[suzanne254]

My daughter lives with her father because she didi not want to move area when her father and I separated. We now live 100 miles apart and the only meaningful time that I spend with her is during school holidays. Her father is meaking it increasingly difficult to see her during holidays stating that I can see her at weekends (which suits him). What are my rights?

[LearningAsIGo]

How old is your daughter? Did this custody arrangement come legally or informally between the two of you?

[suzanne254]

How old is your daughter? Did this custody arrangement come legally or informally between the two of you?

My daughter is 12 years old and the custody arrangement is an informal one.

[LearningAsIGo]

If this is an informal arrangement, you only have 2 options.

1. Talk to your ex as diplomatically as possible and explain how much you miss her. Try and come to a compromise toward custody. Try to gently remind him that this informal agreement is probably best for your daughter and it would be a shame to involve legal representation if you could instead come to something amicably.

2. Failing that, contact a lawyer to arrange a legal agreement. The benefit here is that consequences can be enforced if a breech in custody occurs. There are some negatives to this, of course, such as relationship that could be strained further. If it means giving you more time with your daughter though, I think you should pursue it. Not seeing her would be the biggest strain of all.

Good luck to you. Remember, you do have rights as a parent but without his cooperation, you can't enforce those rights without an attorney's help.

[suzanne254]

Thank you very much for that helpful advice.

[ScottGem]

This is what you get for accepting an informal custody arrangement. It leaves you at the whim of the custodial parent. If he is not being cooperative, then you have to go to court and formalize the arrangement otherwise, he can control things.

[Fr_Chuck]

You have no rights what so ever since you have no legal bearing or standing, you have allowed the ex to make the rules.
What you have to do and should have done from the start, is to go to court and set up custody for the child, who has custody, and set up spectific visitation dates and times you get the child.

And also what are the aditional reasons that you did not take the child with you,

[suzanne254]

You have no rights what so ever since you have no legal bearing or standing, you have allowed the ex to make the rules.
What you have to do and should have done from the start, is to go to court and set up custody for the child, who has custody, and set up spectific visitation dates and times you get the child.

And also what are the aditional reasons that you did not take the child with you,

At the time of the separation my ex refused to allow me to enter our jointly owned home when I returned home following a 3 month stay in hospital. . He threatened to take my daughter away if I entered the house. To prevent disruption to my daughter I left the family home and agreed on a much reduced financial settlement to enable her to stay in the family home. My ex subsequently sold the house for a £95k profit (based on the under valuation price agreed when I left). I was unemployed at the time and not able to secure a mortgage and did not have sufficient capital to buy a home outright. I was forced to move to a cheaper area and wanted to take my daughter with me but she did not want to leave her school or friends.

[suzanne254]

This is what you get for accepting an informal custody arrangement. It leaves you at the whim of the custodial parent. If he is not being cooperative, then you have to go to court and formalize the arrangement otherwise, he can control things.

You are absolutely right. He is controlling things and not supporting the relationship between mother and child.

[ScottGem]

And you have enabled him to control things by not getting a lawyer to guide you through the process. He had no right to lock you out of the home and has been playing you for a sucker all the way along.

[s_cianci]

Your rights are whatever are spelled out in the visitation agreement. If there isn't one then you need to go to court and get one established. If there is one and the father isn't honoring it then you need to take him to court and have him found in contempt.

[suzanne254]

And you have enabled him to control things by not getting a lawyer to guide you through the process. He had no right to lock you out of the home and has been playing you for a sucker all the way along.

Yup I know. He has taken advantage of my desire to cause as little disruption to my daughter as possible. If I knew then what I know now I would have done things differently.

[ScottGem]

Its still not too late.