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Ambsizsolo1 · Dec 30, 2007, 07:15 PM

I am just curious as to what an outsider looking in would have to say about this. I have found a few Dating/Rating picture accounts, of my boyfriends. Some of which he has chosen not to tell me about. Just to make sure it wasn't junk mail, I opened them and he had completed a profile and user name. He had a female on one of his accounts and kept saying that he didn't know her or talk to her. Well I had printed out the start of the conversation in which he had started , "because he was mad at me and bored"(was his excuse) so I then handed him the print out and said "if you dont talk to her what is this?"Is he capable of straying or is this something I should just blow off? Help Please
Anyone that knows about this please send me signs of what to look 4

George_1950 · Dec 30, 2007, 07:18 PM

How old is he?

Ambsizsolo1 · Dec 30, 2007, 07:20 PM

23

George_1950 · Dec 30, 2007, 07:29 PM

Have you asked him to be exclusive?

Ambsizsolo1 · Dec 30, 2007, 07:34 PM

Yes he is very aware of the exclusive part and always reassures me he won't stray.

George_1950 · Dec 30, 2007, 07:36 PM

"...so I then handed him the print out and said 'if you dont talk to her what is this?'" And, what did he say?

Fr_Chuck · Dec 30, 2007, 07:36 PM

How long have you been dating, was there an agreement or statement not to date others, I know when I was dating after I lost my wife, I dated several ladies for a while before I decided to just date one.

Also when did he start these dating services, before you two got together, while he may or should have closed them, perhaps he was just talking and not doing anything more.

If for example you have been dating 3 months, it is differnet than if you had been dating 3 years.

Ambsizsolo1 · Dec 30, 2007, 07:37 PM

Nothing he just started getting frustrated and I started yelling

George_1950 · Dec 30, 2007, 07:42 PM

Sounds like you caught him.

"Is he capable of straying or is this something I should just blow off?" Of course, he is capable of straying. You have 'female intuition' and probably a trust problem. Communication and honesty are keys for you both going forward.

Ambsizsolo1 · Dec 30, 2007, 07:46 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

How long have you been dating, was there an agreement or statement not to date others, I know when I was dating after I lost my wife, I dated several ladies for a while before I decided to just date one.

Also when did he start these dating services, before you two got together, while he may or should have closed them, perhaps he was just talking and not doing anything more.

If for example you have been dating 3 months, it is differnet than if you had been dating 3 years.

I know that some were before me but he had a chance to unload all the rest of the sites and he didn't. Most have been acctive within 1-3 months and we've been together 6. I have been hurt a lot of by men in my past and I know the sooner you get out the better for both. I want to make sure our relationship is safe before I end up sorry.

George_1950 · Dec 30, 2007, 08:03 PM

Check this: My boyfriend has a profile on an online dating site? - Yahoo! Answers

Good luck.

talaniman · Dec 30, 2007, 08:51 PM

Seems to me this is a very new relationship, and your still learning each other. Just me, but exclusive dating that soon is to early, but you have already found some disturbing behavior. Just because he was mad at you he turns to the internet? I don't think so, and I suspect your exclusive, and his are two different things. The good part is you can walk away, before making a big emotional investment.

grammadidi · Dec 30, 2007, 09:45 PM

Originally Posted by Ambsizsolo1

I am just curious as to what an outsider looking in would have to say about this. I have found a few Dating/Rating picture accounts, of my boyfriends. Some of which he has chosen not to tell me about. Just to make sure it wasnt junk mail, I opened them and he had completed a profile and user name. He had a female on one of his accounts and kept saying that he didnt know her or talk to her. Well I had printed out the start of the conversation in which he had started , "because he was mad at me and bored"(was his excuse) so I then handed him the print out and said "if you dont talk to her what is this?"Is he capable of straying or is this something I should just blow off? Help Please
Anyone that knows about this please send me signs of what to look 4

Well, for one thing I would say that you guys do NOT have a good relationship. First of all, you don't trust him, and it appears that you check up on him. Second of all, he lied to you. ("...kept saying that he didn't know her or talk to her").

In my opinion, if he kept his options open for awhile until it was decided by both of you that your relationship had become an exclusive one, I can understand that. However, from what you have said, he has continue to keep those options open. Therefore, he is not as involved with you as you would like him to be. It could grow to something more, or it may not.

I would feel better about it if he had been up front with you from the start. However, even giving him the benefit of doubt, he continued the lie after you questioned him outright. I believe that some people lie and other's don't. He lies. Do you want to be involved with a liar?

Is he capable of straying? Yes. Everyone is capable of straying if they aren't fully committed to a relationship. He obviously isn't there yet. I don't really think you are ready for that either, or you wouldn't be checking up on him. Either that, or your gut has already told you that this guy not that into you.

Hope this helps...

Hugs, Didi

oneguyinohio · Dec 30, 2007, 10:25 PM

Without knowing what was said in the conversation, it isn't clear if he was trying to set up a date with someone, or if he was only chatting. Perhaps he was getting someone else's view's... It might be that he (like you) is also looking around trying to evaluate the longterm possibilities in the relationship, or if he wants to go elsewhere?

I don't know if he did it out of anger toward you or not, but talking with him openly will be a big benefit for both of you. Try not yelling or accusing, just learning and sharing.

Ambsizsolo1 · Jan 3, 2008, 03:02 AM

Originally Posted by oneguyinohio

Without knowing what was said in the conversation, it isn't clear if he was trying to set up a date with someone, or if he was only chatting. Perhaps he was getting someone else's view's... It might be that he (like you) is also looking around trying to evaluate the longterm possibilities in the relationship, or if he wants to go elsewhere??

I don't know if he did it out of anger toward you or not, but talking with him openly will be a big benefit for both of you. Try not yelling or accusing, just learning and sharing.

Thanks for your input but he had admitted to me that he had done it because he was mad at me

talaniman · Jan 3, 2008, 07:43 AM

Originally Posted by Ambsizsolo1

Thanks for your input but he had admitted to me that he had done it because he was mad at me

That is a red flag, pay attention. If that's the way he handles his anger, that's not good, nor healthy. The fact you accept it, is not good or healthy either. Frankly it sounds like an excuse to stop any further questions on your part. Not healthy at all for this relationship.

lavenderly · Jan 3, 2008, 09:55 AM

This is a sign of immaturity. Age does not tell it all. When a guy is mad and he acts upon his anger by cheating (or anything of that sort), he is simply not boyfriend material.

Please let him go and allow him to grow up. Whoever becomes his girlfriend in the process of growing up, suffers. Let it NOT be u!

A man who cheats when he is mad does it because:
a) He wants to boost his own ego that he is still wanted although his girlfriend yelled at him
b) He finds great satisfaction in cheating because he knows his girlfriend will be mad and sad
c) He wants to make his girlfriend feels like she is the one at loss for being angry at him

Anyway, the whole idea is... a man like that seldom change unless given time to reflect upon his own behavior. A breakup can be a good opportunity for him to learn =)