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Dan_H · Dec 15, 2007, 09:34 PM

So here's the background, my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 9 and a half months now, we broke up about 3 times now, 2 of the times we broke up was because of the long distance. But the thing is she hasn't moved yet. I live in Edmonton and she lives in Edmonton too but moving to Vancouver soon. It is about a 2-3 hour plane ride, about $200 per ticket. When we found out her parents bought a house in Vancouver we had a little more than a year until she has to move. 7Months have passed by since that moment, 5 months left until she moves. She is one of those girls who are socially-outgoing, beautiful, smart, and very very nice but like life, she has a downfall. She is a bit of a flirt. With that, this being my first relationship has kind of made me insecure, and constantly thinking the worse but haven't told her anything about these feelings. She has promised to stop flirting but from what everyone tells me it seems she hasn't stopped at all. Vancouver being full of "hot" guys doesn't exactly make me feel better about the whole thing either. I'm afraid that she'll cheat on me or dump me for another guy. Any advice on my current situation? Also sorry for making you read this long thing

Any advice is great.
Thanks

JoeCanada76 · Dec 15, 2007, 09:40 PM

You broke up 3 times? Who broke off with who?
How can it be about long distance if she has not moved yet?
9 months is not really long for a relationship, do you know if she wants to continue the relationship or not. Do you want to continue it, worrying about how much of a flirt she is. Sounds like there is trouble brewing in this relationship and believe it or not it is not about long distance..
You can not control another persons decisions or plans or the future. My advice is if you have not already done this have a heart to heart with her. If your not sure where the relationship stands when she leaves. Maybe it is worth finding out if you two still plan on keeping this going even with the distance.

Dan_H · Dec 15, 2007, 09:43 PM

First time was me, the next 2 times were her.
Well its like, you find out she has to leave in a year the distance is just so it's kind of getting to the both of us.
We are both unsure about what to do, we love each other very much and don't want to break it off but at the same time the both of us want to end it so it's easier when she leaves.

JoeCanada76 · Dec 15, 2007, 09:46 PM

I think you already know the answer for yourself. Now I can understand if you actually lived apart then the distance would get to you. There are some people who have no problems when separate for years and then end up coming together again eventually. If it is truly meant to be it will happen someday. Best of luck.

Dan_H · Dec 15, 2007, 09:49 PM

O_o I'm sorry I didn't understand a single part of that.
What answer? Are you saying to break up with her and possibly get back together with her in the future?

JoeCanada76 · Dec 15, 2007, 09:53 PM

What I am saying is that I can not tell you what to do. You need to figure out what is the best move on your own. You do not understand what? All I am saying is there are different scenarios. Different circumstances and if it is truly meant to be no matter what, you will eventually come to gether again. Even with the distance.

If you do not understand my above post then I am not sure what else to tell you.

Dan_H · Dec 15, 2007, 10:10 PM

Oh I see.
Thanks =)

JoeCanada76 · Dec 15, 2007, 10:14 PM

No problem, I hope I have helped somewhat. Just wanted to show you that anything can happen, in life we all want some kind of control but in reality we can not control the thoughts or life of another person. Only your own.

Dan_H · Dec 15, 2007, 10:14 PM

You were a big help =)

talaniman · Dec 15, 2007, 11:49 PM

If your worried now, before she leavess you will be crazy after the move. Deal with those issues you have or they will interfere in all your relationships and make you miserable. Fear and insecurity can destroy good relationships, and even the best of us cannot manage LDR's.

Matteus · Dec 16, 2007, 04:34 PM

Originally Posted by Dan_H

So heres the background, my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 9 and a half months now, we broke up about 3 times now, 2 of the times we broke up was because of the long distance. But the thing is she hasn't moved yet. I live in Edmonton and she lives in Edmonton too but moving to Vancouver soon. It is about a 2-3 hour plane ride, about $200 per ticket. When we found out her parents bought a house in Vancouver we had a little more than a year until she has to move. 7Months have passed by since that moment, 5 months left until she moves. She is one of those girls who are socially-outgoing, beautiful, smart, and very very nice but like life, she has a downfall. She is a bit of a flirt. With that, this being my first relationship has kind of made me insecure, and constantly thinking the worse but haven't told her anything about these feelings. She has promised to stop flirting but from what everyone tells me it seems she hasn't stopped at all. Vancouver being full of "hot" guys doesn't exactly make me feel better about the whole thing either. I'm afraid that she'll cheat on me or dump me for another guy. Any advice on my current situation? Also sorry for making you read this long thing

Any advice is great.
Thanks

I won't point my post over the "3 breakups", nor the relation, is it LDR or not. But I would better talk about You as a person. You sound like a nice guy to me, someone who really care about what he got, that thinks that he won't find someone better, and makes a big effort to his relation, and wants the best of it. Well, someone here would say "poor you, you got your first relation with a flirting person". I would say it too, in fact. Just because you are a nice guy. And mostly, the nice guys would not realize to manage these kind of situation. Jus tbecause they are weak, unexperienced enough to know all the tricks, are insecure, afraid of losing their investment, afraid of being a "second hand shop". Sooner or later, this girl, who already is making the effort to go out of the relation, because she knows what she wants ("hot" as you said), is going to leave you, whatever the distance may be. After that, you will have all the "false" reasons of why she left you, but never the real answer. She might go to cheat on you, or leave you for someone else, but that would be only the reaction after making her mind for leaving you. Sounds complicated maybe. Anyway, she will never tell you "i left you because you are a nice guy". Because there is no logic. But women tend to think with their emotions. And attraction triggers them to choose between you or someone hottier.
Now, lets talk about this "attraction". You have a real example in your relation. Its your girl. Look at her how she acts around you. You are at a point where you think "im not going to do this bad to her, because she may leave me". Its your mind that thinks like this, or is it a manipulated thought influenced from her behaviour? Its psychologic. With her behaviour she has already feeded in your mind that she is better than you, that she may leave whenever she wants, and that she is a good to you, not you to her. Are you getting my point? Anyway. You may ask how can you change the tables. I think I gave you the answer already. Act like she acts. You have to influence her thought too by letting her mind working toward you. You have to let her know that you are better than her. That you are OK even alone. That you may leave whenever you want, etc. Act more independently, more "egoistic", more "bad guy", and you will see the results. Test the waters. Act a little distant this time. Look at her reactions. If she will wonder what happened to you, than I can say, you can change the tables. But if not, I would consider, breakup before getting hurt from a guaranteed pain and a messy breakup. But once you make that choice, there is no going back, otherwise you will show yourself weak for not respecting your choices! And weakness, insecurity, jealousy, are far away from attraction! They kill the relation once they appear.

Dan_H · Dec 30, 2007, 06:45 PM

Thanks, I tried turning the tables so far so good results are showing and I'm more confident now adays about her leaving =)

George_1950 · Dec 30, 2007, 07:27 PM

"With that, this being my first relationship has kind of made me insecure...She has promised to stop flirting but from what everyone tells me it seems she hasn't stopped at all...I'm afraid that she'll cheat on me or dump me for another guy. Any advice on my current situation?"

If you are having that queazy feeling in your stomach about what is going on, then you are having, and will have, problems. It isn't fair to her or you to make agreements about being celibate or unsocial going forward. Try to let go of this thing before it gets worse for you. Study about relationships and develop your interpersonal skills to where you have the confidence you need to get around without these feelings. Address this now and not later in your life. You will be glad you did, in my view.