.

Here's the rundown;
-I'm 16 she's 17
-I'm 6'2" she's around 5'
-this is pretty much her first "real" relationship also (these first 3 things don't bother me at all)
-there is are group of 4 friends (that include me, her, another guy and another girl (the other guy and girl are just friends)). The three of them have been good friends for a good couple years, I came into this picture about 5 months ago, we were just friends until relatively a month or so ago ( i would explain how we hooked up but i wanna keep it under 2000 words...it was basically "do you like me?" "you, do you like me? GREAT!") and so the "dating" began. Here's the thing, she it a VERY busy person I would have to say, I we can't find allot of time to actually spend together. See she lives a good 10 or so kilometers from me and our school so it not like one of us can just walk over and chill with the other when we have a spare moment. So our total communication is summed up with talking on MSN (my favorite [rolling eyes]), and eating lunch together, which brings me to my next dilemma. Because there is the 4 of us that are good friends, we sensibly all eat lunch together. But again with the complications... Me and my girlfriend both agree (although it was her idea, and I'm not quite liking it now) that we would not act like "boyfriend and girlfriend" around them as to not "weird them out" as she says. Here's the thing, we decided this awhile back when we started "dating" before they even knew, but now they both know and don't really seem to care. And lunch being the most time I get to see her in an average day I want to spent it with HER! AS BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND, BEING ABLE TO TALK TO Each other PERSONALLY, AND NOT HAVE TO PUT ON A SHOW FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD FOE OUR RELATIONSHIP!! I don't even think we can say were dating because we haven't even really been on a first date, because she's busy when I'm not and I'm busy working when she's not(to an extent). But that will change we have a date picked out were both free and I'll be damed if we don't do something! So you see why the whole lunch thing is frustrating me so much. It's not like I want to sit there with my arm around her, or kiss here in front of our friends, I just want to connect with here on a different level, if you know what I mean? Not just sit there almost blankly with these feelings building up.

[[[[[sorry if this seems like a novel length question, but I just need to vet and see if I can get some advice at the same time.]]]]]

On to my favorite method of communication... MSN [rolling eyes]. Because the only real time we get to talk is later at night on MSN, I would at least like to talk about something, and I feel our conversations aren't the most... "accurate" is terms of communicating actual feelings, its kind of like were different... somewhat more open, yet feelingless people and with nothing to talk about. Its like playing slowmotion ping-pong with someone who doesn't like to talk very much (weird analogy I know). Yet I feel like I can express my true feelings here, but I know they would not get through on the same emotional level as in person and would probably make things awkward next time I see her in person so I say nothing, and the bitter silence is killing me.

I know for sure this girl has feelings for me, but I just don't know how deep they go . I terms of physical contact a good-bye hug is about all that happens for now, but I would like at least to hold hands although I think the size difference in ours may make it awkward I'm not sure. Although sentimentally this would mean allot to me. I'm a kind, caring guy, and she means the world to me.

Thank you for reading and any advice you can offer on anything above, especially how to communicate all my feelings to her and how to "tune-in" to any I may not be getting from her would be more than fantastic.

[crispy_chick]

Hey, firstly hight don't matter, lol it won't feel that awkward holding hands.
Can you call each other on the phone? This can be more in depth with the feelings because you can hear eachothers voices, and its much nicer then MSN...
You just have to tell her how you feel, just say we don't have to do the whole hugging and kissing thing but I would like tp be able to talk on a different level as your boyfriend and not just a friend...
You can't help your busy lifestyles so you need to make the most of the time you do have together, and you can't do that unless you truly express your feelings...

[OKIEGRL4EVER]

What are you looking for in this relationship? If you truly want to be with her, try emailing her all of your concerns or if its easier write it all down in a letter ,if she is a true friend she will respond honestly.to me it sounds like she is only wanting a friendship or she would be accepting to the two of you show public affecting , even with her being busy she should be setting aside alone time with you. With this being you first g/f I wouldn't put all my eggs into one basket.Just remember dating is just that, its letting you figure out what you like and dislike in woman. I hope this helps

[The Questionator]

Thanks crispy_chick, I'm probably going to end up phoning her from now on(when I can).

But there is one other thing. Lately I've noticed she is a little more "distant" than usual and today I confirmed what I thought it was. Her and the other girl in our group of friends went off today near the end of lunch and sat in the washroom talking for a good 15 minuets talking of corse. I didn't bother waiting for them to return as I knew they were probably talking about me. The last class of the day I have with this other girl and I managed to convince her to tell me SOMETHING about what went on, her being good friends with me also, and she told me that my girlfriend was feeling like she "needed her space" and "didn't know what to do". You see when I can(almost always), I wait at my gf's locker after school just so I can talk to her for a few minutes alone until her ride home comes, even though it's completely out of my way and involves me waiting around after the school has cleared out. What can I say? I just want to be with her even if its only for a minute, isn't that how I'm supposed to feel? I mean I never get to be alone with her and I didn't see this as such a "clingy" move.

I don't know what to do. I am debating phoning her tonight to tell her I understand how she feeling and I'm sorry, and that I WILL give her her space when she wants it, and I just want to be with her because I feel this way about her. Should I?

Any advice?

[talaniman]

Your idea of a relationship, are a lot different than hers is, and either work it out together, or move on. I aso agree that the phone is better than msn for communicating with your female. Yeah I'm old school, and love to hear a human voice, when talking to my honey.