[secret987]

I am 17. The man I am in love with is 25. I have known him for three years, and he has become my best friend. When he met me, I was into drugs and basically with the WRONG crowd. He helped me realize that I deserve so much better, and he helped me make my life better. He is someone I trust and know completely. We know everything about each other, and when we are together, we are so happy. I never tire of him. He recently moved, and we see each other once in a while. I do not wish to date him now, but when I go off to college we want to try dating. We are both worried that the age difference is a bit much, but I guess I just want some random advice. : ) Please don't be too harsh on me...

[ScottGem]

Once you turn 18, if you want to try dating, I don't see a problem. It is possible your gratitude towards him rescuing you is being mistaken for love. But its worth a try. I don't think 8 years is too much as long as you both are adults.

[shygrneyzs]

I think you are wise in waiting to date him. Get yourself a bit situated in college next year and keep your focus. Like Scott said, this could be a reaction to him being your "saviour" and that does happen. ON both sides. Also, dating is not saying you will be engaged or have a sexual relationship. You owe no promises except to yourself.

You have a great deal to look forward to. I somehow do not think you will enter into something in haste. Best to you.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I agree with the above statements. At adult ages age differences don't really matter. I think you'll be fine. But DO wait until you are 18 AND settled in the college life. Don't let him talk you into moving out of the dorms or getting married while still in college. While this works for some people, it does cause many drop-outs. Make it clear that college is your first priority and that you will finish NO MATTER WHAT, so that the two of you will have a great life together...

BTW, does he have a college education? Or currently in college?

[secret987]

Thank you all for the advice! And to answer the one question- yes he has a college education. He has a great job also.

[Clough]

thank you all for the advice! and to answer the one question- yes he has a college education. he has a great job also.

That is really good! Please focus on you, too - what you want to be and the steps that you need to get there. As far as being with this guy, if you both have it together as far as what each of you wants out of your individual lives and also a relationship, then I don't see why things won't work out for the two of you.

[Fr_Chuck]

When you are 24 and he is 33, that could be OK, but right now it is a issue.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

When you are 24 and he is 33, that could be ok, but right now it is a issue.

Why would it be an issue if she is waiting until she is 18?

[Fr_Chuck]

I think she still needs to get into college and mature, there are many emotions and I am afraid she is confusing some of them.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I agree that she needs to settle into college. But we don't know her maturity level personally, just what we see here. So, we can't really take the into account here. And also, you're right, she COULD be miscontruing love for him as just greatfullness, but again, we don't know that. So, I think that it would be okay for her to explore her feelings for him and him for her. I don't see a problem with that.

[Homegirl 50]

Once she is 18, she can date whomever she wants, but personally I can't image why a 25 year old man would have a romantic interest in a teenager. I think he is too old for her. Even when she is 18 and he is 26, I think it's too old and would wonder why he is attracted to a teenager. In fact, he should not be seeing her now, it's inappropriate.
I wonder if her parents knows she is seeing a 25 year old man.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

She has stated that they are just friends. And if they have been friends for three years, I'm sure her parents know about it. And while 18 is still in the teen years, she will be an adult. And able to make her own decisions. Again, I don't see a problem with it, as most women mature faster than men.

[Homegirl 50]

I know she says they are just friends, I just think it odd for a 25 year old man to be "freinds with a 17 year old girl. I know that as a parent he would not be hanging out with my 17 year old daughter.
I also wonder if he is as in to her as she is to him.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

That's something that really only he knows... I dated a 29 year old when I was 20, so I don't think age differences between adults are too important.

[Homegirl 50]

I agree, but even though 18 is considered adult, there is still a big difference between a 18 year old girl and a 26 year old man.
And the fact she has been friends with this adult male since she was 14 is a bit suspect. A man that age should not be befriending a girl that young.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

While this is true, how do you know it wasn't a family friend, or a siblings brother? My question to the OP is this? Do your parent's know of this friendship that you want more from? Do they approve? If not, DON'T DO IT, even if you are an adult. And furthermore, has he EXPRESSED that he cares for you the same way you care for him?

[secret987]

He actually worked with both of my parents. He had just got out of college and moved very far away from any relatives. My parents brought him into our family. I am an only child, so when he would come over we would play croquet outside, or fish, or whatever... we never thought of it as anything more than he as somewhat of a mentor to me. He would help me with homework. We sometimes went to themeparks. But we enjoyed our time together. He has told me that when we first met, I was a completely different person. I was a kid. But now that I am older and have been through my share of problems, all of which he helped me through, he sees me as something more. He and I are on the same level of maturity, and everyone I know tells me I am much more mature than I should be. Nevertheless, our relationship has never been anything more than friends. But we both think there could be something WHEN I AM LEGAL!!

[ChihuahuaMomma]

He actually worked with both of my parents. He had just got out of college and moved very far away from any relatives. My parents brought him into our family. I am an only child, so when he would come over we would play croquet outside, or fish, or whatever... we never thought of it as anything more than he as somewhat of a mentor to me. He would help me with homework. We sometimes went to themeparks. But we enjoyed our time together. He has told me that when we first met, I was a completely different person. I was a kid. But now that I am older and have been through my share of problems, all of which he helped me through, he sees me as something more. He and I are on the same level of maturity, and everyone I know tells me I am much more mature than I should be. Nevertheless, our relationship has never been anything more than friends. But we both think there could be something WHEN I AM LEGAL!!!

And your parents approve? If so, I say go for it.

[secret987]

Thank you!

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Your welcome. But like I said, don't let it affect your school! At all... hopefully he will understand the importance of education since he's a college graduate.