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secret987 · Nov 24, 2007, 06:39 PM

If anything, he would make me do better! : )

Homegirl 50 · Nov 24, 2007, 07:08 PM

I hope he is a good guy. I just can't see a 17 year old and a 25 year old on the same maturity level. Do you parents know about this new relationship, this possible dating one?

secret987 · Nov 24, 2007, 07:25 PM

He is a wonderful guy. And they have mentioned the idea of us dating.. to be honest, it's almost as if they want us to! They know how great he is, and how much we are completely in sync with each other. I don't expect anyone to understand us... I just wanted some opinions! But you would have to know us, know our situation.. our past. You would have to have been there in the beginning, to see us become each others favorite. Yes-i totally agree that our situation seems weird. But it's not, and we love each other so very much---even if we are only friends for the rest of our lives.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 24, 2007, 07:29 PM

Well I hope things work out for the both of you. Just finish your education first.

ScottGem · Nov 24, 2007, 08:56 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I hope he is a good guy. I just can't see a 17 year old and a 25 year old on the same maturity level. Do you parents know about this new relationship, this possible dating one?

I've been vocal against adults having a relationship with minors. But I got a good sense in reading from the OP. The impression I got was not one of an adult preying on a child. The impression I got was sort of Pygmalionish. I aksi got the impression that the idea of dating was more to explore whether they there may be more to the relationship, not that there was definitely something going to blossom.

That's why my initial recommendation.

ChihuahuaMomma · Nov 24, 2007, 09:02 PM

Good luck, young lady.

cerisa · Nov 27, 2007, 12:08 PM

Here I go again, I do see a problem here. He is mature, she is still yet to find her adult self. Dating is one thing, and if they want to date, why not? But college is a time to learn, academically and about yourself. He should be past that stage, she should have the chance to experience it.

ChihuahuaMomma · Nov 27, 2007, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by cerisa

Here I go again, I do see a problem here. He is mature, she is still yet to find her adult self. Dating is one thing, and if they want to date, why not? But college is a time to learn, academically and about yourself. He should be past that stage, she should have the chance to experience it.

And exploring possible relationships is one of those learning experiences. So, she will learn whether it will work.

ily · Nov 28, 2007, 09:19 PM

My opinion is that age dosen't matter and if u's really care and love each other you's can make it work...

Good luck!:D

rockerchick_682 · Nov 28, 2007, 09:38 PM

You seem like a very smart, intelligent person, and I think you could make it work. But you are only 17, going off to college, you have so much more to experience, and he's already experienced it. If I were you I'd stay friends with him and experience life with people your own age that are going through it with you.

ScottGem · Nov 29, 2007, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by ily

my oppinion is that age dosen't matter and if u's really care and love each other you's can make it work.....

good luck!:D

Age doesn't matter when both parties are adults. But when one or both parties are still minors then it matters very much.

Emland · Nov 29, 2007, 06:48 AM

I think 18 is okay, but 21 would be better. He is still your knight in shining armour right now and you need to make sure your feelings are true. College is a wonderful experience. Please allow yourself time to enjoy it.

I wish you well.

bunk07 · Nov 29, 2007, 11:41 AM

Originally Posted by secret987

I am 17. The man I am in love with is 25. I have known him for three years, and he has become my best friend. When he met me, I was into drugs and basically with the WRONG crowd. He helped me realize that I deserve so much better, and he helped me make my life better. He is someone I trust and know completely. We know everything about each other, and when we are together, we are so happy. I never tire of him. He recently moved, and we see each other once in a while. I do not wish to date him now, but when I go off to college we want to try dating. We are both worried that the age difference is a bit much, but I guess I just want some random advice. : ) Please don't be too harsh on me...

I can relate, I'm 27 was 26 when I met the guy I was involved with, he was 43, so as you can see big age difference, I to was struggling with addiction issues, and I still I'm, yes initially in the beginning, age was an issue, but after we fell in love, that wasn't even an issue, everything was just falling into place. We are having issues now, but the age factor has nothing to do with it. Bottom line if you 2 really love each other, it will work out. Good luck!

ScottGem · Nov 29, 2007, 11:54 AM

Originally Posted by bunk07

I can relate, i'm 27 was 26 when i met the guy i was involved with, he was 43, so as you can see big age difference, I to was struggling with addiction issues, and i still i'm, yes initally in the begining, age was an issue, but after we fell in love, that wasn't even an issue, everything was just falling into place. We are having issues now, but the age factor has nothing to do with it. bottom line if you 2 really love each other, it will work out. good luck!

There is a very big difference between 26 & 43 and 17 & 25. Presumably at 26 & 43 you were both reasonably mature adults. Equating such a situation to the OP's is bad advice.

bunk07 · Nov 29, 2007, 01:01 PM

Yes I agree with ScottGem, I should have been more clear about that.
It's great, if it works out for the two of you, but importantly, nothing should start between
The two of you romantically, until you're of age. Just make sure you're pursuing this relationship with this man because you're in love with him, and not because he saved you from a difficult situation.

ChihuahuaMomma · Nov 29, 2007, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by bunk07

Yes I agree with ScottGem, i should have been more clear about that.
It's great, if it works out for the two of you, but importantly, nothing should start between
the two of you romantically, until you're of age. Just make sure you're pursuing this realtionship with this man because you're in love with him, and not because he saved you from a difficult situation.

Agreed, but I think they were talking about the fact that she is to start college soon and needs her attention to be focused there and not on her new romance. While I think that it COULD work out, I do think that she should make school her first priority.

J_9 · Nov 29, 2007, 07:06 PM

Okay, I know a lot of you are going to disagree with me, but this is straight from Developmental Psychology and Erikson's Developmental Stages.

17 and 25 is really not a big difference, however, both people are in different life stages in their mental and emotional growth, no matter how "mature" the 17 year old is.

As far as the 17 year old:

Adolescent
Identity vs Role Confusion
Tries integrating many roles (child, sibling, student, athlete,
Worker) into a self-image under role model and peer pressure

And the 25 year old:

Young Adult
Intimacy vs Isolation
Learns to make personal commitment to another as
Spouse, parent or partner

No matter what the "maturity" is of either partner, they are in 2 different life stages. Once a person enters into the Young Adult phase, the gap in age closes and this is why, after the age of about 24 or 25 people can have longer term relationships with people much older than them.

jasmine_rezzag · Nov 29, 2007, 08:16 PM

I don't think 8 years difference is a problem! For me,it is great! I hope my Mr.Right in future is 5 or 8 years older than me! When you think it is time for you to date out,and you guys are willing to do that,why not?

hxc_kate · Nov 30, 2007, 08:33 PM

my mom and her boyfriend and my dad and his wife (they are separated) are both eleven years apart =D

J_9 · Nov 30, 2007, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by hxc_kate

my mom and her boyfriend and my dad and his wife (they are separated) are both eleven years apart =D

11 years is different when you reach adulthood. Just think about it... a 22 year old with an 11 year old.

Do you see the difference?

Once we reach adulthood things are different, but during childhood or adolescence there are rules.